Intro]

Three, two, one

Begin

 

[Verse 1: The Stupendium]

Watch out! The Scout's out and about

Running around, bringing bonks right down to your scalp (Bonk)

Do you even know who you're talking to here?

I'm a streak of greased lightning, keep fighting for years

I'm a stunner, number one run-and-gunner

My beats bring the heat 'cause I'm a sweet double jumper

Your finger's on the trigger but before you get to pull it

I'll take a sip of fizz and I'll go whizzing past your bullets

I am on it like a rocket on a course to freakin' pound ya

Call me supersonic 'cause I'm running rings around ya

I'm a dab hand with a sandman, I'm the baddest in the badlands

I'm a speed freak on a killstreak, see a blur then it's bang-bang

 

 

[Verse 2: The Stupendium]

I'm the Demo, boom goes my M.O

Tyrant from the highlands, getting violent on the bellows

The only thing more volatile than me would be my ammo

I'll leave you blown to pieces while my piece is screaming blammo

Did this have whisky in or was it nitroglycerine?

I'll find out on the way out if I'm spouting flaming piss again

'Cause if I live another day, my liver might go anyway

And I'd rather go in glory so in war, I won't be giving in

I suffer for my art, I've got sulphur on the heart

This tartan spartan's gonna tear you apart

Fire shots at the cyclops, it never ends well

Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together in Hell

 

[Verse 3: The Stupendium]

Zoom, red dot, boom, headshot

Your head's got a new lead clot

Bring you to a dead stop, leave you with your head popped

Another target on my list that can be checked off

'Cause on a mission, I am viciously efficient

My vital's just my rifle and a set of jars to piss in

When it comes to assassins, you could say I'm high-calibre

Yanking my machete from your head like it's Excalibur

No mercy mercenary, I'll take you down like cattle when

My true forte's in 2Fort playing bloodsports on the battlements

Spray your brain 'fore you even know what's happening

Safe to say, no way that you'll be wearing hats again

 

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[Chorus: The Stupendium & Harry Callaghan]

If you're seeing red or you're feeling blue

If you wanna bust caps and wear them too

If you like warfare in stylish headwear

Well, have we got the game for you

No, there isn't any greater military millinery simulator

We fight all day to find out who's

The most fashionable faction in TF2

 

[Verse 4: Harry Callaghan]

Listen up 'cause I won't say it again

You'd better not be sissies because war is not a game

Unless, of course, it's war games then I'm all for games

Hope you're keeping score because numerate, I sure ain't

I'm good at fighting, ask Sun Tzu

I taught him all he knows in the art of shovel-fu

Way back in ancient China, when I met him one night

He said "Soldier's really cool and the best at winning fights"

Now I win all the fight money wherever I go

'Cause my rockets go boom and then you explode

Now, the army told me that I was crazy

But I wrote this song so I'm clearly amazing

 

[Verse 5: The Stupendium]

Gentlemen, it won't be gentle when

I sneak into your base and steal the faces of your helpless friends

Stealing your briefcase really was a brief case

You think you're smart but I have the intelligence

Be a man, why do you have to die screaming?

I shoot you, take the loot and take my suit for dry cleaning

I'm not cheating, you ignorant swine

I creep in and sneak things right into your spine

When I fight with my butterfly, it stings like a bee

So tonight, tell your mother "Hi"

Give her a kiss from me

I'm debonair with deadly flair, I'm anyone and anywhere

The face your mother wakes to is the last you'll ever see

[Verse 6: Harry Callaghan]

I'm heavy weapons guy, I make puny babies cry

You want to live? Rule one, don't touch my gun

May be slow, no need to rush ya

When I'm rolling with Natascha

Fill you dead with holes, we crush ya

Leave you cold like snow in Russia

Puny gun, I punch more damage

Chew you up for lunch like sandvich

Think you can outrun me? Prove it

I'd like to see you outrun bullet

 

[Chorus: The Stupendium & Harry Callaghan]

If you're seeing red or you're feeling blue

If you wanna bust caps and wear them too

If you like warfare in stylish headwear

Well, have we got the game for you

No, there isn't any greater military millinery simulator

We fight all day to find out who's

The most fashionable faction in TF2

 

[Verse 7: The Stupendium]

Howdy, the Engineer's in the field

Farm boy charm with a megaton yield

I've got a cranium laced with uranium

Dispense your offense with the weapons I wield

I'm hot stuff 'cause I've a hundred degrees

So if you boil my blood, you'll get burned on steam

I'm overqualified to leave you nullified and tan your sorry hide

You'd better run and hide or die by my machines

Just a friendly engie preventing entry with a deadly sentry

Each practical problem I solve, my skill mounts

The only thing higher than my IQ is my kill count

 

[Verse 8: The Stupendium]

Fire, fire, fire, fire!

