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Story time!!
February 20, 2016
9:56 pm
Split
Nebraska
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December 27, 2015
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And now, for your eyeballs fukkin reading  pleasure it's story time!!!! 

On my 17th birthday I got up like any normal day. Started trying to figure out the plans for the day with an old ex girlfriend when someone knocked at the door. It was my old ex girl friends best friend. They went in the other room and talked amongst themselves and when they came back they explined to me that they would both be fukking me tonight. Hooray!! So I put a big party together and it went down great. Sitting there with a chick on each arm my boy Clint was like pip you the luckiest ma fukka I kno. Everyone left they got on each other, pulled me out, boom! A sharing moment and I put them both to sleep. 

The End

February 21, 2016
3:07 pm
Neverthrive
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July 27, 2012
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My first time going to a bar I was the designated driver. No one told me DDs get free soda and shit, so I just sat in the back of the bar, alone, bored, and kind of pissed off that I had gotten roped into that situation. I ended up taking some guy I didn't know to a convenient store in town so he could buy smokes, 'cause I didn't have anything better to do. Come closing time, I go to leave with the people I came with and I'm stopped by the bouncer dude and some skeezy looking guy in a leisure suit or something. They ask me what was up and why I had just been sitting in the back by myself and I explained I was a designated driver, and the bouncer said I should have told them, it's a selfless thing I'm doing, they would have hooked me up with some caffeine and whatever. I told them I'd be sure to let them know next time and I'm about to turn to leave when the other guy asks me if I have any weed to sell him. I understand the question, I know I look like the type, but I don't smoke, and I sure don't sell. I told him I don't, then he asks me if I have any cocaine, to which I again answered no. I was a bit taken aback by that question, honestly, and I still don't understand that guy's thought process. But I learned that night that I must really look remarkably like a drug dealer. 

Then I drove home and only had to stop once for someone to puke. 

daisies2-4.jpg

February 25, 2016
3:14 pm
Split
Nebraska
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So no one has any stories? I got more.... The woman I'm with now I plan on being with for the rest of my life. We been together for bout 5 yrs now and we been through a lil bit of shit but here's what happened... Bout a year and a half ago we were at work, we work in the same warehouse, at Jack links beef jerky. It's a distribution center so it's about the size of 4 football fields and tall as fuk. All we do is move, store and ship products. Well it was the end of a work week, down to the lasthour, and I see someone run past me yelling for help. I walk out into an isle and a pallet of folded up cardboard weighing around 300 lbs fell from 30 - 50 feet in the air and landed on someone's head. As I walked up my life, my whole perception slowed down. The little unconscious woman with her head in a puddle of blood was mine. I lost it. I was scared. Felt like I was completely alone in a blink of an eye. She did come to, asking where her mom went... Her mom died almost a year prior. LUCKILY she ended up with staples in the head and a broken back. The doctor said a birth deformation saved her neck otherwise it would have broke. Since that I've been trying to be more of a human and do life right. Trying to give God a break.

February 25, 2016
10:52 pm
Old Mr Dangerous
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Jesus, Split. Crazy stuff. Hope you're doing well after that kinda shit.

 

Okay, so my first ICP shot (and Twiztid, too... they covered for KMK who didn't show for some reason), was October 1998. The show was a while story unto itself.

So another Juggalo was a grade ahead of me. He said he was going to be at the show, and I asked him if he had made it, like the next week or so later at school. I didn't mean any harm; I just was making conversation. No matter my intentions, thus guy got fumed up. He started acting up, even pushing our female friend (the same girl mentioned above, actually lol.. wow she infiltrated a lot of my stories).. it was recess and I was in ninth grade.

The big homie got steamed up. Eventually we were in each other's faces. My older brother appeared momentarily to silently try and push us apart, smiling the whole time. He left, and a small crowd formed.

IHe talked shit to this dude Bobby, and proceeded to put his finger in my face. 

"Brotha's gotta work it out, man" I said, trying to ignore the adrenaline and be the peaceful guy. 

At some point, big homie pushed me. So I reared back, and unleashed an assault of fist action on his dome. I blacked out due to adrenaline surge, but I recall him landing a single punch to my head, in the flurry of me wailing on him. My friends said I grabbed him long ass hair to bend his head down, and started kicking him in the face lol. We were broken up soon, and we both escorted to "the office". I kept asking if my nose was bleeding but it wasnt. Dude kept saying he was gonna get me, but he was esasperated and shamed by a smaller guy like I doiNg such public damage on him.

