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Joker's Card Deathmatch
August 11, 2016
11:02 pm
Old Mr Dangerous
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alright…. who would emerge the victor in an all-out battle? This includes the first set and the second… So everything from Carnival of Carnage to The Marvelous Missing Link: Found……..

Whoop Whoop Old Mr Dangerous :

scruffy
August 11, 2016
11:36 pm
scruffy
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okay. 

ringmaster dominates early on, dispatching carnage with riddle boxs help, then turning the tables and dispatching riddle box.  milenko throws up distractions and mysterio-like illusions that confuse ringmaster, and slow his momentum considerably. 

by this time, jake and jack are entering the fray.  since they are two, they more or less dance around the rest, chucking fireballs into their faces and asses, slowly wearing them down. 

just as its looking as if the jeckels might be gaining a decisive advantage, jack falls to the ground dead.  the wraith has simply walked up and tapped him on the shoulder as he was skipping by. 

this gets everybodys attention.  milenko immediately casts illusions about the wraith [making ringmaster look like milenko, jake look like ringmaster, etc].  the ringmaster, meanwhile picks up jake and throws him at the wraith.  while this craziness is goin on, bang pow boom arrives, blasting the whole arena into a cloud of dust, shrapnel, and spall. 

the wraith, along with everyone else, is knocked to the turf.  jake impacts it squarely, setting it afire, but otherwise doing little damage.  a death touch later, and jake is extinguished. 

milenkos illusions are even less effective, as the wraith doesnt care who he kills, he knows he will kill everyone eventually.  the ringmaster uses the moment to attack and backstab milenko, but the wraith uses that moment to similarly backstab and kill the ringmaster. 

bang pow boom re-arrives, blowing the dead bodies to bits, but only flapping the wraiths robes around some.  as it advances on the confused bang pow boom, however, the wraith suddenly *pops!* into a little cloud of confetti.  enter death pop. 

yet another big ridiculous explosion, but no one is there to see it…  bpb has but a few seconds to ponder why, when the missing link appears above him.  both bang pow boom and death pop [watching from the nethervoid, waiting for a good time to *pop* again] are leery of chargin in headlong against the link [who has powerful friends, they say].  but they also know that the link is a fairly vaguely defined character with no known specific combat powers, so death pop makes the first move. 

sure enough, seconds later, the missing link is only found in confetti form, and bpb blows himself up again, for good measure, to clear the field. 

this leaves only bang pow boom and death pop;  and a problem:  bang pow booms whole shtick is blowing himself up, death pops whole shtick is blowing someone else up.  both of them briefly try to remember what happened in marvel comics, when the juggernaut ran into the blob, but then they both come to their senses, and simultaneously attack…! 

 

records at this point become very difficult to interpret, but it looks as though roughly eighty-five percent of our galaxy was destroyed as a result. 

 

winner:  nobody. 

except all the bad people that these guys woulda been killing, if they hadnt been killing each other. 

Whoop Whoop scruffy :

OCJ_Brendan, Neverthrive, deathmetaljuggalo, bayAreaShaman, JC, Old Mr Dangerous, H3ML0K

  awfully paranoid, arent you?   

August 11, 2016
11:46 pm
Carlbrain2057
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Before I read what anyone else suggests, my vote is for the ringmaster all the fucking way. That was my first card and my introduction to Icp. Call it nostalgia or favoritism. I call it the MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!!!!! 

Whoop Whoop Carlbrain2057 :

DrFreshness
August 12, 2016
2:01 am
JabroniKilla
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Jokers cards are too gangsta fo MTV question is an elephant can me and Randy gall do commentary 

August 12, 2016
6:57 am
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Carnivalkilla44
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I’d say it’s a toss up between the Wraith and BPB. One is essentially the almighty overseer to everything and the other is complete and total explosive destruction.

August 13, 2016
1:09 am
Old Mr Dangerous
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the question is:

how long does it take for the Wraith to show up after The Mighty Death Pops?

what is the chronological sequence of events here?

okay ill try….

 

The Carnival of Carnage arises… basically the Carnival is God… or people in the ghetto…. or something…. let’s just get COC out of the way since this was definitely the least thought-out card.

So COC arrives… maybe COC is the Carnival of Life… like a short way to describe your life from beginning to end. Carnage and chaos…

Throughout life, you do things, both good and bad. You occasionally become Lost and Found with your Missing Links. Jake and Jack Jeckel begin to toss those firey sins and accomplishments, juggling them. They do this shit for most of your entire life.

For those of us that are completely Lost, evil bastards, Bang!Pow!Boom! wipes yall out. Like in a big mass of murder. No time for judge and jury. Just some early massacres.

The rest are shown illusions of what their life could’ve been by The Great Milenko. Usually in a dream. The Ringmaster has employed the guy to show you this in an attempt to steer you towards something positive. The Ringmaster is just the boss of all these interdimensional beings. Not God, per se. Just a very stealthy, powerful dude.

The Carnival of Carnage carries on, with the Amazing Jeckel Brothers juggling like they do. Until they can’t anymore. They tally up the balls and begin some eternal mathematics.

The Mighty Death Pop appears, without warning usually. He is your flash of death. Simply an instantaneous transition card, brief but important.

You appear in a void. Nothing but darkness until you are presented with a colorful figure in the distance.

You turn a large crank. A purple and green toy that chimes a little familiar tune that suddenly fills you with dread.

The Riddlebox is the name The Ringmaster gives it. BOOM!!! It chooses your fate official style.

The Wraith appears. You either go to Shangri-La or Hell’s Pit. Or, for the few randoms, fall off and get to tour The Echoside. Until you wind back in Hell anyway. Lucky you.

So, chronologically, it’s

 

Carnival of Carnage

The Ringmaster

The Marvelous Missing Links

The Amazing Jeckel Brothers

Bang!Pow!Boom!

The Great Milenko

The Mighty Death Pop

The Riddlebox

The Wraiths

….. so the only one that doesn’t quite fit is BPB! That’s just a random force of nature that wipes out a lot of straightup scum at once, to save time and make room for the more complex souls. The Ringmaster is there the whole time, observing and just doing his thing.

but who would win in a fight? The Riddlebox. Gotta love the underdog.

Whoop Whoop Old Mr Dangerous :

JC, H3ML0K
August 13, 2016
3:02 pm
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deathmetaljuggalo
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@scruffy just made my day. 

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