Emboldened scolding folds of red and gold are my desire

It's my sacred duty, keep the beauty burning higher

Leave you dismembered in the embers

Every felling swells the pyre

I'm a terror from the nether, something that you've never seen

With a charcoal soul, heart pumping kerosene

You've met your match

You'll be a charred patch on the floorboards

I'll strike a match and strike the match off of the scoreboard

What's it matter if my brain's deranged when I snuff you out?

Boy, does it look lovely out, candy canes and fluffy clouds

Now I'm racking up the kills as I'm cranking up the grill

Easy to blow you away when you're just powder

 

[Verse 9: The Stupendium]

Got a little headache? You'd better call the medic

Were you wanting anesthetic? Really, don't be so pathetic

That burning is a bird within your sternum

That snuck in while I was working

But I think a bloody dove is quite a lovely aesthetic

You grazed your knee? Well, it seems to me

You need invasive exploratory surgery

See, I may have a little uncertainty

Between patient, specimen? Blur to me

Get the point of my syringes in your hiney?

I'll übercharge and buff you 'til you're shiny

I could fix you quick with my Medi Gun

The procedure's painless but that's no fun

 

[Chorus: The Stupendium & Harry Callaghan]

If you're feeling blue or you're seeing red

If what's on your mind's what's on your head

Who wants to battle when there's catalogues

Of hats to browse instead?

It's not how far you push the cart

What matters is the noble art

Of dressing heads in dandy threads

To wear whilst you are blown apart

If you're seeing red or you're feeling blue

If you wanna bust caps and wear them too

If you like warfare in stylish headwear

Well, have we got the game for you

No, there isn't any greater military millinery simulator

We fight all day to find out who's

The most fashionable faction in TF2

 

[Outro: The Stupendium]

Nobody has that many hats

It's ridiculous

Fazbear Family Lyrics

[Intro]

Open up the doors and let them in

Gotta mop the floors and clear the bins!

Better check the stores and order in!

Don’t you just adore this sort of thing?

 

[Verse 1: Trainer]

Welcome to Fazbear Training and your new career!

Please just ignore the staining, the last guy disappeared

Management may be frustrating, it's gonna be weird

To host team meetings as the only employee here!

It's guaranteed that you'll probably succeed

Cutting corners is just how you achieve

Remember, return custom is key!

So try to let at least a few of them leave

 

 

[Pre-Chorus]

Lally's Lollies! You'll have a lolly good time!

 

[Chorus, Helpy]

Welcome to the Fazbear family!

Clean family fun! (With some tragedy)

You've sunk your savings, they'll sink their teeth

Into a juicy slice! (Or a lobotomy)

Who's scared of a little liability?

Health and safety? More of a luxury

You've got a lot to learn, so if it's unclear

Just know the crusts aren’t all that's getting stuffed here

 

[Post-Chorus: Henry, spoken]

Congratulations on completing your first day. However, your job isn't over just yet...

 

[Verse 2]

Hear the creaking of gears creep in your ears

Deep secrets we have been keeping for years

Can you keep from their teeth and your sheets from arrears?

No funeral cover, so sort your affairs

Who would think pizza could be such a lethal career?

That cuddly creatures could leave you in tears?

No culinary teachers could leave you prepared

For guarding the kitchen while screaming in fear

 

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[Verse 3: Protagonist]

You gotta be kidding me, kiddies come here?

For tyrannical mechanical murderous bears?

I was planning for a life as a restaurateur

So robotics was probably an awful idea!

Now I’m the boss of a cursed pizzeria

No villain, just an innocent entrepreneur

I want to fill children with fun and with cheer!

Not kill 'em and fill 'em with pistons and gears!

 

[Pre-Chorus]

Marty's Plungers! Nothin' goes down that can't come up!!

 

[Chorus, Helpy]

Welcome to the Fazbear family!

Clean family fun! (With some tragedy)

You've sunk your savings, they'll sink their teeth

Into a juicy slice! (Or a lobotomy)

Who's scared of a little liability?

Health and safety? More of a luxury

You've got a lot to learn, so if it's unclear

Just know the crusts aren’t all that's getting stuffed here

 

[Verse 4: Trainer]

So, play the music, light the lights

You're gonna get a private show tonight

Discount items might be nice

But save too much, you'll pay the price!

There's a world of cheap attractions to buy!

Or save the cash and find them outside

That pestilent elephant is a hell of a find

But a malevolent element could develop inside

We're gonna get you to the end of the week

Now you can run a restaurant effortlessly

‘Cus you can clean the toilets at the press of a key!

Just check the ball pit for any fleshy debris

 

[Pre-Chorus]

Flo's Glossy Floss! The first step to true romance!