So guess what? I got five days suspension, where he only got two. In whiny voice: BUT HE STARTED IIIIIITTTT LOL... I didn't give a shit at all really.

My dad asked my brother "What was it, some littler kid he beat up?"

My brother replied "No, actually he is three times the size of him." I'll never forget him having my back. Not many people messed with me that knew of me after that one.

So dude stole my homies CD collection a few months later, and tried to get me to beat dude up again. We almost got into it in the mosh pit at a local metal show, and dude gave me a look like "cmon man, give it up already'" So I admit I felt a little silly. My vengeance-mind I frequently the only thing that embarrasses me. What do I really care? The homie I was fighting for eventually became someone I truly hate. And guess what happened with dude?

My best friend at the time, said to me that he had heard a reply from dude after what I had said one night. I was remarked to say "yeah I don't care, dude is still a Juggalo, so he is my people." This was before 'The Family Era'. But when f dude caught wind of my words, apparently he stood up and got mad hype, saying how that was the coolest shit he ever heard. It really touched him. 

Years later we are both respectful of each other, most of the time. He really is "three times bigger" than I. He could still likely beat my ass more often than not, but I am lucky to still be undefeated.  Just lucky, or crazy, or both. But there is Juggalo respect there. This is a real thing. Scrubs are united.

Mango Haze CBD strain with Golden O's Bubble Hash.

February 26, 2016
6:25 am
Split
Nebraska
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Old Mr. D, thank u for reading my stories. I don't post alot of fiction. I enjoy reading others stories aswell, like J said all juggalos been through bullshit. I'm pretty good at writing tales as well but I try to save all my imaginative shit for rymes. I Like the story's people been posting. Helps me kinda understand who people are.

March 2, 2016
9:23 am
Split
Nebraska
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Imma just let this thread lay to rest. 

March 6, 2016
10:35 am
Potato-tan
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February 23, 2016
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Nah bruh, it doesn't get to die that easy, I got a story, a brand spanking new one.

 

Alright ya'll, listen. My apartment sucks. It was literally the first place I got my hands on when I moved across state to transfer universities. There's a drawer missing in the kitchen; it's one of four, and one of only two full sized ones. AC blew out last labor day; that one was kind of my fault, my hairy ass bitch of a cat clogged it with her shedding. The new unit they put it was bigger than the old one and they had to bust the seal up around it to get it in. Still looks like shit; they swore they'd come back the next Monday to caulk and paint it, but that never fucking happened. On the outside, they have a board adhered to the bricks with insulating foam to try and stop the air leaking in, but that shit's peeled back and useless. It's whatever.

For a while the fan in my freezer was buzzing so loud I couldn't sleep, but after almost a month, it seemed to have sorted itself out. Shit works, so I don't complain. There's a leak under the bathroom sink and no one caught it in time, so the boards in the skin cabinet are all wet rotted. They "fixed" the leak a few weeks back, and said they'd be back to replace the floorboards, but they ain't been back yet. Oh, and the pipe still leaks.

Back right after Christmas, there was a blizzard down here in West Texas-land, and my AC (which is also my heater) up and died in the heart of it. No one came out for days; we didn't even have an emergency maintenance number at the time. I tried flipping the breakers, but it didn't seem to help; turns out the heater was on two paired breakers, and needed to be flipped together; except they just had two singles in there, which I flipped separately because I never have had to deal with this shit and didn't know any better. All the other paired breakers in the box are connected together like one, so what the fuck was I supposed to think? I ain't no electrician.

 

But, see, those ain't even the stories I want to tell you guys. Nah. The story, it happened last night.

 

Thursday night, I--and everyone else in my building--get a tag on my door saying there's a problem with the water, and it's going to be shut off Friday morning while they work on it. Okay, sure, whatever, I figure. I go to school the next day, then to my support group, then we all go have dinner in one of the dining halls (campus Student Counselling Center, what whaaaat) and then I head home. I stop by the store on the corner, buy a six pack of bitch beer (Raspberry Elderflower, bright pink), walk my ass home, take a few minutes to drag the four boxes of cat food and cat litter that UPS left, courtesy of Amazon, into my apartment, stash the bitch beer in the fridge, and go to have a shower.

