UPDATE #1: COPY AND PASTED HERE

WELL FUCK ME….. I typed this all out and was just making minor edits and additions when work got busy, then I left to get some lunch, and suddenly when I get back somebody turned off my computer… I keep the sleep/hibernate and all that turned off so it was definitely somebody being a dick…. ANYWHORE!!!! I guess I will type it out again….. wasted an hour….

UPDATE: Here we are a week and a half later…. The company I work for (CTI Foods) filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy on the 11^th of this month, this week has been our monthly shut down for cleaning and sanitation/heavy repairs, AND Taco Bell is doing an audit next week so we get to do SHIT TONS of work this week to try and keep Taco Bell from giving our bean production to another company…. (adding dates in these since this is late as fuck LOL) Wish me luck….

PRE-STORY! (#2?)

So the wife and I were meeting up with Nyro to get tickets to this show the week before (3-2-19), and he had us meet at the venue since he had to swing by there anyway for label stuff. So after we chill and get tickets Nyro asked if we wanted to go eat, Drew (Nyro) had to run and sell a few more ticket nuggs to close by peeps so wifey and I chilled in the car watching the hockey game on my phone. Suddenly, after sitting there for about 10 minutes, some random dude is knocking on my window….. I roll it down and all I hear is “Can you sell me some cocaine?”…. so I roll the window back up shaking my head no….. a few seconds pass and I can feel this phuckers presence next to me, so I look…. and sure enough he is staring at my phone watching hockey… He notices I’m looking at him and proceeds to tell me “Daaammmnnn bro! You’re missing the game!!” While pointing through my car window at my phone….. Drew and Kryptik were going over paperwork when Drew got back and I told them about it…. seemed like they kinda believed me, but not 100%…. then the guy comes into the bar and walks up to the table saying “Sorry if I creeped you out with the whole hockey thing… I just really like hockey…. and coke…. HOCKEY AND COKE!” AND WALKS OFF!….. the phuuuuuuuckkkk…… so now we fast forward a week to the show LMAO

THE TOUR OF THE 11 LETTERS 

Here is my lengthy review of The Axe is Family Tour, featuring M.M.M.F.D.-A.M.B.-A.X.E, on the Fort Worth, Tx. Stop on 3-9-19, at a nice little dive called Tomcats West. (my favorite dive bar posing as a venue LOL) (Trying to be thourough, not trying to beat out any random spooky or fungi filled peeps)

So, my wife and I had some grub, nothing super dope… just ordered some pizza, and made sure the boy child was good before heading to the venue. Our son is 16 and won’t go to shows unless its a main attraction (Tech/ICP/Twiztid/etc.), so he sat this one out.

Doors at 6pm? Lets show up around 4 lol. We decided to park out back, as the back door/rear parking area is usually the smoking area at Tomcats, and see who all is there. Saw Nyro the Madman first, standing by the back door, so we said what up to him. Drew is always good peoples. Halfway through our conversation Scum walked up and interrupted us with business matters so him and Drew went inside…. As we look around we only have A.M.B., A.X.E., and Insane Poetry standing around us, so we thank them for coming out to rock with us (my go to for meeting touring acts, thank them for making the trip to see us.) which of course gets a “no no, thank you!” which leads to my generic “WE been here waiting on YOU, thank YOU for coming out.”. Then we grab a cig, and a hit off the pipe, and mosey to the front of the building. Didn’t want anyone to get nervous with random fans walking around the vans/u-haul trailer.

Up front we met a dude named Chris, if I’m not mistaken, who has only been to a few “Juggalo Shows” but found out about the scene from seeing Twiztid on the Vans Warped Tour. “My favorite thing about this culture or whatever you call it so far, has been the undying acceptance of just about anyone.” I loved him saying that so I quoted him here, and if he happens to be reading this, what up fam!?