 

[Chorus, Helpy]

Welcome to the Fazbear family!

Clean family fun! (With some tragedy)

You've sunk your savings, they'll sink their teeth

Into a juicy slice! (Or a lobotomy)

Who's scared of a little liability?

Health and safety? More of a luxury

You've got a lot to learn, so if it's unclear

Just know the crusts aren’t all that's getting stuffed here

 

[Molten Freddy, spoken]

Hey, Bon Bon! It's the birthday boy!

 

[Verse 5: Molten Freddy]

Well hello again! Here we go again! Start the show again!

I think we all know the direction this is goin' in!

You sit by the vents and prevent us getting in

Then you get a hug from a friendly exoskeleton!

 

[Verse 6: William Afton (Scraptrap)]

No use in fleeing, you're feeding the sequence, keeps repeating

No time for grieving, the scene is teeming with demon playthings

Reeking and leaking, unspeakable freaks who need spring cleaning

Just keep the springs dry... or you’ll end up screaming!

 

[Verse 7: Scrap Baby]

It’s safe to say you aren’t what we all expected

But you’re a gift and it’d be rude to just reject it

We were built to dance and sing but we’re infected

So make us whole, feed us the souls that you’ve collected

 

[Bridge: Elizabeth Afton]

I’m not a monster, I just want to be liked

Am I what you designed, daddy? Do you feel pride?

I want to talk about these feelings inside

But every time I open up, some children tend to die!

 

[Instrumental Break]

 

[Verse 8: Trainer, with Molten Freddy]

Congratulations, your probation was a triumph!

But we're afraid that you're now surplus to requirement

Unfortunately, we will have to keep you silent

You'll find our severance package gets a little violent!

 

[Chorus, Helpy]

Welcome to the Fazbear family!

Clean family fun! (With some tragedy)

You've sunk your savings, they'll sink their teeth

Into a juicy slice! (Or a lobotomy)

Who's scared of a little liability?

Health and safety? More of a luxury

You've got a lot to learn, so if it's unclear

Just know the crusts aren’t all that's getting stuffed here~!

Kirby Lyrics

[Hook]

Hey Kirby

Whatcha doing Kirby

Whatcha doing there

Hey Kirby

Whatcha doing Kirby

Whatcha doing there

 

[Verse 1]

Hobgoblin, shots of hot Strongid

Vaccine queen deem church socks hostage

9 weeks awesome, hides in a slipper

Look in her eye like she might be a wizard

Cold met a cat lady in a parking lot

She got the heroes of tomorrow in a cardboard box

And probably hoarding 40 more in the corners of Fort Knox

Swapped 20 on the spot and cop the warlock

Back at the haunt, found God in the hamper

Briefs on her head playing Walking With a Panther

Good around misery and golden era samplers

Jeopardy and Wheel at the heels of her handlers

Bet, more than a pet to worship

It's an MD recommended sense of purpose

Here to bat around keys and the means to euphoria

Soon to be hailed, the greatest of all warriors

 

 

[Hook]

Hey Kirby

Whatcha doing Kirby

Whatcha doing there (I'm not takin' no shorts)

Hey Kirby

Whatcha doing Kirby

Why'd you eat that leaf (Yo, yo, yo)

 

[Verse 2]

Homie don't fetch, only woke to stretch

Under a thought bubble rich with bowls of goldfish

Skittish in the company of stranger danger

Otherwise, chase draw strings, tails and lasers

In a steel cage match with a maze of cables

Brazen, game-face based on Azazel

Oversized ears up, puke in the Meow Mix

Shred a pair of earbuds, remedy his cowlick

[slurp]: Thanks Kirbs, looking like a milli

Keep an old man sharp, keep a cold Chantilly

Spun plum dizzy in a frisky moment

Never lands on her feet though, I think she's broken

Mouser in training, nap on the toaster

Decorate her cubicle with dogs playing poker

15 years taking prescriptions

Now a shrink like, "I dunno, maybe get a kitten"

 

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[Hook]

