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Hatchetman
The Southern Crumpet Reports!
November 26, 2017
11:29 pm
Oolong Johnson
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6/17 @ The Lotus Pod, Detriot, MI

 

Damn good day today, Juggalos! But unfortunately I have to keep most of it under wraps. Well, it started at around 4pm when we headed to the "Lotus Pod" which is Psychopathic's own studio. Where we meet up with G-man and Mike P to lay lyrics down to the secret project that is being worked on. All I can say is it's something crazy and completely different but it's going to be awesome. Juggalos probably want to know what it is but that would ruin the surprise for the Gathering of the Juggalos so I'm not going to say. It might be techno music, might be country music, who knows, might be a new boy band like Lip'sync or backdoor boys, shit maybe that, the point is it could be almost anything at all.

Well, this would be a good day in the studio we didn't leave until 2 am because this is the first day of the mystery project. First thing was a track called "Girls and Boys" but Juggalos will probably never get to hear this because as like Rydas, the beat is jacked from another song. You are probably thinking why would someone do a song and not release it, well this is a song where everybody involved in the project gets to know each other. The song turned out to be off the hook it was crazy fresh. Of course we had some bitches in the studio and some beer just to add some more freshness. Well, the song is about 75% done. Me and J went back to his house were he will work on some more lyrics and I will write this report. So until tomorrow Juggalos. I'm out this bitch ass piece.

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

RenoRyda
November 26, 2017
11:45 pm
Oolong Johnson
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6/18 @ The Lotus Pod, Detroit, MI

 

What's going on, Juggalos? In the studio once again where the work on the mystery project continues. We all have decided that I will now stay here and write reports daily instead of going out with the street team. Which is good for you Juggalos because there is major freshness planned for the future. Some of the ideas included a webcam in the Lotus Pod so you Juggalos can see all the shit going down as everyone goes to work. The Crumpet cam is still in the works and should be ready pretty soon.

Anyway back to what went down today, J got a craving for some ice cream about half way through the session so everyone went down to get some in a gang of mopeds. Rowdy Hogan is here if you don't know him it is purely speculation that he starred in JCW as Chuck Hogan. Well we were telling these bitches that he was really the Hulkster . They started to hound dog him and his 20" pythons. The song that is being worked on as I write this is a new style of music all together. It sounds like it will hit the Juggalo world like a nuclear bomb (in simple terms it's the shit).

Ninja's won't believe what is in store for them in the next couple of months. Well when we got back to J's he signed on AOL and went to the ICP chat room. After a hater called in a host J began schooling this host first by asking him if "He could lick his balls like his mama does!" then finally getting kicked out with the "Fuck you bitch ass ho" or something like that. Hey fuck them bitches where's the freedom of speech there. Well till tomorrow I'm going to go crash.

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

RenoRyda
November 28, 2017
2:29 pm
Oolong Johnson
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6/19 @ The Psychopathic Office and Lotus Pod, Detroit, MI

 

Well, today started at a more reasonable time, at 12 noontime. Then J and I headed into the office to have a meeting with Sabu about wrestling in JCW for the Gathering. Well after the all the business was taken care of, we sat and watched JCW 2 and Big Money Hustlas while Mike P worked on the beats for the new song. When the movie was over, I went into the warehouse to see what was going on in there. When I walked in the back to grab a nice cold refreshing Faygo out of the pop machine.

I saw Psychopathic Patrick wrapping a ladder in barbwire. I walked over to see if he needed any help and before you knew it, I was doing another ladder with barbwire (if you don't know, the barbwire ladder is a great hardcore JCW tradition). When we were done we had 3 ladders and 2 baseball bats covered in barbwire, also for those haters out there that think it isn't real barbwire I can now show you all the cuts I received from it. Well I sat down to take a break and began to check out the new Dark Lotus football jerseys that had just come in for the Gathering of the Juggalos.

These are fresh as hell it has the Dark Lotus emblem in platinum and with a black background and some black with a platinum background. After that we went back into the studio where a drummer had put some drum beats to the track, which added even more flavor to what was already a great tune. Well Rudy, J and I headed back to J's crib while Shaggy stayed behind to add finishing touches with Mike to the song. We were chillin' while J got ready to go out for along hard night of gambling. Well J had took this fine ass ho out with him to the casino.

He said that all night long motherfuckers were treating him like her retarded younger brother, cause they were thinking how can a scrubby thug like that get with a banging-ass girl. Well fuck them bitches cause hos want us scrubbed-out gang bangers too, and don't try to deny it because we know that bitches love a bad boy. But anyway fuck them for real. Well when J was down to $500 he said fuck it and put all of it on black at the roulette table, it hit he doubled his money roll. He did this about 3 or 4 times till he quickly had a cool $3,500, not to shabby. Well on that note everyone i'm going to call it a night cause its getting late as fuck. I think I'm going to hit the hay so until tomorrow's report, goodnight Juggalos.

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

RenoRyda
November 28, 2017
2:49 pm
Oolong Johnson
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6/20 @ The Lotus Pod, Detroit, MI

 

Today is a day off, which we will all spend on the lake jet skiing and BBQ on the boat. Well the day started off at around 4 PM when Mike P and Shaggy arrived at J's house. We then loaded Violent J's truck with 2 jet skis and a cooler packed with all kinds of treat including some beer and Jaeger, a very vital ingredient if you want to hang with the Psychopathic crew. Well we then made our way to a lake near Billy Bill's house, which is in the country a long way from J's place. When we arrived Ry Ry and Billy had already put their boat in the water, but they were no where to be seen.

They then pulled up with a brand new speedboat that looked like a cross between a boat and a Jet ski. Well as soon as everything was in the water J headed out on one of the jet skis, and Billy and Ry Ry were in the jet ski/boat hybrid. While Shaggy and me were stuck in the pontoon boat which went a cool 10mph when maxed. Well we went out to a bad ass little island were Ry Ry almost burnt down the boat cooking on the grill. Well will we were waiting for the food to cook we tied a big inflatable ring to the back of the speedboat.