There ain't no fucking hot water.

Fine, okay. It's well after 5 and I figure not having hot water doesn't count as an emergency, so I say fuck it, crack a bitch beer, and sit down to do some chem homework. I do about half of that, decide I'm fucking done with life, and go to bed.

The next day--Saturday--I call my apartment office first thing in the morning, because I want a fucking shower before I go to work at the wildlife center. They're supposed to be open at 9am, but I don't actually get a goddamn person until around 10:30. They say they'll send someone right over, but I know better, so I text my weekend manager and tell her I won't be in until 1pm, because it's an hour and a half bus ride there and I don't expect to be getting out of my apartment before 11:30. Of course, I'm a fucking volunteer, so it's not like she can tell me no, you know? I get dressed, and wait for maintenance.

They show up at 11:30, as I'm literally walking out the door.

I tell them whatever, do what you gotta do, I'm out.

So here's a tidbit you're going to need to know about my building, and that is that the hot water heaters aren't in the units. There's a door at one end of the building, on the side, and as far as I can piece together, it basically leads into a hallway that runs between the back of the apartments on this side of the building, and the back of the apartments on the other side of the building. All the hot water heaters are in this corridor. It's something like this:

 

| Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. |

Water Heater Corridor --------------------------------- [] Door

| Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. | Apt. |

 

I don't know, I ain't no artist. Anyway. Here's the real fucking story.

 

I get home last night, Saturday night. I catch up on Trevor Noah and try to figure out dinner; I don't have any tinfoil to make baked fish and I don't feel like fucking with dishes so I decide the plan for the evening is to have a shower, order some pizza, and do more chem homework. So I turn on the CD player--some WotH because my bro got me the special edition recently--check to make sure I have hot water--I do--grab a bitch beer to drink in the shower, and get naked.

Now, I'm a blind son of a bitch. I have a congenital defect that might or might not have originated from my mom being a boozer and a meth head, and my eyes are literally too small. I've had glasses since I was two, bifocals since I was 16, and at their thickest point my lenses are probably about an inch thick, no hyperbole. I take them off when I shower, because I'm 25 fucking years old and I know how to bathe without reading the goddamn instructions on the shampoo.

So, I've got a very specific ritual when I shower. I wash my hair, then I brush my teeth (yeah, in the shower), then I wash my face, and then my body. Well, I'm about a third of the way through brushing my teeth when, in the haze that is my blind-ass existence, I see what appear to be sparks coming out of the wall behind my shower. I'm like, wtf? Nah, there's no way my shower is fucking SPARKING.

It does it again. HOLY SHIT, IT'S REALLY SPARKING. I'm naked, standing under running water, and MY GODDAMN SHOWER IS THROWING ELECTRICITY AT ME. Aw hell naw. I'm out. Tooth brush still hanging out of my face, dripping mint foam down my chest, I veto this fucking shower, but see, I'm kind of a dumbass, and what do I do? I reach out, and I go to turn off the water. While standing in the wet-ass shower. Where there's the electricity. I touch the metal fixture and bzzt! I can feel that shit buzzing up my arm. It was so fucking surreal. I didn't get thrown back or anything, it wasn't that severe, but shit man, it was scary.

So the water's off. I'm out of the tub. My arm feels like I've been lifting weights all damn day. There's a toothbrush in my face hole. The wall throws a few more sparks and then there's a thud, and the pipes all start hissing. My cats, being fucking little geniuses, decide they want to investigate the weird ass fucking noise. I start grabbing cats, flinging them across the room in panic. I'm certain one of these little fuckers is going to get themselves shocked. Apparently, being thrown across a bathroom by a terrified, naked human is not enough to deter their curiosity, because no quicker do I get one off of the tub lip, another one is there in its wake. It's like they want to die. I start kicking cats towards the door. There's cat litter stuck to my wet ass feet because we all shit in the same room. They're hellbent on being in the death shower. Wham! Wham! OUT, EVERYONE OUT. I shut the door to the bathroom, lights still on. I ain't even got a towel. I'm standing butt-ass naked in my bedroom, and I don't have no blinds. (Remember how I said this place was a shit hole?) Shit, shit, shit. I call emergency maintenance.

Emergency maintenance is just an answering machine. I leave an incoherent message about my shower sparking, toothpaste dribbling down my chin. Supposedly, they'll call me back, but I ain't feeling reassured.