Hey Kirby

Whatcha doing Kirby

Whatcha doing there

Hey Kirby

Whatcha doing Kirby

Whatcha doing there

I'm a glutton where the food still shimmy and shake

Not a fingerprint to pin him to a physical plane

Probably show up as an isolated pocket of cold

Got a way of making tilapia hop in the boat

I was fending off a lizard on the dock of the lake

In Siem Reap, smoking something I forgot how to say

Maybe 20 paranoia, 80 plotted against

Palm reader calling in his archaeologist friend

It's been a long and bitter breakup with the science of sleep

I'm through the lobby on my stomach with a knife in my teeth

Brave winter, rain slicker over mutinous code

Finally free of all you fuckers, I should pull through a phone

I could transform later when the gradient fade

There's a paranormal energy awake and engaged

There's a Kawasaki out behind a barn in Angkor

Money said if you could start it, it's yours

Forecast warm, leftover chicken for the dogs

I've been jumping over fences in a hundred different forms

Next week warm, message at the tone

I've been sketching on the roof or getting sketchy in the strobe

Warm, six legs circling a drain

I been swatting him for 20, it's impervious to pain

Next week warm, rattle in the cough

I been running ragged tryna shake an apparition off

In the pitch dark searching for the source of the hex

Got a loyal tentacle in every corner of heck

Hooded figure from the wreckage of an alien ship

Nescafé washing down a snake on a stick

Spotted floating down a river tryna curse in Khmer

With no shirt, seven days worth of dirt in his hair

When the motor finally folded to the accident prone

Had to flag another captain, phantasm in tow

I've been ignoring any semblance of relatable Earth

I got a homie from the region who could name every bird

And tell you what it is to wake up with a tank in the yard

Type of shit to make you question what your days even are

There's a holy waterfall where you could rinse and repeat

Find religion while the minnows eat the skin off your feet

If you wake me on a January morning at four

Don't get excited when I bark at the door

Forecast warm, leftover chicken for the dogs

I've been jumping over fences in a hundred different forms

Next week warm, message at the tone

I've been sketching on the roof or getting sketchy in the strobe

Warm, six legs circling a drain

I been swatting him for 20, it's impervious to pain

Next week warm, rattle in the cough

I been running ragged tryna shake an apparition off

Y'all keep not being shit, all I do is chomp at the bit

Caltrop in his foot, still hop to the bridge

All rah, rah, a pox on your kin

Pass through the prism, maintain position

Knock over everything, walk away whistling

False name, I work at a fake business

Daybreak 'til I break up into trained pigeons

And I came from the cave paint, chase painkillers

Tailed by an arcane shape in the scribble

I stake out snakes that forsake the sigil

Wait 'em out, show 'em how the wavelength ripple

I'm afraid they don't wanna see a wound-up truant

Get to walk down a street to the sound of doves cooing

Doves like, "I love what you doing, even when it's drugs at the ruin"

Money, I was plucked from the fire, jumped back in the fire

It's fucked, you're free to hire another pathfinder

Skull and bones humming the tones that don't bode well

Only if you may have built an altar at the hotel, oh

Well

Hi everybody, hope you're doing well

Today I want to talk to you about, the different levels of the spirit world

I been floating down the River Styx

Skipper cap, sipping on what's missing from your mini-fridge

Insulated slicker dripping, winter like, "It's Britney, bitch"

Crops wither, docks splinter into popsicle sticks

Beyond the hissy fit, he ain't but a hound dog

I'm Bamm-Bamm, pianos fall on me and bounce off

Vampyrella riding pillion through the eventide

Indecency that deck the halls, an eye in each Venetian blind

I'm mеat into the Venus fly, ears back and hacklеs up

Shifting with the shadow play, I show 'em how to rabbit hunt

It helps if you're particularly paranoid

Enough to know there's no such thing as an extraction point

Attaboy, I'm a sucker for stolen bases

Bathing in open ocean and shaving in Mobil stations

Away from the hocus pocus

The nauseating social codes and motives

The homies demoted to interlopers

Look, I can help you tumble through the galaxy

Somersaulting backwards into vacuous finality

Shabby chic, overnight a fireball from magic camp

Inspired by a banzai fly into Manhattan clam

No hands, pissing off the ferry, mission-ready

The flesh and blood are present while the rest is vision-questing

Plugged in, gloves off, shushing all tough talk

Nowhere to be found at the trust fall

I'm saying "fuck y'all", live and direct

I make a Judas shoot a flare up from the Isle of the Dead

I got a network in the netherworld I seldom reveal

It get a threat to get to stepping out my energy field

Behold the nobody who show up uninvited like his 'chute failed

Blue streak, speak in minor pentatonic blues scale

Doors blast open for the never not backlit

Never not eradicating pathogens

Rat catcher, capture both the flag and the bannermen

Batter up, throw a badass to the basilisk

Throw a fucking crab off a mountain top

Free freefalling with the shuttle parts and flowerpots

Odd hours, I'm up with the spotted owls

Spot a coward in the commons how he spot a common mouse

At a half mile, last-minute mohawk

Eyes closed, ear to the road salt, all I hear is Mozart

Gale force winds whipping through your floppy hat

Glitch in the hologram, trick any polygraph

Chocolate from the faucet, fish in the lava lamp

Sofa on the ceiling only come down for karate class

I'm in pajama bottoms listening to Chaka Khan

Eating matcha Pocky knocking posses out the polygon

I see you proper hobnobbing with the la-di-da

That kind of shit is simply not the way I pop and lock

Hook: Chairman of the Board]

