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"Fat Sweaty Betty" Analysis
December 10, 2012
11:14 pm
MrLostman17
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Why dont you go into the next room and start getting undressed?
What's your pleasure?
(The song begins with what appears to be a sexy ass fucking broad. I get a raging hard on as soon as I hear the intro. You can hear some funky ass bass plucking and know you're in for a treat. To make this analysis as serious as possible I re-enacted the song with some fat sweaty bitch I met through my sister.)
[1st Verse- Violent J]
Fat Sweaty Betty, the bitch ain't nothing new
Her moms used to babysit me back when we was two

(At this verse we find an intriguing statement. Apparently Fat Sweaty Betty was the daughter of Violent J's baby sitter in this song. I can speculate that this event didn't really take place.. The song could also be intended strictly for fantasy or even for the listener to relate to. I made sure that my sisters friend was a bitch that I had met in early childhood. The mother only watched me once, but I feel I can relate to this song.)
We'd go to the playground and to the skating rink
And we'd go under the bleachers and she'd let me hit the stank, well uh

(So apparently these two young children and the babysitter used to go to playgrounds and skating rinks. One can speculate by this observation that this song may have took place in the Winter. Though its still Fall technically, Winter is around the corner, so I believe I still re-enacted the song properly at this point.

The next sentence explains that the protagonist used to fuck his female friend at a very young age under the bleachers. Now, the stank may be refering to her neden or her asshole. It's also possible I took "stank" out of context and he was really just assaulting something stinky. Unfortunetly, I did not fuck this chick when she was only 2 years of age, compromising the legitimacy of my re-enactment. The "well uh" in this verse may imply that either Violent J had to think of the next verse, or it was meant to show a sense of reminiscing. Perhaps it was neither, and its just a transition phrase because time elapses in the next verse. 
She moved across town and never came back

(Fat Sweaty Betty moved, so the protogonist could no longer fuck her.)
Until the other day, I seen her at the Chicken Shack

(Now the song returns to present tense, where it took a turn to past tense to explain childhood events. This was a well crafted song because it explored different time periods but stuck to a familiar topic; fucking Betty. I made sure to meet up with my Betty at Pop Eyes Chicken. Close enough?)
She said her name was Betty, I can't believe this shit

(The protagonist approaches a female at the Chicken Shack and asks her name, it was Betty. The girl was then remembered and the protagonist was suprised)
The sexy little girl is now a fat sweaty beeitch

(It is obvious that the protagonist finds female homosapiens of the Earthly age of 2 attractive sexually. That young girl who may have been petitie in body type, is now morbidly obese.)
She said, "Hey, J, tell me how you've been?"

(At this point we realize the protagonist's name starts with a "J" or it is just "J". We can also assume this is "Violent J")
She had a piece of chicken gizzard stuck to her chin

Chicken gizzard definition: a compartment in the chicken's digestive system that grinds up food. It is lined with keratin and uses small stones (grit) to break the food down to smaller pieces. Many other birds have this same organ.

So apparently she had this chicken organ on her chin. At this point I gave up on trying to follow the formula with my experiment in real life. I still fucked her though)
I told her, "Hold still," and flicked it off her face and said,
"Betty, oh, Betty, what you say we leave this place?"

("J" is excited, removed the gizzard from Betty's face and asked her to leave with him"

I took her back to the crib and hit it all night

(Betty and J return to a typical baby's bed and hit said bed until the morning. That is a literal interpretation, but it could also mean that they enaged in sexual relations in "J''s bed.)
I let my fingers run across the rip of cellulite

(Self explanatory, but from personal experience cellulite feels more like a bump, than a rip. It's like a red/brown line that potrudes out from obese humans)
EWW! It was nasty, but I don't let it bother me

(J seems to find it deplorable, but ignored his brain's signal to avoid the engagement)
She rolled over, fucking knocked the wind out of me

(Betty rolled over in the bed. At this point we can assume it was not a baby's bed because she simply couldn't fit, nevermind roll. The wind was knocked out of J, meaning he could have farted or his lungs had pressure and he exhaled immedietly.)
I couldn't breathe, she wouldn't stop, I'm almost dead

(Here we see an attempt at homicide by Betty, homicide is often seen in ICP songs, but in this case it was NOT the protagonist of the story)
I took the lamp, and bust it on her fucking head

(In defense to this attack, J takes a nearby lamp and assaults Betty. The lamp breaks on her cranium. The lamp may help paint the picture of the room. It could have been lighted or turned off)
We got dressed, I gave her a little kiss goodbye