I duck back into the bathroom, grab a towel, spit out some of my toothpaste. Wrap myself up, go to the kitchen, spit out the rest of my toothpaste. I'm afraid to run the water so I scrape the toothpaste residue out of my mouth with a paper towel. I throw on my pajamas because they're there, easy to get on.

A couple years ago, I lived in an apartment building that burned down due to a kitchen fire in someone else's unit. I'm pretty freaked out about the possibility of house fires, now. Fearing some kind of electrical fire, I start packing some shit. I put all my school shit in my school bag, because "my apartment burned down" probably won't be enough to get me out of the midterms next week. I shove my mom's urn, a book of irreplaceable photographs, and the only keepsake I inherited from her into another backpack. I dump them by the front door. I grab my ukulele bag, because it's already there, all packed up, and if I'm homeless, I'm going to need SOMETHING to pass the time. By the door. I grab the clothes I wore that day, because my wallet is still chained to the pants. By the door. My work boots, because they're my best pair of shoes. By the door. A cat carrier. I have three, but two of them are in the back of my super junked closet, and I can't get to them. If worst comes to worst, all three of the furry little assholes are just going to have to share one carrier. By the door.

Then I sit and wait. Nothing much happens. Maintenance doesn't call. Shit doesn't start burning down. I wonder if I should tell my neighbors. I brave the electrified bathroom to fetch my bitch beer, because fuck it. Make a Facebook post about the ordeal. After a half hour, I try to call maintenance again, and as I'm leaving a second message, an 'unavailable' number beeps in. I answer.

 

Hallelujah, it's fucking maintenance. They'll be here shortly. So I wait.

 

Old dude shows up, same guy that fixed my water heater this morning. I explain, a bit more coherently, that I was in the goddamn shower when it started sparking. Tell him I got shocked, he's mortified. He checks the breaker box, the hot water heater has tripped. He double checks that it's off, and goes to brave the hallway of heaters.

I pace the house, drink bitch beer, talk to my bro. I hear the old dude talking in the walls; he's on the phone with his boss. I go sit in the bathroom, and eavesdrop.

Far as I can gather, my neighbor's hot water heater rusted out and burst. All that water got something wet that didn't need to be wet, and bzzt! I get zip zapped in the goddamn shower. My water heater, somehow, someway, is a casualty in this whole affair, and now its fucked, too.

Dude comes back, basically asks if I have somewhere I can shower until they fix this. He's waiting on his boss, but they don't figure they'll be able to get anything done on a goddamn Sunday. I'm 400% done with this shit so I tell him that I can shower at a coworker's, if I have to. He says I should call the office and get some goddamn blinds. Whatever man. He leaves to go tell my neighbor that hey, there ain't no hot water. I order a pizza, because I sure as shit ain't cooking now, and settle in to watch Gordon Ramsey yell at hotel owners who suck at life. I like my pizza with light cheese and extra sauce; apparently this translated out to "all the sauce in the world, and one sliver of mozzarella." I got pictures man, that shit was a wreck, but I ate it anyway, because fuck that, it was $14. Chug another bitch beer, and crash and burn before 10:30pm.

Never did finish that chem homework.

Whoop Whoop, Potato-tan :

Neverthrive
March 6, 2016
11:05 am
Neverthrive
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Sounds like you're lucky to be alive to me. And your cats too. I ain't sure, but I feel like you could take some kind of legal action against the land owners.

daisies2-4.jpg

March 6, 2016
11:09 am
Potato-tan
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February 23, 2016
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I guess my old girl, Charlotte, got out while maintenance was coming and going, because I found her this morning on the AC unit outside, meowing to be let in.

 

Shit, I just want out of this lease.

Whoop Whoop, Potato-tan :

Neverthrive
March 6, 2016
4:11 pm
Neverthrive
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Hopefully you will, buddy. Your chances are looking good. 

daisies2-4.jpg

March 6, 2016
10:35 pm
Split
Nebraska
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Daamn! That cat litter on your wet ass feet line had me dyin. But seriously, I been snatched up by electricity a few timez that shit is scary. Sounds like Ya you lucky homie

March 7, 2016
9:42 am
Potato-tan
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February 23, 2016
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So I'm trying to get into an old back house in the 'college slums' by campus, but I need someone to take over my lease at this place first, right? I pay my rent up several months at the start of each semester with my financial aid, and right now I've got a $920 credit left--that's about two months of rent, short by maybe $50. I want out, so I'm taking a real mulligan on this--the security and pet deposits are paid, as well as two months rent. Whoever takes it over gets all that, I'm not asking to recoup anything. It's about $1500--not an insignificant amount for a broke fucking college student who lives off less than $700 a month, yeah?

