Man that really sucks that you had to go through that. My dad died of a brain tumor before I was born but I cannot fathom walking in and finding my mom like that.

My best friend went through the same thing you did man. He walked into his dads crib and he had been dead for over a day, just bloated and purple. He had family photos and a scrapbook scattered around him.

Some things you never get over, you just learn to live with........

"Always" by Zug Izland altho itz a song ov a relationship ov a male & female my interptation iz ov me & my son how when i had him at a tyme that i truly gave no fuks it changed my life 4 tha better & i will ALWAYZ be there 4 him I LUV U JOSEPH JEROME PAQUIN

Zug Izland made a few songs that brought some water to the glazzies. Always, Fly, U,and maybe more but i really do like Always reminds me of my bro I love that ninjA. My brother is a freaking Super Ninja he's my JumpSteady. I would have to agree with who ever said hiphop doesnt really bring thm heavy emotions to the table but occasionally they do one that really got me was DR. Dre's I Need A Doctor reminded me a homeboy i have that really inspired me to rap and get good at it but then he kinda fell off and i have spent years trying to get that fool back where he was but it just hasnt happened.  

Yeah, gotta add LDLHA-IBCSYWA to my list now. I probably heard it 20 times before I really stopped and listened to it. Monoxide's second verse makes me misty now.

-Jules

Out of the sake of promoting myself, I'll come out and admit this. Right after I wrote this song I cried. The last verse is what got to me. The last verse is about this dream I had when I was 16. I was standing on this cliff while holding hands with this very beautiful girl and I was just staring into her very pretty eyes. There were a bunch of other teens with us standing at the edge of the cliff. When I looked off towards the edge I saw broken down buildings like some kind of post apocalyptic city scattered all across the valley. There was a very wonderful sunset which turned the whole sky orange. Me and this girl kissed then jumped off the cliff while we were still holding hands and the rest of the people followed behind us. She let go of my hand and drifted away which made me feel lost and alone with out her. When I landed on the ground I felt nothing except for a panic because I couldn't find this girl. I stood up and dusted building debris off of my shirt then looked up and saw into that girls very pretty eyes. At that moment my chest started to swell and I felt like my problems have left and that everything would be alright. Like I was reborn into something much better than life. It's like that feeling you get when on ecstasy, I can't describe it. But soon as I got that feeling I woke up. I don't know why but when I wrote that final verse about this dream it got me very emotional and I left to walk in the rain while listening to the instrumental and I cried. To this day I still try and decipher the meaning behind this dream.

Forgive the bad mix. It was  years ago when I was jut a novice at mixing/mastering and I didn't have the beat nor the vocals to re do the mixing. Plus it was recorded on a mic with no cover, so all I could do was remaster it. This remastered version still sounds way better than the original though. Not too bad but not as good as I want it to be.

Lucem Ferre said:

Out of the sake of promoting myself, I'll come out and admit this. Right after I wrote this song I cried. The last verse is what got to me. The last verse is about this dream I had when I was 16. I was standing on this cliff while holding hands with this very beautiful girl and I was just staring into her very pretty eyes. There were a bunch of other teens with us standing at the edge of the cliff. When I looked off towards the edge I saw broken down buildings like some kind of post apocalyptic city scattered all across the valley. There was a very wonderful sunset which turned the whole sky orange. Me and this girl kissed then jumped off the cliff while we were still holding hands and the rest of the people followed behind us. She let go of my hand and drifted away which made me feel lost and alone with out her. When I landed on the ground I felt nothing except for a panic because I couldn't find this girl. I stood up and dusted building debris off of my shirt then looked up and saw into that girls very pretty eyes. At that moment my chest started to swell and I felt like my problems have left and that everything would be alright. Like I was reborn into something much better than life. It's like that feeling you get when on ecstasy, I can't describe it. But soon as I got that feeling I woke up. I don't know why but when I wrote that final verse about this dream it got me very emotional and I left to walk in the rain while listening to the instrumental and I cried. To this day I still try and decipher the meaning behind this dream.

 

Well i'm definitely not freudian and believe every dream is significant but...... It could be  that this women represented the love and empathy in your life. You have said yourself that you are driven by hate( if I need to find the thread I will) and maybe this dream is representative of the life you chose to leave behind. And all you see now are desolation in this destroyed city, but it pales in comparison to this unknown woman that you love. Or maybe im as crazy as a shit house rat....

 

 

Forgive the bad mix. It was  years ago when I was jut a novice at mixing/mastering and I didn't have the beat nor the vocals to re do the mixing. Plus it was recorded on a mic with no cover, so all I could do was remaster it. This remastered version still sounds way better than the original though. Not too bad but not as good as I want it to be.