bayAreaShaman said 

Anxiety to me feels like a feeling of impending doom.

This is pretty much how I would describe it. Mine is not really social anxiety (I’m pretty introverted, but I don’t get abnormally uncomfortable in most social situations), but it’smore of a general “something is going to go wrong any second and it’s gonna be the worst thing ever” kind of thing.

For example…the worst part of the GOTJ by far for me is getting my vehicle inside and finding a camping and parking spot.

My mind is like…”Ok, we’re moving. I’ve got to get into a good position to get in quickly, else every good camping site will be gone. But I don’t want to be a douche and cut off bunches of people in front of me. Fuck it, I’ve gotta get in as quickly as possible. Oh God, what if someone hits my truck on the way in? Damaging my truck would SUCK and I’d be pissed the rest of the time. Too many people are going in in front of me. They’re all going to get the flat, shady spots and I will be stuck sleeping on a hill in the sun. I won’t get any comfortable sleep, and will be too exhausted to enjoy the GOTJ this year. What if I get stuck in a muddy area and my truck gets stuck? Ok, I’m in the gate. Fuck, look at all these people already camped in the best spots. I’m doomed. I will never find a comfortable spot this year. I will be miles away from everything, will be sweaty from being in the sun and will be exhausted. This Gathering is gonna suck. Oh wait, there’s a great spot. I’m good.”

Or…

“Shit, I slept until 10am. I’ve gotta be at the ICP seminar by 2pm. If I don’t get up now, I’ll never be able to get a shower, get lunch and do my makeup before the seminar. The line for the shower is probably 2 hours long. If I can’t get a shower, I’m gonna be a sweaty disgusting mess. Oh God, what if I end up being that smelly fat bitch that people don’t want to be near today? Am I going to end up in pictures from the ICP seminar and people will make fun of how disgusting I was? Someone’s gonna take a picture of me, make a meme of it and I’ll be all over the internet. Shit, I’ve been sitting here worrying for 15 minutes! I need a shower RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Oh look, no wait at the showers. I’m good.”

It sucks, for real.

-Jules

entrappedmind said 

 Um, yeah, okay… For future reference… Do whatever you wanna do, man. Don’t let my kid’s presence crimp your style. If someone around me does something I don’t approve of or want my kid to witness, I remove my kid from the situation. I don’t expect other people’s behavior to do my parenting for me. :)  Seriously, bro. Hang out some more this year.

Aw, no. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the sentiment, it’s just, like, I got respect for family (both figurative and literal) and kids. You guys invited ME over to YOUR area so I wasn’t about to just “spread out” like that having just met you all.

It may be The Gathering but it’s not like I forget my civilities after I walk in. Little dude’s there to see and experience shit too! I wouldn’t want to have to put you (or anyone) in a position of having to shield anyone’s eyes from anything *I was doing, “Do not stare directly AT the potato!”.

Just my own personal party rule I follow any other day. Keeps me in check when I’m gettin’ reckless. As long as my shit doesn’t prevent anyone else from enjoying theirs… But I know what yer sayin’.

Yeah, I plan to be more engaged this year. I got you guys to look out for. I got last year’s camp mates to look out for. A bunch of YouTube peeps to scan the crowd, keepin’ an eye out for.

And then there’s the fact that there’s this merch thing called the “Powerup Club” that rents out battery chargers so I’ll be able to shoot more pictures and video (if I don’t end up buying some similar gizmo myself).

Much more at ease.

Scruffy said
youve clearly never been shot at.  lucky.  

Psyral Infection said  
If your actions are based on fear, it will be mindless action.   

not ‘will be’, ‘might be’.  

most times in our lives, for most people, fear will keep you out of trouble, more than it will cause you trouble.  

fear is healthy and normal.  succumbing to fear, thats different.  

 

[edit]  typo fix.  

Fear is what makes a decent human being.

Forgive me for saying so, and with all due respect… Y’all don’t have the faintest goddamn idea what I’m talking about. And like I said earlier, maybe I’m just not describing it correctly, so that’d be my fault. Maybe using the term anxiety was a mistake, as that seems to be minimizing it.

If y’all insist upon using the psychological “degrees of fear” bit to define what I’m talking about, then let’s call it panic rather than anxiety. And it’s not a sporadic or momentary thing – I have more bad moments than good. I’d say I spend about 65% of any given day in dread of one thing or another.

It’s not something I really enjoy talking about, but now that I’ve put it out there, I feel obligated to defend myself, so to speak… For me, I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me… It has nothing to do with fear. I’ve rarely felt “fear” – as a kid, I was afraid of the dark, and as an adult, I’m afraid of heights. And as I mentioned earlier, that fear is what makes it a thrill to face those situations. What I face minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day… There’s no thrill to be gotten from that. Only relief once it’s either over or once I manage to avoid it.

Again, sorry to sound defensive, but this is an argument I’ve been having since I was old enough to recognize my ailment (or psychosis, if you prefer) for what it was. Psyral, in particular – I can’t describe how frustrating it is to hear “Choose not to be…” given to me as a solution. I’m strong-willed enough, that if that were an option, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But there’s no choice involved in the matter. I know you weren’t trying to be a dick by saying that, and you likely had no idea that it’d trigger a rant such as this, so I apologize for singling you out. But it is what it is.

We’re talking about a chemical imbalance here – there’s nothing rational about that. You either medicate to balance your brain, or you fight through it. I choose, as I have for the last 25+ years, to fight – even though it’s, admittedly, a losing battle.

@entrappedmind I was hoping you’d get the Donnie Darko reference. Have you seen the movie?

What was supposed to be funny about it was the fact that nothing they were talking about had anything to do with fear…

https://youtu.be/vQXPiBUQaIk

And yes, I know what you are talking about. I was once in a long relationship with someone who had OCD brought on by her mother’s diagnosis of terminal cancer (and not the anecdotal, cutesy shit people joke about). I get it.

Yeah, I got it Cheshyr. Sorry, bro, I got distracted by my need to reply. Yes, great freakin’ movie. And yeah, the other, more extreme forms of OCD are a bitch and a half, to say the least.

I agree that fear and anxiety are two different things entirely. I’m scared of tornadoes, but I’m not anxious about tornadoes. I can get anxious about starting a complex project at work, but I’m not scared to do it. I’m sure there is an area where both can be true (like going for a major surgery, which is both scary and anxiety inducing) but they are not the norm. And there is no choosing not to be anxious. I can often times rationalize myself out of being scared of something, but anxiety is not rational. I can be fully aware that my anxiety is completely irrational, and not be able to do anything about it. If you’ve never dealt with anxiety, consider yourselves very lucky!

-Jules