J was the first to get on, he was hitting mad air on it almost falling off, after J it was Shaggy to volunteer next he held on till the end were we did the last turn and he fell off and hit the water. He skimmed across it 5-6 times everyone said it looked like he was walking on water or something. As Mike P got on he started to act all cool and try to do tricks with no hands, so I told Billy to take the corner as fast as he can. He flew off (when I say flew off I mean like Superman) but was quick to jump back on and begin trying to do the same thing.

When he fell off for the second time, right by where the boat was, he said that he had been crippled and that his rib was broken. Well everyone ignored his whining (well he has a nipple ring and is one of those alternative rock people) and thought nothing of it. Which is good because he is fine now. Well after everyone had been on the jet skis and the speedboat, we loaded up the Skis and headed back to J's house. When we got back we signed online and again I got to witness the chaos that is Freddy Fritz, I mean everyone Instant Messaging (IM) him so much so that the number limit for IMs is gets maxed out and every time you try to close one someone else IM'ed him.

If I tell you Juggalos one thing today it would be this…Mostly all the people that IM'ed J now are haters that think Violent J acts like he is to good for Juggalos now. Well to those dumb-ass motherfuckers don't you realize that he gets IM'ed by crazy amounts of people and that's why he goes into the chatroom so he can talk to all you Juggalos. Well we also updated the ICP hotline so go call that and check it out. Well I'm out. Peace Ya'll.

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

RenoRyda
December 1, 2017
12:05 am
Oolong Johnson
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6/21 @ The Psychopathic Office and Lotus Pod, Detroit, MI

 

Was going on Juggalos? This is Southern Crumpet aka Crumpcakes coming at you with today's happenings. Well, let's tell you of all the wonders the that the Dark Carnival provided today. Here it is: all of the ninja's that are reading this need to mark on your calendars that today was the official beginning of "Zug Izland". You might ask, why's this? Well, today the first track that will be used was finished it is great song and will split your wig back when you hear it. It features the vocal talents of long time homie the Rude Boy himself.

Don't worry I promise you it is a dope ass song. While they put the finishing touches on the track I was upstairs in the office putting up reports and making up trivia questions. Well Juggalos the trivia for the Gathering is going to rock your little minds there are 50 categories and thousands of questions, some which date back to Bassment Cuts and before. As I wrote up some questions, the Flying Saucer for the gathering arrived, which is a inflatable ring that looks like a UFO and has a camera and mad crazy lights all around it arrived at the office.

This will be used at the Gathering of the Juggalos to fly around and take mad pictures, so that all the bitch Juggalos that are sitting at home can sit there and think to themselves why the fuck they are so dumb and had over 5 months to get up money and a ride to go there. I mean, lets be realistic there are plenty of ways to earn money some quick examples: sell dope, sell your ass, get a job working McDonald's, go snatch some purses and that's just of the top of my head.

As for getting a ride there, here are some more examples for all the slow ninjas that are out there: Hitchhike, steal a car, take a bus, take a plane, take a boat, take a skateboard, take a cop car, tie yourself to the back of a semi and grease yourself up a slide there... well now it might be becoming clear to you that the Gathering is no joke and if you miss it, you might as well be just another busta, cause everyone has worked so hard at Psychopathic, most definitely Jumpsteady, and its all for you Juggalos to have the time of your lives at.

Well anyway now that I have stressed the point that you have to be at the Gathering of the Juggalos, let me move on and tell you how the day ended: When J, Rude Boy and me left the office, it was around 8pm. We all headed back to J's house so J could get ready to go out to the casino. I am staying here so that I can look through a pile of old pictures of ICP for the Behind the Paint book, I am picking out all the rare ass ones that even I have never even seen before. As much as you think you have seen of Insane Clown Posse you will never even now how much more there is.

Pictures of J when he got shot and a whole lot of pictures of Inner City Posse. I am damn shocked to be sitting here looking at them. Anyway its late as fuck and J just walked in (or should I say stumbled) from the casino. He said he was getting crunked the fuck up on some Jaeger. Well J and me have decided that the Southern Crumpet reports will be better if it is only once a week to keep them original and packed with great hyped up info. But that does not mean that will include when we are on the road it will still be everyday because that's when Juggalos want to know what's happening all the time. So until next week Juggalos keep it real. Southern Crumpet, is out now

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

RenoRyda
December 5, 2017
12:27 am
Oolong Johnson
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6/22-28 Weekly Report

 

What up Juggalos…well as most of you know from now on I will only be doing reports once a week unless we are on tour or travelling. So here is the recap on this week for that ass. Well on Saturday Violent J, Rude Boy, Mike P, G-Man and me all went to see Prince in concert. If you didn't know the Rude Boy is a big ass prince fan. Violent J is a big ass Prince fan too, but that's just because he's trying to be like The Rude Boy. We left to go get some eats before the show. We went to a place called "Como's" in Ferndale. We were ridin' in a stretch limo navigator (Rydin Dirtay style) so luckily nobody had to drive. After we got our fill of steak bites and pizza it was off to the concert where Prince put on a great show.

It sucked though because we arrived an hour late so we missed some of the flavor. I(f you don't like Prince, then you ain't shit. Prince fuckin' schooled it. The whole time we were all jumping up and dancing around in our seats. The shit was fresh as hell. Prince had Joe Louis Arena rockin'. Even our bodyguards were dancing. Mostly everyday this week has been spent in the studio working hard to get this new project going. The office is split into two groups at the moment. Theirs us in the studio everyday, and everybody else is working hard on The Gathering. So it is basically pure chaos up in here. Juggalos you must believe me, the entire crew here is putting in so much work for the gathering, and you wouldn't believe it.

They are putting together so many surprises and flavor that there is no way anybody will be let down. Just the other day J wanted to take a break from studio and go check out some wrestling somewhere. Rude Boy and me got online to start checking out all the wrestling going on. When we were just about to say "Fuck it!" and give up lookin we were hit by a wrestling event that was packed with pure freshness. It was in Louisville, Kentucky it was called the "Last Dance". The show was billed as the last wrestling event the Louisville Gardens will ever host. The Louisville Gardens is a historic place for wrestling and we just had to be there. The matches that night is on the bottom of the report. We quickly went to go get some tickets.