Roll up and put down your controller

Forget the C.O.D

The table top is what the call's of

So grab some paper and start taking down the scores

But don't forget you're up against the chairman of the board

 

[Chairman of the Board, spoken]

Right, then! Games night, everyone! What's up first? I know what my money's on

 

[Verse 1: Monopoly Master]

If you're into causing a family schism

Consider some table-top capitalism

A battle of balances, man, I'm so talented

Mopping up profits with Randian callousness

 

Isn't much use for financial analysis

Banks are all froze in the throes of paralysis

Golly, it's very nice crushing the parasites

Man, I'm in paradise, give me a pair of dice

 

I hold 'em, I blow 'em, I roll them

I'm strolling my token right over the Go

And I'm folding the dough

Then I'm throwing down homes

On my portfolio

My monopoly grows

 

You won't topple me, no

I'm a polished demolisher

Dropping hotels right on top of my foes

If you're stopping your boat on my property, know

That it's probably honestly gonna be

More than the cost of the whole of the global economy

So you should just stop and offer me

All of your keys and your dog

 

Well, you could call it a robbery

You can't afford an apology

All your accountants would flounder and wobble

The top of my profits would boggle a monarchy

Stopping me? Ha! Take me to court

All that I'm making, I'm taking abroad

It's tucked under the board (Whoops!)

 

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So send me to jail and then

Pay off my bail with your rent

Have you thought about having your assets absorbed?

Extorting the poor whilst cutting the cord at community beauty awards

(Thank you! Thank you!)

 

You pitifully bid in futility

I've got the roads and the rails and utilities

So bring the waterworks

Your tears will oil the gears of my infamy

Kid in the living room sat on the floor

Imagining I'm on the cover of Forbes

I'm turning this city upside down

Which really amounts to you flipping the board

 

[Monopoly Master, spoken]

Now I know nobody likes a loot box economy. But I think we can all agree on a community chest. Hm?

 

[Hook: Chairman of the Board]

Roll up and put down your controller

Forget the Steam sale, I'mma steam roll ya'

Those twelve-year-olds on Xbox Gold may bolster up your scores

But now, my friend, you're up against a chairman of the board

 

[Scrabble Sage, spoken]

Think you can beat me? Winning is my middle name! Which does not make it a proper noun

 

[Verse 2: Scrabble Sage]

Have you heard the word upon the street?

That nerds prefer our words discreetly

Neatly placed upon a sheet when we compete

Words With Friends is for the weak

A cheap pretender to the peak

Of wordy splendour

Classic Scrabble can unleash

Except, you see

 

It never leaves me satisfied

When standard boards are utilised

I play my scrabble super-sized

It makes the points quadruple-ise

 

There's ancient mosaics not half as prosaic

As when I am placing my tiles in amazing displays

Every play a foray in intrinsic ballistic linguistic forte

I'm a dictionary kicking my score into space

Or at least to the corners; a double word score is for paupers

I'm playing for triple or more, stacking multiple multiples up on the board

 

In a single retort to your pitiful awful attempts, it's a bore

No, the pen and the sword couldn't ever compare to the weapons I've brought to the fore

Seven letters is all I need to do more for literature

Than Dickens or Shakespeare could ever have brought

My lexicon's better than anything ever attempted before

With clever and eloquent spelling galore

 

Whatever the letters you're giving me

Fiddly glyphs? I administer liberally

I play a Q or a Z like a symphony

Giving you quixotry, quartzy or syzygy

 

[Opponents]

Wizardry!

 

[Scrabble Sage]

Slinging these nouns and verbs

Sticks and stones might be preferred

So to sum up the rhymes you've heard?

Face it, you couldn't find the words

 

[Scrabble Sage, spoken]

Aha! Victory is mine! Which uses all seven tiles and gets me a fifty point bonus! Hehe!

 

[Hook: Chairman of the Board]

Roll up and put down your controller

And if you must bring Mountain Dew, be sure to use a coaster

Your gamer tag may jangle with achievements and awards

But now, my friend, you're up against the chairman of the board

 

[Clue Guru, spoken]

I thank you all for coming this evening... I hear the traffic was murder

 

[Verse 3: Clue Guru]

I suppose you're wondering why I've gathered you all here tonight

A murder has occurred and I'll be first to shed some light (Oh my!)

Now Mister Black is on the ground

A victim of a crime most foul

I put to you that here and now

Within this crumbling country house

Amongst this strange and sundry crowd

A murderer is on the prowl

Leave it to me to tell you how

The heinous deed was carried out

This melting pot has overboiled

Watch out, you'll get your loafers soiled (Oh...)