(This lyric implies that they forgave eachother for the physical assault.. or they have kinky relations. J kisses Betty and they part ways)
Fat Sweaty Betty, My fat sweaty pumpkin pie
(The verse ends with J confessing his feeling for Betty. He either has been viewing this woman as a "pumpkin pie" or he's using that term as a play on words for something he likes, such as Betty. If he really thought Betty was a pie, that changes the perspective of the song entirely. He may have been on mind altering drugs or has a mental delusion)
[Chorus]
Fat Sweaty Betty
Tell me when you're ready [x2]

(The chorus talks of Betty being ready. Either to part ways, have sex, or maybe even.. get married?. All speculation)

[2nd Verse- Shaggy 2 Dope]

Big fat slop of shit people call Betty
Flabs of fat on her back, her neck...sweaty

(The songs verbalist changes to Shaggy 2 Dope. He describes in detail the fat on her back and neck. Also, she is sweating)
Boogers running down her nose all over her lips
Can't tell the difference from her titties to her hips

(A continuation of detail in Betty's external appearence. In this case she is not a pie, but obviously she is deformed)
But fuck all that, 'cuz I wanna see the neden
I had to see the cat, the cheesey cheena cheden

(This verse was a challenge for me. The protagonist wants to see Betty's vagina. Afterwards, it seems that he also had to see "the cat".. could it be the protagonist has cat in his home? Or did Betty bring one? Regardless, the feline was involved with cheese.. the results of this analysis were inconclusive)
Rode my bike to her house, "Hey yo, Betty lemme in

(At this point we see that "J" rides a bike to her house instead of going to his.. OR perhaps this is a different person?)
I'm packing some snack cakes, bitch lemme in."
I can hear her coming down the stairs

(The protagonist has brought snack cakes to seduce Betty or bribe her into opening her door, she can be heard coming down the stairs. She must reside on the second floor)
She opened up the door in her motherfucking underwears
UUGGHH!! Shit, fuck that I'm turning back

(Betty opens the door in nothing but her underwear, the sight of her makes the protagonist 'sick' and he appears to try and leave)
But no, the door shut, and shes going for the cake snacks
I said, "Relax, hoe, I'm here, I'm bu-si-ness

(Here we see that Betty did not let the person escape, she eats the snack cakes. We also learn the protgagonist is a businessman)
you can have the candy, first you gotta wait a bit
I need a favor, come on, Betty, drop them drawls."

(The protagonist tries to convince Betty to wait before she eats the gifts of candy, he wants to complete the business arrangement. He then asks if she can "drop them drawls" meaning remove her underwear)
AHH!! I knew it, Betty had balls

(We then learn, that Betty, is a man. At this point in the story things have definetly taken a twist. J, all those years ago.. was fucking a little boy named Betty. That, or Betty had gotten a sex change, just for testicles? Luckily, my date did not end up having testicles in real life. We could also speculate that Betty just had balls of some variation, like a baseball, football, or crystal ball)
Oh, no, here comes that ass
From the top of the dresser with the yokazuna splash

(Betty then jumps off of a dresser doing a "yokazuna splash". A wrestling move by a wrestler named Yokazuna. The protagnist appears reluctant for this to occur)
I wish I never came, oh boy do I wish
See Fat Sweaty Betty, the sweaty fat bitch

(The businessman then regrets visiting Betty. That, or regrets cumming while engaged sexually with Betty. Betty may also be a dog, as she is addressed "bitch" multiple times throughout this song)

[Chorus]

[Violent J]
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
I know you like spaghetti
I know you like spaghetti
So tell me when you're ready, baby
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
Tell me when you're ready
Tell me when you're ready for a cheeseburger, pizza pie, TV dinner, chicken 
baby

(Eventually we learn that J wanted Betty to be ready to eat foods like spaghetti, cheeseburgers, pizza pie (not pumpkin), TV dinners, and chicken babies. This made me very hungry and my date agreed to eat all these foods with me)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
I gets it all, I gets it all for ya, baby
I work at Farmer Jack on the dinner floor, baby

(Here we learn that J and the other protagonist are, in fact different characters. One is a businessman and J works at Farmer Jack, apparently a place that serves dinner. J uses his money earned at Farmer Jack's to feed Betty)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
I bring it home, I cook it in a microwave
I feeds it to ya, just let me get some stanky skins