Rude boy and me updated the hotline that night to tell all the Juggalos in the surrounding areas to go check it out. We had a pretty crazy crew with us. It was Violent J, Rude Boy, Razor Ray from the band Harm's Way, and Peewee. (J and Shaggy have known Peewee for almost 10 years. Peewee used to be a referee in ECW and Japan. He's knows the wrestling business inside and out. Psychopathic Records has just hired him to help run JCW. Peewee is the shit and we're all glad to have him aboard). So we left in the morning at around 12pm to make that long ass journey from Detroit to Kentucky. On the way everyone talked about past wrestles and what there favorite wrestling matches were. There was some hella wrestling talk going on inside that limo. Believe me, I never knew people could talk that much about the same thing for so long.

When we finally arrived at the Louisville Garden we got out and went inside. Hound dogs were mobbing J all night, most of them didn't even know who he was but just that he was famous. It wasn't all hound dogs though, there was some cool ass Juggalos in the house as well. Juggalos are always welcome to chill with us, but people wanting an autograph for there neighbors kid can fuck off.. Some knew ICP was going to be there and so they painted up there faces and everything, them Juggalos were the shit!. We started to look around to see if we could find any wrestling merchandise for sale. There was some bitch selling some video tapes of wrestling events that had gone down in the OVW (Ohio Valley Wrestling).

J was quick to sell her out of all the tapes she had. He bought them all. You see, it gets boring on the bus sometimes and is always good to put on a wrestling tape and just chill and watch it. The only thing that sucked was that I had to carry the box of videos around all night. Before long, we were invited to sit down in the V.I.P section by some security guards that was hounding. We were all just chillin' when out of nowhere we got the bone. I now definitely believe that ICP must be the most hated band in the world because out of the blue, the wrestling promoter Jim Cornett sent 4 security guards and a head ninja to go kick us out of the V.I.P section. We didn't even ask to sit there in the first place! But more importantly, what the fuck was Jim Cornett's problem? It was fucked up because ICP has never done anything to cause that little bitch to hate them.

The only thing we can think of that Jim Cornett is jealous of JCW. Well fuck you Jim Cornett. ICP has always had nothing but respect for you until now. Now you can consider ICP your enemy. You're nothing but a player hater. The very wrestlers you booked are our friends and even they questioned your antics. Learn how to control your jealousy. Well we sat down back in the normal seating, which is much better anyway, the show was about ready to start. Basically the best part of the whole wrestling event was the fact that all the WWF superstars that was there were getting their asses beat. Well after the Undertaker and Kane's match (the main event) was over we were outta there. Of course, we then went to check out the local titty bars in the Louisville Kentucky area. When we pulled up at one, you could just tell it was going to be full of nasty bitches.

The club was surrounded by smokestacks (Sounds like a great place for a wicked clown) and pollution pipes. The entire place was a dump. Well after checking that out for a good two minutes it was off to the next one. This one was a little better. But before long you could tell it was time to head back home to Detroit when a 60+ year old bitch stepped out to do her dance. We were out. About 6 hours later we finally arrived back in Detroit at around 8am. After we got all our shit out the limo it was time to head back to J's and catch some sleep because it's back to the studio tonight. Well that's the week so far cut down into a very small report. Basically it's been a studio week so what can I say? The week was slow, but its worth it. Your going to love the new shit they are working on. I'm out and I'll be seeing you ninjas in a week with a new report! Until then peace!

 

THE MAIN EVENT! * * Former WWF Champion Mick Foley, Special Referee * * FORMER WWF CHAMPION THE AMERICAN BADASS, THE UNDERTAKER vs. THE DEMON OF THE DEEP LEVIATHAN w/SYNN OVW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE OVW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION FLASH vs. WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION CHRIS "Y2J" JERICHO GRUDGE TAG BATTLE FORMER WWF CHAMPION KURT ANGLE & TWO-TIME ALL-AMERICAN ERIC ANGLE vs. THE DISCIPLES OF SYNN, PAYNE & DAMIAN w/SYNN & CONNIE SWAIL (PLEASE NOTE: IF ERIC ANGLE'S INJURIES PREVENT HIM FROM COMPETING, HIS SPOT WILL BE OCCUPIED BY RON "H20" WATERMAN) OVW SOUTHERN TAG TITLE THE MINNESOTA STRETCHING CREW SHELTON BENJAMIN & BROCK LESNAR vs. THE RADICALS PERRY SATURN & DEAN MALENKO SPECIAL CHALLENGE BOUT RANDY ORTON w/BOB ORTON, JR. vs. RICO COSTANTINO w/KENNY BOLIN NO DISQUALIFICATION TAG MATCH FORMER WWF CHAMPION BIG SHOW & WWF SUPERSTAR MARK HENRY vs. BOLIN SERVICE'S TEAM OF MR. BLACK & THE PROTOTYPE w/THROCKMORTON & CRONY MACHINE'S MASK VS. DINSMORE LEAVE OVW! "MR. WRESTLING" NICK DINSMORE vs. MACHINE SPECIAL EVENT - BATTLE OF THE SEXES * * The Fox's Triple X Lex, Special Guest Referee * * OVW REFEREE DONNA DERRING w/WQMF'S CHARLIE STEELE vs. 100.5 THE FOX'S TONY VANETTI w/KENNY BOLIN TEAM OVW TAKES ON THE REVOLUTION THE DAMAJA & IRONMAN ROB CONWAY vs. SLY SKRAPER & MIKE HARD w/SMOOTH JOHNNY SPADE SIX MAN TAG MATCH RON "H2O" WATERMAN, BRIAN KECK, & JASON LEE vs. SEXY SEAN CASEY, CHRIS MICHAELS, & CHRIS ALEXANDER PLUS!!! SINCE 1970, THE GARDENS HAS HOSTED MORE LIVE PRO WRESTLING EVENTS THAN ANY OTHER ARENA IN THE UNITED STATES! ON THIS, THE FINAL EVENT IN THE GARDENS, LOUISVILLE'S GREATEST WRESTLING LEGENDS OF THE PAST 31 YEARS WILL APPEAR LIVE AND IN PERSON!!! THE FABULOUS JACKIE FARGO BILL "SUPERSTAR" DUNDEE "HANDSOME" JIMMY VALIANT "BEAUTIFUL" BOBBY EATON AND ROCKY "SOULMAN" JOHNSON Southern Crumpet.