I've a dastard foe to foil

And I'm not 'alf a Conan-Doyle (Aha!)

 

I'll tackle the clues through this gaggle of rooms

There's no slacking to do when I'm tracking the truth (Yes)

I'm an accurate sleuth with immaculate proof

I investigate better than Agatha could

(Hmm...) Did the blaggard attack with a candle or noose?

Or was it the spanner he actually used? (Ahh)

This manor is packed with all manner of tools

(Although Hasbro have had the hatchet removed)

For enacting a plan of dispatching a fool

The plan that was hatched was both heartless and cruel

In the garden, the pantry, the parlour, the pool

(The rooms will depend on the board that you use)

 

Hold it, I've solved it

I know for certain that the culprit

Used the colonel's old revolver

Stolen from the drawer that holds it

In the kitchen, fingers itching

On the trigger, chamber loaded

And I say I want it noted

Reverend Green's the one who pulled it!

 

[Opponent 1, spoken]

But I've got the gun

 

[Opponent 2, spoken]

And I've got that scene

 

[Clue Guru]

Which instantly vindicates poor Mister Green

With all that is left on the board it would seem

To infer that the murderer must have been me!

 

[Clue Guru, spoken]

Oh dear. It appears I've made a grave mistake... Hehe!

 

[Hook: Chairman of the Board]

Roll up and put down your controller

Forget Hyrule, I'm a high roller

You may be a master with a blaster or a sword

But now, my friend, you're up against the chairman of the board

 

[Outro, spoken]

[Monopoly Master]

I tell you. If I had a pound for every game of Monopoly I've won I could buy... well, another game of Monopoly, probably

 

[Scrabble Sage]

I see you're drawing a blank. Which you can use in place of any other letter!

 

[Clue Guru]

We should really stop now. I think we've done this joke to death

Verse 1]

Die already

None defy the one-man walled city

Stone made flesh, veins etched in his hands

88 stance draped in invasive plants

And rain dance unsafely, brace for the supercell

Mutiny or footage for your blooper reel, who can tell

Pours hot tar from the top of the barn

Necktie on his head, condor on his arm

Dog Star in a jar, bordering unsustainable

Mea culpa, mea culpa, maybe I should pray occult

Systematic Catholic or sigil of the Baphomet unraveling

Either way his ID show a snake and skull

Always been a private dude who couldn't keep a tally

Of which lies he told who

Dye his hair, shave, change names and his lazy drawl

Soon enough I will estrange you all

I get ghost

[Interlude]

Ghossssst

Now the beat goes!

 

[Verse 2]

On Dasher

Half-dead carolers deck a hall, wreck a whole advent calendar

Brother on speakerphone lurking at the Burgerville

Bathrobe hammer toes murdering the curb appeal

Would I be returning or forsaken with the craven and

Carnivorous vegetation that take him for his Steak-umms

I dunno I gotta think about it

Truthfully I don't know which makes me a bigger coward

Either stomach all the hubris, cash in his two cents

Loose lips locked up over a chewed Eucharist

Or, maybe re-appropriate the energy

Holed up, passing the poultry to Hecate

Bullheaded burn out fled his own pedigree

And never better, never would've met your Heaven anyway

Anyway, merry merry go make soup out of bones

Just know when the room go cold

I'm a ghost

 

[Interlude]

Ghossssst

G-H-O-S-T

Ghost ghost ghost

He's ghost

 

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[Verse 3]

Flea comb, exorcism and de-worming

Fitted for a curse and a crown of birds circling

Search party falling forward unthwarted

Meet him at the crossroads drawn and quartered

For a master of puppets, how sad are his cupboards

Non-dairy creamers, can of last supper

And a runneth over cup full of black tap water

Its a marvel of privacy over pack hunter

Raspberry jelly on his Jesus toast

And turn heather gray sweats into Easter clothes

With no immediately measurable crimewave ice-age

Christ children still skin a cat sideways

I don't pick teams or administer bans

I'm in the creek with a pick and a pan, it go

Forcibly ejected or a voluntary death scene

Tell 'em what the out-of-order blinking EMF mean

Ghost

 

[Outro]

Ghossssst

Verse 1, Announcer]

Sharpen ya pencils, seal the room

You think I'm mental? I think you're doomed

Experimental death cartoons

Have crossed the mantle, you're marooned

By rising tides of inky gloom

Deprived of life and after you

Well done you survived chapter two

But there's much more you have to do

 

[Verse 2, Henry]

I can feel my sins beating in my skin

Ink is seeping in

Shriek at every creak, this evil steeple that I'm creeping in

Not a peep, you know the creatures will be listenin'

There won't be a happy little jingle when I meet my end

Reams of paper sheets just weren't feasible to keep them in

Inky teeth beneath that seek to eat the hand that keeps the pen

Scream or beg or plead these demons won't concede to reasonin'

Tragic movie magic shouldn't really let the reaper in

If it's true the pen is stronger than the sword

What am I supposed to do when the pen declares a war?