Familiar faces started showing up, our homies from the way back Evul Ded, and Scottie D showed up and immediately here comes Nyro the Madman from out the venue like his Scottie sense was tingling. There were offers of a free beer to anyone that grabbed the ass of one man in particular, not sure who he was…. Chxxmpa was first taker on that….. I don’t drink but was tempted, he had a nice beard…. Got a call from my homie Dimentional saying he isn’t going to make it after all…. his story isn’t mine to tell, so I will just say he had a SUPER SHITTY 24 hours leading up to the show… super stale news as he was the 1st artist of the local openers to go up, BUT it’s not a trend for him to miss shows, this being the 3rd ever I know of him not making. But the show must go on…

After an hour or so of chilling we finally got some action from inside the venue in the form of a road guy putting poster/flyers outside the door. Somebody grabbed one so quick that I literally didn’t even see who it was, then my wife says “only one left”… Evul and I lock eyes…. I move to run up the stairs and on the way got my ass and nipple assaulted at the same time by the one and only Evul Ded, but guess who wasn’t too fat to run up the stairs and get that bitch! Fuck off Evul! MINE! (he got one off the wall inside so its all good XD). On my way to put that bad ass AXE poster in the car, I got a message on FB from my other juggalo homie of about 20 years, Chris (not the warped tour kid lol), that lives about an hour and a half from venue asking if I’m going to the show, I reply with “walking from the door to the lot now” as I look up and see him getting out of his ride with his cousin in tow. SWEET! After some catching up I head to car and they head to the door where my wifey is holding down the front of the line. Once I catch back up it’s about doors time, so we go in and decide to check out who is running the locals merch booth, and its the other half (the nicer/prettier/all around better half) of Nyro, so we talked for a bit then decide its already smoke time. Thats when we realized the smoking area/back door is labeled “ARTISTS ONLY”… SHIT… so after attempting to bribe the door man with my wiley beard (unsuccessfully) we go out the front door, around the back of the building via a rickety woodland trail, and walk past the door we cant go through and arrive at the car…. 2 inch door…. I can be on either side of it, just cant use it…. dafuq….  So Wifey, our Homie Chris, his cousin, and myself get to the car, smoke a bowl, smoke some cigs, then Insane Poetry walks up and starts rolling a blunt. Chris’ cousin is cool with IP so he chilled while we went back in. At this point the show has already started so I will give set by set reviews of the nights acts to get to the review proper, with random crowd happenings from here on out.

Dimentional – Again my homie Cameron had to miss the show, so one less local homie opener. =( 

Young Prodigy – Walked back into the venue towards the end of this dudes set…. Never heard of dude, and not really that interesting to me, beats were decent just not my shit. (I will hardly ever say any artist is bad, I’d rather say its just not my shit. I’ll go smoke instead of talking shit on an artist lol.)

Creep – Again, not my shit, and never heard of him before…. I have a LONG list of local artists that I would have rather seen than most of the local openers… but not my show lol. Halfway through this set we went out for cig and smoke again LOL Beats sounded decent from outside.

Shade – Never heard of, not bad I guess. Heard decent beats from outside. Came back in the last song of this set…. not that impressed with the night so far…. but its all going to turn around at some point right? PLEASE?!

FTW Music – The legendary FTW! If you’ve never heard of these guys, look em up! Hailing from Fort Worth, Tx and doing the damn thing on stage for over 20 years (with a retiring hiatus in there somewhere). Just as good as ever if you like party rap about panties and booze…. and if you like booze they bring their own beer bong onstage with them, just get a bottle from the bar and come on up to down that bitch for free! (they do sanitize the funnel/tube after each beer btw, no cooties for fam here)

Lost Ninjas – Another group that’s been in the local scene for YEARS. Not one of my favorite locals, but good to see old schoolers still showing up and rocking it. I still remember not liking them when it was like 20 people on stage waaaay back in the day… still not fond now that its down to 3 but I have personal reasons for not liking them, nothing to do with their music. (TL;DR: not my shit)

Funny Farm Records Showcase – Nyro The Madman has put together a VERY impressive small empire in North Texas, and isn’t afraid to put his ego aside and have the entire label do a set instead of getting a solo set! Not out of the norm for him at all, he is just that kind of dude…. which is why when he called me to jump start his car that one night, I was there no questions asked…. You are welcome Drew LOL.