(J also prepares food that he may have gotten at Farmer Jack's. After he feeds it to Betty, he expects to received stinky skin. This might mean sex.. but it could also mean any skin in general)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
'Cuz I don't care, I wanna hit the cellulite
I hit the cellulite for a turkey meal delight

(J would also attack her cellulite in exchange for a turkey meal delight)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
'Cuz I don't care, you know I'm not afraid to cook
Take off your shoes and let me lick your dirty foot

(J enjoys cooking and has a foot fetish)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
I'll rub you down, I'll rub you down the right way
I hear a buzzer, apple pie's in the microwave

(Seduction with a massage and apple pie. What a smooth guy)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
I work at Farmer Jack, I work at A & P
And yes I do, my heavy baby wanna be with me

(We then learn that J has a second job, at what appears to be a grocery store)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
Ya wanna be with me, ya wanna be with me
Ya want some chilli cheese fries in a hoagie.

(J takes this relationship seriously, and wants to keep Betty and him together. He mentions more and more foods to bribe her to stay with him)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
You gotta wait, wait 'till the time is right
Let me count the purple bubbles in your cellulite

(J seems to enjoy math because he wants to count, but only when the time is right.)
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
You want some Burger King, you want some Hungry Jack
You want some jelly beans, you want a scooby snack

(we see more and more examples of foot.. but then ANOTHER TWIST.. the "scooby snack" gives it away.. Betty.. is a dog. A bitch."
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
You want some Dominoes, you want a Milky Way
You gotta kick it to the sugar daddy Violent J
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
You want some Lucky Charms, you want some mashed potatoes
Let me hit the skins now and I'll feed you later
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
Because I know, I know you want a Lunchable
Something crunchable, something munchable
(Fat Sweaty Betty)
How 'bout some Taco Bell, how 'bout a pizza slice
How bout some chicken fingers and a bowl of Minute Rice
(Fat Sweaty Betty)

(J mentions endless amounts of food, and tries to keep his bitch happy.)

 

Well, there it is everyone. The "Fat Sweaty Betty" analysis.

 

I really enjoyed this story, it was dynamic and had twists. The beat was funky and it was an overall fun song. The girl I had re-enacted this song with ended up dying from cardiac arrest. I did not attempt to fuck any animals or children to make my real life experience of this song perfect. 

 

MCL Juggalos and Lettes.

December 10, 2012
11:29 pm
King Lucem Ferre
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Hilarious.

December 10, 2012
11:49 pm
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This is awesome

December 10, 2012
11:56 pm
scruffy
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okay, actually i was joking.  i gotta remember that the rest of you cant hear the snare drums at the end... 

  awfully paranoid, arent you?   

December 11, 2012
12:04 am
scruffy
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have now finished reading it.  this review is much better, really fuckin funny. 

from now on, you write all my jokes. 

  awfully paranoid, arent you?   

December 11, 2012
12:09 am
The Warlock
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i thought it said rippled cellulite??

flh-banna-copyDD_zpsKKl9s7vkap.jpg

December 11, 2012
12:12 am
The Warlock
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lol you dont know what knocked the wind out of me means??

i dont know what its called but theres a place in the center of your chest where if your punched or struck with an object you'll get folded & start gasping for air.. it like literally knocks the wind out of you.. i got hit with a baseball in that spot when i was in the 3rd grade..

i.e. @ :14

flh-banna-copyDD_zpsKKl9s7vkap.jpg

December 11, 2012
12:28 am
MrLostman17
MrLostman17
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The Warlock said:

lol you dont know what knocked the wind out of me means?

 

Haha I know what it means I was just being funny.

I see you enjoy GTA, are you sick of all those Vice City videos spamming your subscriptions? I know I am.

December 11, 2012
12:30 am
MrLostman17
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Thanks everyone. I'll try to shorten these and make them more entertaining if possible.

 

That is if I do anymore analysis'

December 11, 2012
12:34 am
The Warlock
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haha yeah i dint notice at 1st how you were just trollin haha i love how you were all serious with miracles (barely skimmed through it) then was all fuckin around with this one haha

but nah i dont mind all the vice city shit.. id rather that all get uploaded right away rather than in the middle of some new shit i could possibly miss out on..

flh-banna-copyDD_zpsKKl9s7vkap.jpg

December 11, 2012
12:21 pm
wow a chick
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I love this! xoxo

December 11, 2012
3:13 pm
GanjaGoblin
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Good job. A video would be much better for this though.

December 11, 2012
3:59 pm
Cabal
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Keep em' coming! Once a month or even every two weeks if the demand is there, thanks!

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