I apologise if I haven't mentioned it before

But brandishing an axe is not a tactic I adore!

It's impractical for tackling attackers who are drawn

To the fact that I am battling satanic graphic spawn

I'll get some practice in by slashing through the splashes on the floor

But for every splatter I hack the pentagram attracts some more!

[Chorus]

Forget what you think you know

Some angels come from down below

So light box off, peg-bar the door

'Cus we're not locked in cells no more

You don't what it means

When people say that ink can bleed

If you think you've seen hell before

Well we're not looked in cells no more!

 

[Verse 3, Bendy]

Meet Alice! She's a devil of a dame!

She's here to test your mettle and you'll never the same

There's some horns beneath her halo so it's helpless to pray

She's a hell of a gal! Don't believe what's in her name!

If Betty Boop and Lucifer were merged onto a frame

You'd make a glamorous sadomasochist who's out to play!

A vaudevillian killin' just to revel in the pain

But don't delay, you've got lots of levels left to play

She may have fell from heaven but she's anything but saint

If you're running out of breath then get your ventolin and spray

But you won't delay your fait unless you let her have her way

We're painting death by numbers and your guts will be the paint!

You've been running hell for leather but it's better if you stay

'Cus we'll leave you legs severed 'fore you ever get away

Make a choice! Pick a door! Quit betting on escape!

There's a secret that you're seeking and she's showing you the way!

 

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[Chorus]

Forget what you think you know

Some angels come from down below

So light box off, peg-bar the door

'Cus we're not locked in cells no more

You don't what it means

When people say that ink can bleed

If you think you've seen hell before

Well we're not locked in cells no more!

 

[Verse 4, Henry]

Now I'm huddled 'tween the puddles and there's something coming at me

But Alice sent me tasks so I really musn't dally

If I let her catch me slacking she would hack me up and add me

To the carpet made of carcass in this dark uncanny valley

It's absurd, man! Characters are crawling up the walls!

I'll bet Burbank doesn't have this problem at all!

Seems Lucifer is in a skirt and crooning through the halls

And all hell is breaking loose if her amusements aren't indulged

 

[Verse 5, Announcer]

So draw the curtains. Draw the blinds

There's nowhere left to hide this time

Draw your lots and stand in line

You might survive 'til chapter five

You've just earned a private screening

Grab your popcorn quit your screaming

Drawn and quartered gets new meaning

Think that might be ink you're bleeding

Dancing demon's been a' scheming

Secrets still that need revealing

Now it's time to start believing

Alice doesn't want you leaving!

 

Verse 1: The Stupendium]

New day and I'm raring to start

Okay, let’s look at your chart

New spleen? Cool beans, pretty routine

But what say we take a look at your heart?

It seems we're fresh out of spleens

But that won't matter a smidge

'Cause I’ve sent Milo to see what we have got in the fridge

These kidneys won’t keep

So while you’re blissfully sleeping

I’ll throw some in for free, a little treat in your treatment

 

 

[Chorus: Bonecage]

So you say you wanna be my patient?

Well, go ahead and make my day

Open up so I can feel your heartbeat

I wanna get inside you in a good way, hey

You atе it hard for breakfast

Baby, now you're scrambled еggs

Hey man, I'm gonna fix what's broken

I wanna get inside you in a good way

 

[Verse 2: The Stupendium]

You might find a shrub for a lung, unlikely

Nurse misheard me when I asked for an IV

At least try three, had no cats on your CAT scan

What were you expecting when you asked for a trans-plant?

We soon gave up with the tracking the rates of patient survival

'Cause I am psych-i-opathic as I am homeo-cidal

We heard it’s hip to recycle so now your hip’s a bicycle

And we replaced your slipped disc with this record on vinyl

 

[Verse 3: Bonecage]

Digging through your small intestine

Gonna give you what you need

Sauerkraut and poor digestion are my two least favourite things

I wanna cut you open and take you apart

And put you right back together again

Eye for an eye and an arm for a leg and a pickle for an arm

Hey! What’s that doing in there?