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

RenoRyda
December 8, 2017
12:13 am
Oolong Johnson
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7/13, Seagate Center, Toledo, OH

 

What's going on, Juggalos? As you can see I haven't done a report for a little while. This is because I have been hard at work, along with everyone else, setting up for the Gathering of the Juggalos 2001. Well today was the first day of the Gathering. Everybody was nervous and hoped that everything would go over smoothly and that all Juggalos would have the time of there lives. The night before at around 2 in the morning, I was with Double A and Patrick cruising around when we happened to pass the line to enter the Seagate Center and it was packed around the building to the next block. Every single street we turned onto it was packed with Juggalos.

The whole of Toledo was turned into a clown town. The next day I awoke to the chants of "ICP" at 8am and knew the Gathering was close. I walked downstairs to the lobby of the hotel and it was amazing to see the line of Juggalos was now in the thousands and covered at least 2 blocks. When I got in the Seagate center, I headed straight for a role call that was being held for everyone that was working the Gathering, which was enough ninjas to fill up some bleachers. Rude Boy and Jumpsteady got on the mic and schooled everybody on there jobs were. Well at about 10am they let the first wave of Juggalos in to buy merchandise.

The hall where the booths were completely flooded with Juggalos wanting to get there hands on new clothing, CD's and etc. It was an amazing site to see 1000+ Juggalos pushing and shoving to reach the booths inside. Well about 30 minutes later they let all the Juggalos into the museum, Skate Park and other booths area. They immediately ran to the asylum where ICP, Twiztid and other acts were having autograph sessions. If you don't know what the asylum is I will tell you it has walls that look like brick on the outside and inside it has padded and glass walls which contain the insane Ape Boy and those 2 serial killaz Jamie Madrox and Monoxide Child, so basically it looks like an asylum for all the slow Juggalos. Today Rydas were doing signing I went in to right before it began to see what was going down.

Foe Foe, Cell Block and Lil Shank (You might think this is Blaze and Twiztid in bandanas but that is a pure rumor) were chillin' in full gangsta rags talking about your mama. After taking a couple pictures I thought it would be best to leave before I got my shit jacked by those hardcore ghetto street thugs the Psychopathic Rydas. I then walked over to the Jeckel Brothers museum booth to take some pictures of Juggalos adding tape to Big Silva and just to sit and talk to him cause he is my homie too ( If you don't know what Big Silva is it is a big ball of tape that J started by squeezing some silver tape together now it is over 150 lbs of pure tape that likes to break shit).

I was watching the Big Silva video when some ninja went to start taking tape off Big Silva next thing you know Big Silva rolled over him and crushed him. You might think I'm just playing, I would also think that to if it was anywhere else but the Gathering were the Dark Carnival was in effect 24/7. After feeding Big Silva some tape it was off to go check out the ring girl contest. I was backstage when all the girls were getting naked, I mean changed into their swimsuits. Some Juggalette wanted to show me her talent so I was like go for it, she took off her top and started jumping up and down smacking me in the face with her tits.

Right then and their I knew this was the place I needed to be. After watching Tom Dub escort all the bitches down to the ring and grab all of their asses when he so kindly helped them in to it, I was out. I headed straight back to the asylum where ICP was doing their autograph session. The line was about 1000+ deep with Juggalos wanting to meet Shaggy and J. I went in and got a couple pictures of Juggalos getting all kinds of shit signed. But there was no time to sit and chill at the Gathering, I had to get to the Blaze seminar on the second floor. When I got there the room was already filled up with Juggalos and Blaze and Anybody Killa where drinking beer and answering all the questions that Juggalos could think of.

A couple common ones were "When is Anybody Killa getting signed up to Psychopathic?" he answered with "you tell me", another one was "Why did you leave Psychopathic records for?" Blaze answered "Shit, their was some business problems but I will never leave Psychopathic because theirs no other place for a dead body!". After that I went to go see some barbwire, blood and bitches were else can you have such a great combination of stuff it had to be JCW mother fucka. I began watching Mad Man Pondo smash light bulbs over his opponents head in a hardcore glass match (who else could find this so entertaining besides a Juggalo). When it was over and the ring was cleared of all the glass and pieces of skull it was time for the main event.

When JCW was over I had to host the open mic so I began getting ready and collecting CD's from the ninjas wishing to get a chance to perform. Well when it was time to begin I came out and announce the first Juggalo to go on, 25 people and 10 demos later the open mic was over. When I got back to the ICP.com booth I was asked to help out on selling merchandise because there was now a line that stretched from one end of the Seagate Center to the other. I missed both the Organ Grinders and Myzery show, but there was no missing the Twiztid show. The stage was the Freekshow tour set with the Madrox and Monoxide angel and the dead trees.

This was an awesome show about half way through it Blaze and Anybody Killa came out to do a song with them. From the stage all you could see was a sea of Juggalos, it was amazing. When the crowd thought it couldn't possibly get any better there was another assault of freshness as ICP came out. Violent J schooled all the Juggalos in on the new Dark Lotus sign. Twiztid played a lot of old school jams mixed up with some new school. The day had been devastating nothing had gone wrong it was going great. Well the Seagate Center was closed and Juggalos were moved out.

Well by this time I was mad tired and I headed straight for the hotel to go chill and relax. Well I couldn't have been more wrong the whole hotel had been taken over by Juggalos. I headed upstairs to go chill with Violent J and Nate the Mack. When I got to the 15th floor it just looked like a party. J and Jamie Madrox began to call everyone who stayed on the 15th floor the "15th floor Rydas". Well as I began to head downstairs in the elevator the fire alarm started going off the doors opened and then tried to shut on me.

Seems some misc. person on the 9th floor had set off the sprinklers and the whole floor got flooded. Well I was hungry as fuck so I went to grab some eats with J, Nate the mack and G-man at a big boy 20 minutes outside Toledo. There was still Juggalos there that was coming up to J. Well when we got back to the hotel it was around 4am and everyone went to go get some sleep. Well that was only the first day so keep coming back to read my reports. Keep it real Juggalos, i'm tired as fuck so i'm out.

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

RenoRyda
December 8, 2017
1:23 am
RenoRyda
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As always thank you for posting these you the real MVP.

Whoop Whoop RenoRyda :

TheFvckinKreeper
December 8, 2017
5:05 am
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Crumpets?