On this showcase we saw the likes of Nyro The Madman, Suave Schwag, Tim Torment, and the newest signing to FFR, Kryptik! They all killed the stage like it was a party box of tacos in Ethiopia! I was a bit dissappointed that we didn’t have children with unicorn masks, or giant hot dogs this time…. but it was still a damn good set from everyone! Only gripe here is no Creature Clique, my favorite group on the label… kinda biased since my homie since 1999 Evul Dead is ½ of the Clique lol.

At this point in the night we decided it was time for the last trip to the car, so you know we had to hit up the merch right quick. Tried to pick up the Kryptik CD but soon realized we never stopped at an ATM before the show to get merch moneys. Was about to find Kryptik and talk payment options when the local homie Too Tall came outta nowhere with a $5 bill! If you are reading this, much appreciated big homie. Never talked to this ninja but see him at all the shows and you bet he is instant family after just the next 5 minutes of yelling over music at eachother lol. Hit up the MNE/LSP Merch booth and copped that sweet tour shirt. That’s a must for every show I go to btw… Picked up our first AMB shirt (the black silky one with the red AMB axes logo all over it), our first AXE shirt (Forever face with orange spider web behind it), a couple of AXE CD’s (almighty and the necronomicon one), and an AXE lanyard to even it out to $100. Didn’t intend to spend that much at the show…. but hey…. that’s what income tax is for right? XD

Tour Package

JP Tha Hustler – Caught most of his first song, but from merch booth, and never a bad day to have JP on stage. Sadly we were too hyped for the rest of the night and ran merch to the car and smoked another bowl/cig.

Claas – As we came out front from the wooded trail returning from the car, we saw SicNoizeDNice yelling “WE GOIN ON! WE GOIN ON!” so we knew the night was about to get super fucking real. The one and only Claas (of solo notoriety as well as UGA fame…. and awesome shit like ATX, which also featured Evul, if you were around back then) came out and rocked the shit with his hypeman SicNoizeDnice. Then Claas left Dnice to do a track with his hypeman Chxxmpa. Then Chxxmpa did a track with D as hypeman…. THEN CLAAS, D, AND CHXXMPA DID HYPEMENS TO A TRACKER!!! I may have just had a stroke re-living the set… it was that good….

The last song Claas did was “Feelin’ Myself” which is the new single from his new album, I believe, and decided to get some vengance…. You see…. During this entire BOMB ass set from these 3 crazy shit bags, this one bitch in the front was standing there flipping these guys off and booing non-stop…. So Class grabs Dnice…. and THROWS HIM into that bitch! Literally hit a mother fucker with another mother fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Which gets 17 !s) LMMFAO. ANYWHORE, the Claas set ended with chants of SICK GANG (Sick Gang = Claas, Dnice, Chxxmpa, and Don Orias)and LSP! These guys always put it down but they bodied the crowd man! Put it down so hard, that afterwards, the whole crowd was suddenly holding cans of Fosters and speaking with an Aussie accent…. it was Nucking Futs!

These next dudes had no chance of survival…. and there was no crowd after Claas killed it like always. Not sure why Claas/Dnice aren’t last before major tour package on DFW shows, because everyone hits the parking lot, then the bar right after. It’s usually a good ½ to full set before the bar has more than 10 people after these guys lol.

Lunisticks Family – Again, never heard of em, and at this point didn’t much care, it was time to smoke the rest of the green we brought and get ready for the finales! So outside we go!!!

SickNsane – Came back in at the end of dudes set, sounded good, grabbed a card from his merch table. Think I saw him on this here forum somewhere but idk. Then it was time for the main show!

