We’ve all had it happen, nobody is safe from it. The seasoned vet knows to look out for it, but it happens anyway. You’re kickin back with a bag of gourmet jelly beans, really stoned and totally enjoying it, when BAMMM!!! You get sucker punched in the mouth with one of the most rancid things you could ever possibly taste while here on Earth. That’s right, I’m talkin about black licorice. That shit is so disgusting it should be a punishment of some kind. If you made criminals eat this shit as some part of their sentence I can almost guarantee an instant decrease in the crime rate. Sure, human rights groups would pitch a fit, but fuck ’em, they’re always pitching fits regardless. I know that some people enjoy this flavor, but they’re also in my experience the same people who ate glue sticks back in pre-school. What the fuck man, what tastes so bad??? It’s like sugar and hate came together and formed what we know as black licorice. Red licorice? Dynamite!!! Great shit. Where did the candy industry go wrong? And just why do they feel the need to punish us? A whole bag of black licorice is easy enough to avoid, and they know this. Next time you’re in the candy aisle at the supermarket just take a look for yourself, this shit is not selling at all. But to put us gourmet jelly bean lovers in constant jeopardy of coming across this bullshit is totally and completely unacceptable. What did we ever do to them for them to hate us so much? I know that I’m not alone here, it all came very clear to me about a month ago at work. I take it upon my bad self to put bowls of gourmet jelly beans in certain places around the building in which I work. There’s a total of 8 in all, not a very large building, and the results speak for themselves. Every week when I go around refilling them, I notice one common factor : Nobody is eating the black jelly beans. There’s always a gang of them hanging around the bottom of the bowl, looking sorry as all hell. It’s like they’re speaking to me “We’re candies not job applicants, give us a chance, shit!!!!!” Oh no, I’ve given you as many chances as you’re going to get, yuck!!! But just what in the hell tastes so bad??? That bullshit tastes like molasses and struggle, it fuckin sucks. I’ve written several emails to these gourmet jelly bean companies, all to no avail. I’m under the Andy Dufresne Shawshank Redemption letter style of writing. One letter a week, they can’t ignore me forever. But as of right now, they are. Take that bullshit out the bag man, stop torturing us with the fear of accidently popping this bullshit into our mouths at snack time. Next time you have a free moment, maybe take a minute and write to some of these companies. I can’t do it alone, but together, as a collective effort, we can rid our bags of jelly beans from the hateful entity known as black licorice. We can make a difference in the world people, let’s make it happen. Please, I’m begging you, let’s make this happen.