Where da fack is da milk and cookies

17-best-ideas-about-friday-after-next-on-pinterest-friday-movie-34846.jpgImage Enlarger

🎅🍞🍺

Whoop Whoop Missile_Toe :

bayAreaShaman
December 8, 2017
8:05 am
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Did any of the Rudeboy versions of Zug Izland songs ever surface? I forget how that all went down. I remember the news updates back then about Zug Izland being a new Psychopathic rock band and that Rude Boy was the vocalist. Next thing you know he's out and Syn is in. I'm sure it's a smart move though, Rude Boy sounds ok on the few things we've heard him on but Syn is much, much different and way better for rock shit.

December 9, 2017
1:14 am
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7/14 @ Gathering of the Juggalos 2001 , Seagate Center, Toledo, OH

 

What up ninja's? This is the report for the second day of the Gathering of the Juggalos 2001, little did I know this day would be just a fresh as the first and equally as hard. The night before after the concert Juggalos had taken over the hotel, flooding floors 9 and 8 and literally turning the stairs into a waterfall. The night was pure madness all the Juggalos were in effect letting Toledo, OH now that the Dark Carnival was in town. Would today be just a crazy and fun: sit back, get comfortable and read the report of the 2nd day of the Gathering.

Well today I had to get up early to start off the open mic, this wasn't that hard because I barely got any sleep from partying so hard the night before. When I awoke I was surprised to see no Juggalos in the hotel lobby, as there was thousands the night before, instead they were all lined up for 3 blocks waiting for the doors to the Seagate Center to open. After talking to a group of Juggalos that some had come as far as Alaska and California it was back in to get the stage ready. When the doors opened for the second time there was no holding back all the Juggalos flooded the main halls.

Less then 2 minutes later there was a line of 20+ ninja's wanting to get there hands on the open mic. When I had all the CD's of beats I started letting a couple people back to go up and do there thing. After the line had died down we still had awhile so I let everyone back to have a freestyle battle, no beats just rhymes. I must admit I was very took back on some of the talent that was at the Gathering. Two people would battle out the one that got booed would be thrown of the stage (when I say thrown I mean picked up and thrown).

Well after the open mic ended, I only had time to hit up the Twiztid seminar listen in and take some pictures then it was out to the main stage to go judge the best tattoo contest. The 3 judge's was of course the one and only me, the mega movie star from Big Money Hustlas Missy and the JCW superstar Tyrus Bagwell. After judging about 20 Juggalo tattoos it was time to pick the 3 winners. Third place went to a ninja with a Riddlebox tattoo with the added freshness of a severed slim anus head. Second was another Juggalo with a tattoo that completely covered his back mad skill.

First place was from a down ass ninja with the "Just when you thought they were dead" tattoo on one of his arms and a Jeckel Brothers on the other, plus the others he had all over his body. I have to say that Psychopathic Records really appreciates these Juggalo's that go through all that pain and end up with a piece of great art that marks a part of there life, the Dark Carnival is with you. I managed to watch a little bit of JCW but I had to go back to the stage to Judge another competition this time for Psycho Karaoke. This time judging was me, Missy once again and now joining was new Psychopathic producer and engineer Mike Penis.

Well starting of the contest was two Juggalettes singing Tilt-a-Whirl. Well what can I say the only points I gave these was when they showed there ass that had Tilt-a-Whirl written on there panties, Sorry girls but you didn't even know the words. The winner was going to be hard to pick it was between a Juggalo and a Juggalette that sung "First Day Out" and some ninja and his boy that looked like Carrot Top. In the end all the Juggalos in the crowd helped out and it was apparent that the girl and the ninja took it, so they walked away with a fresh Backstage pass.

After giving mad props to those two Juggalos, I was out to go see my dead homie Blaze and my other great homie Anybody Killa at there autograph session. We talked for a little while they signed a whole bunch of Juggalos shit. Then once again it was out to do open mic again, this went good and was over before most Juggalos got a chance to get up. I made sure that everyone that didn't get a chance to get on today would have a chance tomorrow. I missed the Marz show but as soon as I was done with open mic, I slipped backstage and talked to Marz and Kaos and they said it was an awesome show and that Juggalos gave up mad love.

While i was backstage, Jumpsteady told me about the Juggalo wedding and that when the preacher asked if there was any objection's someone from the crowd came up and gave the groom a massive chair shoot wrestling style and then stole the bride. Whoa...only at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Before you knew it Blaze and Anybody Killa where ready to go out and school the Juggalos on some of the new Blaze shit. Well he started of with Saturday Afternoon and quickly went into Hood Rats. Then he surprised Juggalos by playing his favorite track off his new album "One Less G in the Hood" called "The Casket". This was awesome. Having heard the CD, I thought he did a great job live.

Twiztid and ICP went and joined him onstage doing a couple songs including "Where It's Going Down". After the curtains were drawn everyone was still wondering who the mystery guest was. About half an hour later they would find out as the curtain opened for the third musical guest the mystery guest came out which was…Bone thugs and Harmony (well minus one person). Still Juggalos were in for a great show considering I heard that they don't really get along to much. After doing a shitload of awesome songs including "Thuggish Ruggish Bone" it was over.

The anticipation in the air was amazing as every Juggalo in the Seagate center had entered the main hall to see the first ever performance of DARK LOTUS!!!. As the curtained opened 6 figures stand in the shadows of the stage which was lighten by candles that flicked on the words Dark Lotus. Then one figure raises his arms one in an "D" the other in a "L" the other 5 figures follow. Then boom the lights kick in and the whole crowd goes nuts as they play for the first time ever after more then 3 years of waiting. As the Song "Give Me That Blood" played the main chorus kicked in, J told every Juggalo how to get down to this song.

There must be no movement when the voice says "ohhh what I wouldn't do to taste that blood" then when it kicks in and says "GIVE ME THAT BLOOD! GIVE ME THAT BLOOD!" every Juggalo must bounce. So remember that for the Hatchet rising tour so you can school all the other ninjas. When the final song kicked in Dark Lotus invited all the Psychopathic Employees that was backstage to come out. The song is "Juggalo Family" this is the song where the chorus says "Mass Murder makes me Happy, Dead bodies make me Happy, say what you will of me I always have Juggalo Family!".

