jabronikilla206 said
Hes 13 im no therapist but i didnt go to any dances till like sixteen ,kid should be a kid seems like your already involved a lil much playing match maker not sayin i wouldnt of like to goto a dance with a chick at thirteen but id rather be playing golden eye back then 

Yeah times have changed a bit they have jr high prom now lol. 

But yeah maybe I should let him and his mom figure it out.

The idea is more financial. The reason I called the girls parents was for security reasons. Sometimes sexually abused kids get attached so I was making sure the kids liked eachother and it wasn’t a weird stalker issue on his part.

The mom has two boys and works at Wally world so the money for the dance is the big issue. This is one of my pro bono cases I do. I just want some opinions also more then open to better ideas.

The kids want to go. The boy lacks confidence and his mom lacks money. I of course can not take the kid shopping as it would be unprofessional but I thought maybe handing his mom some money and saying that I wanted him to be able to go to the dance with his classmates and have something nice to wear as well as have a fighting chance to impress his crush. 

This is just weighing on me heavily. As a therapist I need to stay as professional as possible but as a human being I feel this kid that has zero after school activities needs this more then any other kid to boost his confidence, social skills and trust.

krunkazphuk said

Nyro said
So I can not sleep tonight although I have to work in 5 hours . Today I counseled a 13 year old boy who was the victim of both physical and sexual abuse by his father who is now in prison. This young man lacks confidence and is still a very confused child. Although the incident happened 3 years ago it is affecting him so much that now he doesn’t have the nerve to ask a young lady to a dance or even knows if a girl would like him cause he is “tainted”. The kid is smart and has no mental or physical handicap other then the abuse. I have decided that I am going to try and help the kid out somehow. 

I have talked to the parents of the girl and she told her parents she liked him so. . . I was thinking next session we would order some flowers and a card to go with it on the phone asking her to the dance. And then I would provide his mother with the money needed for a suit rental. 

As a therapist I can only get so involved but do you guys feel this is overstepping as long as the parents are cool with it? I was raised by a single mother most my life and I know how financially difficult things can get.

I feel this kid needs a confidence boost and as I can not meet with clients outside of business because I need to keep some professionalism this is the best solution I could think of.

Well?

Playing God can be dangerous. Here’s the link to the

Code of Ethics.

https://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/Content/legal_ethics/code_of_ethics.aspx

Maybe consider their part about gifts:

“ 3.9 Gifts.

Marriage and family therapists attend to cultural norms when considering whether to accept gifts from or give gifts to clients. Marriage and family therapists consider the potential effects that receiving or giving gifts may have on clients and on the integrity and efficacy of the therapeutic relationship.”

Good guidelines although being a religious based practice not exactly the same as we don’t use the aamft system and have our own in house state certified guidelines. Which basically says the same stuff.

However with a child in this specific situation who hates men, is it better to try and prove you give a shit or just be the weird guy he has to talk to like an adult once a week because mommy says so?

I do hear you though and the guidelines are great but not defined well enough to say good or bad either way.

krunkazphuk said

Nyro said 
Good guidelines although being a religious based practice not exactly the same as we don’t use the aamft system and have our own in house state certified guidelines. Which basically says the same stuff.

However with a child in this specific situation who hates men, is it better to try and prove you give a shit or just be the weird guy he has to talk to like an adult once a week because mommy says so?

I do hear you though and the guidelines are great but not defined well enough to say good or bad either way.

Ultimately your decision. Maybe consider not only how it will affect your client & his family, but you as well. Do you really want to start down the road of financial involvement with clients?

Truth is no, not because of money. I could care less as I am not a materialistic person but because I don’t want people to know I gave them something. I would love a way to do it anonymously. 

The thing is my job is to help victims accept and cope with what happened to them so they can try to live normal lives. This kid has already done that before he even came to me. His worst issue is his social awkwardness in my opinion. Honestly for me this hits home naturally but I appreciate everyone’s input you guys are great.

@JC don’t work like that buddy. Therapists are humans and we seek outside opinions a lot actually. The important thing is to not use their real names and other forms of identifying info. That’s called “after degree training” lol. Or in real world terms getting a second opinion. All hard choices should be discussed with unbiased parties in my opinion.