Oh, you say you got a bad kidney, I'll put it in it's place

Open up, I wanna cure what ails you

I wanna get inside you in a good way, hey

Well, I'm a second-class sawbones but baby, that's okay

Come on, I'm gonna fix what's broken

I wanna get inside you in a good way

 

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[Verse 4: The Stupendium]

Day four of my medical residence

There’s organs to jettison and the morgue needs some specimens

Hippocratically negligent like I’m hacking at venison

There’s a reason it’s called "practising medicine"

So I’m excited to make your acquaintance

In the waiting room I’ve made in my basement

‘Cause I crave the sensation of your brains in my waste bin

I’m a nice guy but I keep losing my patients

If your internals have curdled and need some surgery urgently

It must be an emergency if your GP refers to me

I’m certain you’d prefer to see some nerd from university

Earned their degree deservedly

'Stead of free when they purchased the "Learning Surgery DVD"

This infernal infirmary, there’s a quirk in your circuitry

We’ll work on it externally

Pretty soon you’ll be surfing the one way gurney to purgatory

All aboard to absurdity, anaesthetic’s a courtesy

 

[Instrumental Bridge / Guitar Solo]

 

[Chorus: Bonecage]

So you say you wanna be my patient?

Well, go ahead and make my day

Open up so I can feel your heart beat

I wanna get inside you in a good way, hey

You ate it hard for breakfast

Baby, now you're scrambled eggs

Hey man, I'm gonna fix what's broken

I wanna get inside you in a good way

 

[Post-Chorus: Bonecage & (The Stupendium)]

I wanna get inside you in a good way

(I keep on losing my patients)

Wanna get inside you in a good way

(I keep on losing my patients)

Wanna get inside you in a good way

(I keep on losing my patients)

I wanna get inside you in a good way

(I keep on losing my patients)

Wanna get inside you in a good way

(I keep on losing my patients)

Wanna get inside you in a good way

(I keep on losing my patients)

 

[Outro: The Stupendium]

Scalpel? Yes, doctor

Aubergine? Here you are doctor

Rubber duck? Yes, doctor

Sponge? Here, doctor

No, for my brow, not a cake

Eh, you know what? Put the cake in too Okay

Why not?

Hey! I just transferred, I'm new!

My last school had a few too many waifus

So after a few suicides, I moved

I'm just after a class I won't have to survive through

First day! Wow, I'm excited!

Numbers is what I take pride in

I can do times and dividing

Best in class of 1990!

My IQ's the highest, likely

Shoes are tied and tie is tidy

And though he's a bit unsightly

My professor's sure to like me

"My name's Baldi! Greetings, class!"

Test me, sir! I'm sure to pass!

"First question! What's two plus one?"

Easy, three! Boy, this is fun!

"You're doing great! What's two plus eight?"

Ten is what I calculate!

Question three! What's..."

What? No!

I need to call my mom, but I've got no hall pass

So I'm stuck hiding from a balding psychopath

"You got the question wrong. See me after class."

Numbers are harmless fun, but fear the aftermath

If Slender and Mavis Beacon were freaking and the baby took to teaching

That would be the creature we're seeing creeping around this evening

Education's not a vocation this abomination should be seeking

Is he trying to expand my mind? Or just leave pieces on the ceiling?

Trapped here to tackle attacks from the faculty

Blast cans, grab snacks for the calories

Running for sums takes stamina, actually

Now I see what they mean by a mathlete

Do I not need a pass from my family?

Calculus entered the hazardous category

Practising math shouldn't factor fatalities

Even the dastardly Janitor's after me!

"Sweep, sweep, sweep!"

The massacre's sanitary, jump rope frantically

On a roll on this honour roll tragedy

Won't be home after I hope there's no bach' degree when I graduate

It's a baffling fallacy

Any establishment pays him a salary

Next time I'm fishing for extracurriculars

I'm gonna stay playing Big Brain Academy

I need to call my mom, but I've got no hall pass

So I'm stuck hiding from a balding psychopath

"You got the question wrong. See me after class."

Numbers are harmless fun, but fear the aftermath

Who signed off making minors go through

Such frights to find all these noteboos?

With an old dude, with an old rule

Make a sound, hunts you down through the whole school

There's a gold rule, pay attention

If they're broke, you'll get detention

There's a bully and a sock with a vengeance

And the principal's a little bit relentless

Show my infractions in fractions

It's one in one — each action's

Dragging me straight back to this classroom

Trapped as that ruler is slapping

This sub's gon' put me in traction

Man, I've got no chance of passing

If even MatPat can't manage

Haphazard mathematic madness

All my mentors and classmates are tracking me down

Forget Fortnite, this is a Battle Royale

And I gotta get out, but every door that I've found

Keeps locking me down soon as I come around

Bet you'll regret it the second the roll call calls your name

That extra credit won't get you nothing but early graves

"When will you learn?" "I wanna play with someone!"

I've got nowhere to turn, I think this game is broken!

"Detention for you." "I hear the doors you open!"

I've been marked for death and had my snack bars stolen

Call my mom, tell her to get here fast!

Because I'm hiding from a balding psychopath

"You got the question wrong. See me after class."

Numbers are harmless fun, but fear the aftermath

Fear the aftermath

Fear the aftermath