Straight up this song was made for you Juggalos and I think every single Juggalo that saw them perform this knew because you all had your hands in the air and was singing along. Well right before the show ended J announce that there was a party at the hotel and before you knew it there was Juggalos packing the doors trying to get across the street to the hotel. After talking to Steve the office ninja and Patrick it was back to the hotel. As I got in the lobby a swarm of special police run through the door and shut down the hotel, and wouldn't let anyone upstairs.

A couple of rumors went by that they was going to be arresting everyone on the 15th floor begin a 15th Floor Ryda I quickly jumped on the phone to warn J's room. When they let everyone to the rooms I went straight up to the 15th floor to see what was going on. For some reason I stopped and knocked on Jamie Madrox's and Monoxide's room when I entered I got the full story I will tell you what I was told. While the last song of Dark lotus played, Myzerys crew where mad drunk and were talking shit to one of Twiztid's homies. So after the set Blaze and Twiztid went straight to Myzery's room to confront him and ask what was their fucking problem.

Before you knew it one of Myzery's crew came out and tried to stab Blaze and Monoxide with a knife. After awhile Blaze and Twiztid got the best of Myzery and his crew and got out of there. Blaze had a couple of cuts but he's dead so it didn't hurt to much and basically everyone had a bruise or two. The end result is that Myzery will never be apart of another Psychopathic event. Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I will be back with another report tomorrow with the last report for the Gathering. Keep an eye out for all the pictures that I took at the Gathering to be put up soon.

December 9, 2017
1:23 am
Noah Fence
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Oolong Johnson said
The end result is that Myzery will never be apart of another Psychopathic event. Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

😂😂😂

If you really believed that all lives matter we wouldn't need to say black lives matter

December 9, 2017
8:46 pm
backstabber
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them early Gatherings were the shit!cheers the good old days!

December 9, 2017
10:54 pm
scruffy
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backstabber said   
them early Gatherings were the shit!cheers the good old days!      

true.  

better ones later, though.  

  awfully paranoid, arent you?   

December 9, 2017
11:34 pm
Missile_Toe
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🎶These wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives🎶

🎅

December 10, 2017
1:14 am
Oolong Johnson
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7/15 @ The Gathering of the Juggalo's 2001, Seagate Center, Toledo, OH

 

The final day of the Gathering of the Juggalos 2001, I can't believe it's gone so fast. Well 2 weeks ago I didn't feel like the Gathering would ever come, now it's the final day of 3 days that I will never forget. And I hope all the other Juggalos out their feel the same way I do about this experience. Well I had to wake up early once more to do the Juggalo open mic, which wasn't that bad today considering the trikes from the trike race were chillin' behind the wrestling stage. So basically I could ride them back and forth and give my feet a rest.

After the open mic I went to go talk to my homie Double A at his autograph session with Mike E Clark. When I got on the scene, Alex told me to go hunt down this kid that he had gave a Juggalo box set to because he had come all the way from Alaska, Now that's what a Juggalo is all about. After talking to this ninja for a bit, I was off to JCW to take photos of all the matches. I arrived just as Hornswagglin' Hillybilly was bitching about how no one in JCW could defeat him, then the lights dimmed and Michael Jackson began to play, out comes Moon Glorious.

When the bell rung, Moon Glorious walked up to his 1000+ lbs opponent and delivered a mind blowing poke to the eyes and a kick to his balls, it took perfect aim to hit his nutsac because it is protected by all that blubber. He dropped like a ton of bricks, no really his weight equals close to a ton of bricks. Then Moon Glorious removes the smelly, sweaty socks and shoes from Hornswagglin's fat fuckin foot and begins to chew on his toe like a piece of chicken. After 1 minute of intense chewing, Hornswagglin was forced to tap out. On to the main event, Vampiro vs. Sabu, a blood filled 20 minutes of great wrestling.

I can't even begin to explain this match it was a great piece of wrestling and I have never seen so much blood come from one persons face before (Vampiro). Anyway Vampiro got the JCW belt back and delivered a speech on how much JCW and all the Juggalos out there mean to him. Next it was off to check out the lingerie contest on the main stage. One girl was completely topless and her whole body was covered in shaggy paint. Damn come to think of it I should have been judging this contest. Anyway the winner was wearing a thong and a psychopathic baseball jersey, not the best idea but she was a hot Juggalette.

Anyway after slipping back stage and trying to spit some game with some of the contestants, I was out to the dressing rooms to go chill with the Rydas. When it was time for them to hit the stage I was ready to hear some of the new shit from "Ryden Dirtay". When they opened the curtain Juggalos was amazed to see the Psychopathic Rydas for the first time since last years Gathering. This was a great show they sung a lot of hits from "Dumpin" but mixed in some of the new songs. When the show was over Foe Foe, Cell Block, Bullet, Lil Shank and Full Clip quickly left the building in a black truck, rumor has it to do a drive by, but that is pure speculation.

Next on was Vanilla Ice with his new style of Rap-Rock/Nu Metal, which was ok but nothing could compare to when he told his DJ to slow it down and he played the first verse to the original "Ice, Ice Baby". Word to your mother! When I went backstage I was chillin drinking some water when someone started talking to me, I looked up and it was the original white boy himself, Vanilla Ice, fresh from the stage. I couldn't help but remember this mutha fucka sold 50 million records, What the fuck happened? After talking to him for a couple minutes I can tell you this he is a ninja, straight up!

Anyway shit Three 6 Mafia in the heezy fo sheezy my neezy. Damn what a great performance. Everyone backstage, which at this time was me, Double A, Rude Boy and even Violent J himself was all jamming out. They sung all the good shit "Sippin on Some Syrup" and even "Tear Da Club Up". When the performance was over the lights turned back on and the curtains were put back in place. All the shit for the ICP show was put into place. When it was time for the show the curtains were dropped and the intro began. The six prophets of the Dark Carnival are with us tonight, Carnival of Carnage, The Ringmaster, Riddlebox, Great Milenko, The Amazing Jeckel Brothers and The Almighty Sixth Joker's Card.

