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7:41 pm
March 10, 2016
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Thursday I found out my father passed. At first it didn’t bother me. My dad was an abusive alcoholic who I contributed a lot of my issues to growing up and I have not talked to him in over 12 years. But, Thursday my stepmom got a hold of my wife and told me he had passed.
Then today I have some sort of fucking mental breakdown. I got to thinking. How in the fuck could a man that beat me and my mom and tried to drown my sister just die and never even attempt to reconcile his shit? I broke down.
As many of you know I am Christian so for me reconciling for all the terrible stuff I do is always something I try to put at the top of my priority list. Even talked with Smack about shit recently and it was actually civil and I felt I needed to do it. On the other hand I also try to be less judgmental because of my beliefs although it is truly hard sometimes but I just couldn’t look past this. I am still having a hard time with it now for almost 14 hours.
He was my father. But also my enemy. Yet, I am fucking mourning this man. This man that I had to sell drugs at 13 cause he spent all his money on women and alcohol. This man that was a very big contributor to my delinquency as a youth. It makes no sense I truly hated him more then anyone I have ever hated but now I have regrets.
I still don’t feel I did anything wrong to him but I regret that my father, the man that was supposed to love me the most thought so little of me that he never wanted to reconcile with me.
Anyways just wanted to get that off my chest. Sorry if it blew anyones buzz but this was the best place for me to vent. Thanks for always putting up with my shit guys and know that I love you guys.
Whoop Whoop Nyro :
King Lucem Ferre8:28 pm
May 4, 2014
Offline
I’ll celebrate life with u, Nyro.
The fact that u have a wife & child after what u went thru speaks volumes. Here’s some Gospel.
YouTube Video Johnny Cash – God’s Gonna Cut You Down
Whoop Whoop krunk :
Nyro |  |  |
8:53 pm
September 18, 2012
Offline
Nyro said
Thursday I found out my father passed. At first it didn’t bother me. My dad was an abusive alcoholic who I contributed a lot of my issues to growing up and I have not talked to him in over 12 years. But, Thursday my stepmom got a hold of my wife and told me he had passed.Then today I have some sort of fucking mental breakdown. I got to thinking. How in the fuck could a man that beat me and my mom and tried to drown my sister just die and never even attempt to reconcile his shit? I broke down.
As many of you know I am Christian so for me reconciling for all the terrible stuff I do is always something I try to put at the top of my priority list. Even talked with Smack about shit recently and it was actually civil and I felt I needed to do it. On the other hand I also try to be less judgmental because of my beliefs although it is truly hard sometimes but I just couldn’t look past this. I am still having a hard time with it now for almost 14 hours.
He was my father. But also my enemy. Yet, I am fucking mourning this man. This man that I had to sell drugs at 13 cause he spent all his money on women and alcohol. This man that was a very big contributor to my delinquency as a youth. It makes no sense I truly hated him more then anyone I have ever hated but now I have regrets.
I still don’t feel I did anything wrong to him but I regret that my father, the man that was supposed to love me the most thought so little of me that he never wanted to reconcile with me.
Anyways just wanted to get that off my chest. Sorry if it blew anyones buzz but this was the best place for me to vent. Thanks for always putting up with my shit guys and know that I love you guys.
Sorry to hear man. I’m sure he probably didn’t try to reconcile because he felt ashamed, but I never knew the man so I couldn’t say. Just know that you are not the problem, nothing is your fault. And you got a sexy butt. No homo.
Whoop Whoop King Lucem Ferre :
Nyro 
10:21 pm
March 30, 2013
Offline
Much love, homie.
Nothing is ever straightforward.
I don’t mean to divert the attention, but as we’ve chatted about, I also have a complex relationship with my dad. I love him, I hate him.
But he never had a chance.
His own dad raped and murdered a 12 year old girl, and died without serving a day. It was a huge story where I come from.
My dad had to wear a wire on his own father, to try and get info out. It didn’t work. He died.
I could send a DNA sample anonymously and prove that it was my grandfather (whom I never met, by the way), but my dad is still alive so I can’t do that to him.
Documentary crews have come to him before, asking him questions. He shoos them away.
He doesn’t even know that I know about the murder itself.
Much love, dawg.
My final opinion is that NO MATTER WHAT: your father and your mother created you WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. You didn’t choose to be born. They owe you a DECENT life, minimum.
Whoop Whoop Old Mr Dangerous :
Nyro12:36 am
September 19, 2014
Offline
Not sure what advice I could give even if you asked for it. Everyone handles their problems differently but in general, if you’re venting about it instead of keeping it internalized and letting it boil, you’re gonna be straight. Other than that all I can contribute is:
Nyro said
He was my father. But also my enemy. Yet, I am fucking mourning this man.
If it keeps bothering you, it might help to ask yourself if you’re mourning the person or the idea of a “dad”. Being able to separate those two things might make it a little easier.
Time will help but if you need anything don’t hesitate to message me, man.
Whoop Whoop CellE2057 :
SPOOKYtheFUNGI, Nyro11:00 pm
March 10, 2016
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Thanks for the love guys. I decided to take a week and do nothing but whatever the hell I want so I can reflect, meditate and restabilize my shit.
Have just been keeping myself busy with my thoughts, music and video games. Shit is still just eating at me. A mixture of sadness and fucking anger.
Whoop Whoop Nyro :
King Lucem Ferre
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