 

A girl comes by Wednesday to look at the place. Says she's interested, but needs to talk to her parents about it. Whatever, says she'll text me. Friday rolls around and I have not heard anything, so I text her, 'cause if she don't want it, I need to put something up in the college newspaper's classified ads. She texts back, saying she's definitely interested, but...

 

I have cats, and she babysits kids with dander allergies. She asks if I can have the carpet deep cleaned before she moves in. I'm like, bitch, what? I'm losing $1500 to you, you can pay to clean your own fucking carpet. I don't say that, of course; at least, not in so many words. I'm professional, tell her it outside of my means, and that she'd have to do it herself. Tell her I need to know before Monday, so I can post in the newspaper if I have to. Says she'll let me know. Finally does, Sunday night--says she'll take it. Gonna come in next Saturday to put in her application. Sure as fuck hope she qualifies, because I got shit to do if she doesn't.

 

I feel a little bad pawning this shithole off on her. I'm not gonna be telling her about this whole hot water heater affair, though.

Whoop Whoop, Potato-tan :

Neverthrive
March 7, 2016
9:54 am
Split
Nebraska
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I'd feel a lil bit bad too. Did they "fix" that shit?

March 7, 2016
3:47 pm
Potato-tan
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February 23, 2016
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They're installing a new water heater as we speak. If I'm lucky, I'll finally get a goddamn shower.

March 7, 2016
4:09 pm
GanjaGoblin
215, PA
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There was a time my friends and I would frequently hang out at this old abandoned mental asylum. About a dozen or so buildings, most unsafe to go inside. The ones that were 'accessible' were all tagged up, all dark, creepy and shit. Being there hundreds of times we knew our way to the morgue, the church, underground catacombs, climbing up the side of the building like Batman, the cement couch on a rooftop, this one creepy room with furniture covered in sheets and candles lighting up the room. I'm sure homeless people lived here and security/police would drive around often. We'd party there, adventure all around spray painting the walls and hanging out. Fun times. Not much of a story but we miss that place. They turned it into a huge senior center now and 2 of the buildings are rehabs now. 

March 7, 2016
4:27 pm
Split
Nebraska
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Sounds dope. Reminds me of a couple places I would hang out at as a young hooligan. There was a creek that ran across the whole town. 12 ft deep concrete walls.covered in tags. And the old abandoned train bridge. Hundreds of ft tall above the Missouri river. We used to tag it up and jump off it into the river.

March 7, 2016
4:58 pm
GanjaGoblin
215, PA
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Theres several spots where I live that has some abandoned shit off in the woods. Couple years ago, they'd be the spot for our bonfires and parties and whatnot in replace of the asylum. 

May 22, 2016
11:22 pm
Split
Nebraska
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December 27, 2015
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Bout 10 yrs ago or so I was all twisted up on drugs walkin down ave. B in cb ia at 3 in the morning when this woman stopped me." Oh my God it's you, it's really you!" ... "Hello?" I said. She a was tall light skin sista with a bandana on her head, kinda pretty but DEFINITELY fukked up on something. She proceeded to tell me I was Jesus Christ and in a vision she seen me and her get married and live together forever in a castle made of newspapers in the sky?lol .... My first thought???

" I'm about to get my dick sucked" lol

So I was like" why don't we sit down under this bridge and talk." MAN! This lady started CONFESSING crazy ass shit! About throwing her baby into the fire mostly... I'm thinkin what the fukk? 

So I just tell her all is forgivin and tryn start focusing on her blowin me. She doesn't buy into it and stops and says, with a crazy pissed off look " are you really him?" Jesus?  I pretty much made my mystical exit at this time by telling her everything is ok and to get home. 

Whoop Whoop, Split :

DrFreshness
November 26, 2016
12:19 pm
Split
Nebraska
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Once upon a time I created a story time thread... Caca mufaka!

November 26, 2016
2:17 pm
Split
Nebraska
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Long long ago I bumped the fuck out a thread.bumpbumpbump

Till it blew all the hair off an old bitch titties!

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