Then, the Carnival of Carnage intro kicks in and out walk Violent J and Shaggy 2 dope, The crowd went crazy. The insanity carried on as they played Down With The Clown, Wizard of the Hood, The Juggla, The Stalker, Night of the Axe, Murder Go Round. When Assassins kicked in J stopped the music and said "Man you aren't ready for that shit". Juggalos went crazy, J kicked the beat back in then he stopped and said "Nah you ain't ready" after every single ninja in the building was screaming including the janitor and riot control. J realized they were maybe a little too ready. Now the rest of the night begins to get blurry for me if it was Dead Body Man or Assassins where the Juggalos just lost it and swarmed the stage.

The next thing I know 1000+ people were up on the stage, Only me and Jumpsteady on one side of the stage trying to get everyone off. I saw kids trying to rip down the Bizzar/Bizaar banner but what they didn't know was there was a 6ft drop behind it, before I could warn this one Juggalo he fell and impaled his hand on something that was behind the stage. Then I remembered the $5000 worth of explosives that everyone was walking on, I began to push people out the way as me and the Rude Boy began to kick over the firework propellants. Halfway through the chaos I lost sight of the Rude Boy. I later found out that he got hit over the head by a piece of metal and knocked out. Thankfully Vampiro carried him to first aid.

When I was trying to get people off the stage they just kept trying to walk back on, it really makes you think you never know what is onstage. I love all you Juggalos and I don't hate any of you, it was just pure excitement. I think Jumpsteady explained it best when he said its like premature ejaculation, it can't be helped. Well after the Juggalos were off the stage Alex came out and delivered a great speech and it moved me to hear Juggalos start chanting "We Fucked up!". That's it Juggalos the final day I wish there was more, Anyway Juggalos are the shit, The Gathering was the shit, And yes I am the shit. Til next time, Peace.

Whoop Whoop Oolong Johnson :

scruffy
December 10, 2017
2:20 am
scruffy
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i do not remember ever reading these toledo reports.  

i guess what i was remembering, is what i was told by whoever it was that read em.  hm.  

  awfully paranoid, arent you?   

December 11, 2017
1:08 am
Oolong Johnson
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7/29 @ IFW Wrestling Event, Detroit, MI

 

7/29 @ IFW Wrestling Event, Detroit, MI What up Juggalos...back from the wrestling show, what an awesome night this was going to be. Tonight was planned to be Violent J's retirement match from wrestling outside of the JCW, so you know tonight was packed full of mad flavor for the Juggalos. Well everyone meet up at the office at around 4 to pile deep up into the venue like some big superstars, MC hammer style a crew of 50 homies. Except we weren't paid to come like his bitches were, shit we family fuck that we come to show our love.

Most of the Psychopathic workers came out to show off there fresh Youth Gone Wild shirts that Psychopatrick had given out and said if they didn't wear it he would power bomb there heads into a table. When we left the office and arrived at the venue it was around 5 and there was already a line of Juggalo's surrounding the building waiting to get in. We went into the venue to check it out, it was purely ghetto the roof was bout 8 feet from the ring and the bottom rope was just sagging. But fuck everyone here at Psychopathic wants to show you Juggalos a good time so it doesn't matter if they wrestlers on two mattresses with garden hose as the ropes.

Outside Pickles was shooting some funny ass video of Jamie Madrox, Rude Boy, Blaze, Anybody Killa, Me and Violent J for the Twiztid website, But you will see all that freshness later so I wont say nothing in this report. Anyway shit we see those ninjas from the opium den up in the heezy, For those Juggalos who don't know bout the opium den let me school you real quick. Well the Gathering of the Juggalos 2001 at the hotel we had the "15th floor Rydas"(can I hear a "WOO WOO") consisting of all the big ballers on the 15th floor these ninjas was down the hall in there room which would later be named the opium den.

They invited Violent J, Twiztid and all the crew up they're to chill in the room. They said they had plenty of green those smokers so of course you now Twiztid down like four flat tires, and they said they got mad crazy eats for all of us fat kids to snack on to. We walk up in the room bout 20 people deep and they gotz whatever you need in this room I mean… a bathtub of food and drink more shit then in your local grocery store, plus mad kinds of smoke for Twiztid. Well damn they had enough food to feed England and Florida (shout out). Anyway these ninjas are the shit so we talked to them for a little while plus some other fresh Juggalo's that had come to show there love. Anyway I know you all want to hear bout that wrestling match, well shit here it is then damn.

Well most of the wrestling before the main event was pretty stale, Juggalos weren't getting into it to much. A couple cheers for 2 Tuff Tony and one of the Doink Brothers when they wrestled other then that everyone was waiting to see Violent J, Rude Boy and Psychopatrick wrestle Hollywood "Chuck" Hogan, Briar Wellington and Tyrus Bagwell in the Main event. Well time for the Main event the announcer calls out the opponents and then the music comes on for "Chicken Huntin". Just as the music started Brair Wellington tried to stop the,2,24sic so he could say something, but fuck that ain't nobody want to hear what he's gotta say. Outcomes the Psychopathic dream team to a crowd of cheers, they jump in the ring to confront those shit talkaz.

When the bell rings the Rude Boy is first in the ring, well damn I saw something I have never seen before in wrestlind Rude Boy was bleeding before he even got in the ring. Anyway he was wrestling the infamous Hollywood "Chuck" Hogan as seen in the JCW series. After Hollywood got his bamboo stick taken away the Rude boy had a chance to get in a couple of good hits in. After Rude boy tagged out to the one and only Youth Gone Wild wrestling superstar "Psychopatrick" he run in, as soon as Hollywood saw the pure physique of muscles he quickly retreated to his corner to tag out. Enter that richy fuck Briar Wellington wearing his yellow and black spandex with pepperoni nipple exposed.

First off Brair was doing a lot of good moves on our Psychopatrick such as the pepperoni power bomb and the spandex slam. You could see the torment on Patricks face as briar tried to get him to suck his nipple. Patrick had obviously had enough bullshiting with this kid cause he started kicking his ass for a lil bit there. After patrick had done a couple slams and eye pokes it was back to getting his ass beat. He manages to make a power tag with the Violent J and the crowd goes nuts, being the bitch briar is he tags out with Tyrus. J walks to the middle of the ring and lets Tyrus throw a couples punches to his already broken ribs, he laughs his pussy ass punches off. Violent J throws one blow and Tyrus is crying and rolling around in the ring like a little bitch ass.