Make My Mutha Fuckin Day (M.M.M.F.D.) – Interestingly… This was my first MMMFD show…. but the 3rd MMMFD show I’ve bought tickets to. The first one wifey and I were so tired from work that we bitched out early…. next one I think we just left from hunger and went to IHOP with Drew…. Or was that the Mayday! Show?…. ANYWHORE… so this time we HAD to see them! And damn was it worth it! Nice variety of tracks from many releases, not just Butcher Brothers, BUT lots of Butcher Bros! Which is my favorite so I can’t complain. As soon as they left the stage, we were going out the door for another cig, no time or reason to go to the car…

Axe Murder Boys (A.M.B.) – Standing by the side stage door smoking a cig, when suddenly the stage door opened and 2 dudes start yelling at us, “YOU NEED TO MOVE, NAAAAOOOOWWW! MOOOVEEE!!!” so we bolted away from the main entrance…. realized nothing but people and a wooded trail that way, turned around to go toward the main door and suddenly we are bumping into Young Wicked and Bonez Dub LOL. “oops, my bad, scuse me bro, thanks for coming out”, and suddenly we realized they were not waiting on us and they were already onstage, so we ran inside too. Mostly amb songs, never a bad thing, heavy on the muerte release though. Young Wicked did manage to squeeze in some solo stuff from vengance and RotPS. Then outta nowhere my homie Evul runs up smiling and laughing. Tried to get him to explain and he said “Some bitch at the bar was showing off her pierced nipples to me and these other guys. Then since we complimented that she showed us her pierced pussy, which was (Borat voice) VERRY NIIIICE!! Then her man got pissed and was trying to post up!” Turned out they went ahead and left, but rumor has it a couple people had to stop him from beating her ass in the parking lot…. crazy shit! At one point Wifey was in the restroom and this same bitch was looking at her exposed titties in the mirror but couldn’t stay still and was trying to climb on the sink… while still looking at her titties LOL. Not sure what these people were on….

Alla Xul Elu (A.X.E.) – Finally to the end of the show (and the beginning of my carpal tunnel recovery… not even joking, this hurts to type at this point, and even more the second time around LOL) And AXE finally took the stage and we all sang, and gave praise to our favorite church Hymns! Church has never been so fun! Guys put on a great show. Looked like Joe Black is recovering from his car crash pretty well, or at least he has some mobility back anyway, so that’s good either way. After the show we helped Mrs. Nyro pack up the merch booth/table and load it into the van. Talked about using my car to help get Scum and everyone to the IHop but decided on our leftover pizza instead. I know I know, Going to Ihop with the tour package would’ve been great! Well we were horny and it had been like 2 weeks since we fucked so….. next time LOL

After the merch was packed up, the homies all split, and it was just myself, my wife, Kryptik and Beardo (From Beardo Photography) standing in the parking lot…. so we started talking… by the end of it Kryptik couldn’t hardly breathe from the random nonsensical mutterings of myself and beardo LOL. everything from stun gun porn, to finding his and hers long distance sex toys and using them to literally fuck yourself, to clubs where people are on stage jerking off with a plate of cocaine smashed onto their asshole and their dicks on fire….. yanno… intelligent conversation. So Kryptik took off once he couldnt handle our crazy, and we all decided the show is officially over… they went to ihop, we went home….

2 STALENESS ITEMS: 1. Dimentional couldn’t make it to start the night off right… 2. There was a gaggle of kids that came in and was running around.. not a bad thig at all…. Until I realized one of them was not a kid, but a grown ass man…… I have 1 phobia in this world and its Achondroplasiaphobia, the fear of midgets/dwarves…… he touched me trying to run through the crowd with his kids (who are all taller than him) and I reacted so badly that my wife had to literally tell me to “Put your vagina away dear, it’s ok now”

I probably missed some good things but for my second typing of this ill just add to it when/if i remember anything else important that happened. 

Sorry it was a long one, but it was a good show! Besides, typed this for my reminiscing, not yours LOL. Peace!

BOZO