J picks him up and throws him out the ring and tells rude boy and Patrick to give him to the Juggalos. Just at that moment the whole IFW team runs out and ambushes the Psychopathic team, Violent J is left in the ring getting beat by 4 IFW wrestlers. Until, Sabu . using a metal chair he had picked up from the audience makes a run in and clears the ring of all the IFW bitches. Even more IFW members come out and take the chair and pound it to Sabu's cranium. No one notices Twiztid, Blaze and Anybody Killa emerge from the dressing room to help out their homies.

Before you know it they had the ring cleared of all the IFW wrestles and Violent J was challenging Lynch Mob to a match, and this time Shaggy 2 Dope will be there to help out. After being held back by security Violent J went looking for them and they had already run like little homo fags. The date and the place has been set: August 23rd, 2001 Hamtramick Knights of Columbus Hall Sabu & ICP vs. The Lynch Mob plus Rude Boy, and Psychopathic Patrick

December 11, 2017
1:12 am
Oolong Johnson
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8/8 @ Desirable Discs, Detroit, MI

 

What up Juggalos? Today was the beginning of the Dark Lotus instore, I got to the Psychopathic office at around 11pm. Steve the office ninja told me there was already about 500 kids that had been inline since sometime the night before. The venue started giving out around 500 numbered bracelets to the kids waiting and then the cops moved all the kids out till the instore started. I was getting a lot of people coming up to me that didn't get a bracelet and wanted to know why they only gave out so many. Well Juggalos, the answer is simple Jamie, Monoxide, Shaggy, J and Blaze all have to do this again tomorrow and although they would love to sign something for every single one of you mutha fuckas, it just ain't possible sometimes.

The crowd waited by the walls that had been tagged the night before with big ass ICP and Twiztid signs. Looking in the distance you could see rolling around the corner was a black hearse with gunshots and blood splatters sprayed down the sides, the side and front both have the emblem of the Dark Lotus. It pulls to the door and outcome the 5 members of Dark Lotus each one gripping a ninja sword sporting the DL cross make-up. The inside was set up with a platform with 5 chairs and a huge banner draped across the back. A couple interesting points were Choko and Vinnie from the Shockumentary video.

Choko had bought a umbrella to sign, which J opened up and someone told him it was bad luck to open it inside. He flipped it around and told her the Lotus said that's good luck, so go out and make sure to break lots of mirrors and all that good shit. Vinnie had come to clear up some bullshit rumors that had got started about he had sold out ICP. J was pointing out a lot of the rare shit from back in the day that people had bought into get signed. Mostly everyone there was a down ass Juggalo and the line of people quickly went down even though nobody was rushed out. Fuck that!

They want to meet you Juggalos as much as you Juggalos want to meet them. Most of the Psychopathic crew was in effect representing to the fullest, And one Juggalo took advantage of that and had everybody sign the hood of his car. A lot of people bought stuff for ICP, Twiztid and Blaze, things like Porno movies, Action figures and even a huge ass super soaker water gun. Which was later used to keep the crowd in check, ok we didn't soak the crowd even though I'm sure they wouldn't have cared. Well I'm out till tomorrow, Peace.

December 14, 2017
3:43 pm
Oolong Johnson
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8/9 @ Cruisin' Tune's, Pittsburgh, PA

 

The second day of the Dark Lotus in-store in Pittsburgh, PA. It went over great and over 500 Juggalos walked away with something signed and a chance to say they met ICP, Twiztid and Blaze in person. Enough bullshitting and on with the report. We got on the bus around 5am the night before and unfortunately due to the size of the Dark Lotus hearse and the fact that it is cursed with the souls of the Lotus, we were not able to bring it. But we will still make sure that doesn't effect the fun that Juggalos have.

When we got on the bus, Twiztid wasted no time in rolling up some trees and getting smoked up. We all went to the backroom to watch the video Patrick had received from Dory Funk's wrestling school. This was pure freshness. After a good night and most of the day asleep, everyone awoke from their slumber and it was out to get some food. We went to a Mexican restaurant where we ate the fuck outta some nachos and burritos. After we all ate, it was time to go walk a strip of stores that was down the street. J got some fake ass FUBU shit and a bunch of CD's including some Guns and Roses and the new Sticky Fingaz album. Which we later judged the first two tracks and it got the thumbs down so we threw it away.

Now the show was close so everyone started to get ready. When we arrived the line was around the front of the store and the side. Jamie saw some fresh ass shit like a set of old school Transformer videos. The venue was fresh but the Juggalos there were even fresher. Shaggy unfortunately couldn't make it to the show. But Juggalos still had Violent J, Twiztid and Blaze to chill with. They received all kinds of freaky shit from the Juggalos their, for instance Monoxide got some baby oil and Jamie got a whole lot of Batman shit.

At one point, a kid walked through the line with an old Transformer action figure and had Monoxide sign it, the whole time Madrox is telling the kid he will give him a $100 for it. The kid had everyone sign it and walked up to Jamie an asked if he still wanted it, he said "not now bitch, damn!". Violent J spoke to the kid that had the fresh Riddlebox tattoo with an Eminem severed head on his arm. He hooked him up with some free shit and then told him to pull his car that he was talking about around back so he could see it. Violent J was on the phone leaving a message for this kids answering machine.

He said something like "Bitch this is Violent J from the Insane Clown Posse, Matt is either fucking or out making that money so either way you called at a bad time so fuck off and leave a message." When everyone in line had spoke and got there shit signed by the 5 members of the Lotus, it was out to go talk to some of the Juggalos in the crowd. Most in which had been waiting outside for more then 8 hours and had drove a couple hours more on top of that. Well after the whole staff at the place got there shit signed and took a couple pictures it was time to leave.

Unfortunately the one Juggalo who had the car that he pulled round back had now turned into a hundred hound dogs. When we had got rid of most of the people J came around back to check out that Juggalo's ride. When J was done telling this kid what a Juggalo he was, we were out. Back on the bus everyone started getting ready to roll to Ohio. Of course, Twiztid and Blaze had a joint burning and a wrestling tape in for J. Well I'm out to go get some rest, but no fear I will be back with some more freshness on how the Dark Lotus in-store tour is going.

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