I always picture nice big Mormon families when I picture Utah, which isn’t often. I’ve been to Utah before, most of the people were nice, but think I would shoot myself in the face if I had to live there. Maybe I could get used to it, I don’t know. Fuck juggalo killer shit, never heard of that before, sounds like the national curb stomp a juggalo day’s they used to have. They celebrated by doing nothing to anyone. Real hardcore, way to scare the shit out of us.

We had a Perkins here in upstate NY but we never went, then they tore it down. They built a Denny’s down the road and its okay. The only time I ever drank moonshine I ended up there, doing very loud Bill Cosby impressions. I’m surprised we weren’t kicked out. Then I called this black dude the name of another black dude we knew. He laughed about it though, instead of being a bitch. Good times. So Denny’s wins.

We drove through Utah at night, the very southernmost part, to get home to NY. There were so many wild elk with their glowing green eyes in the roads lol… interesting experience.

Lucem Ferre said
I know you came down to SLC once for something last year. Magna is a lot different from the rest of Utah, it’s the shit pile of Utah.

 

Most of Utah is nice and friendly which is cool. I don’t mind it, but I’ve never lived anywhere else so I don’t really have a valid opinion on it.

I can assure you that I wasn’t in SLC last year, or any other part of Utah. I can’t imagine what even goes on down there, the tomatoes that don’t taste like tomatoes festival? The guys who run the rattlesnake ranches down there get together for a big sausage fest? All I remember is the beer had less alcohol than any other state (still don’t know why, probably Mormons screwing up beer for the rest of you and people driving through), it’s a great way to get other people to get the fuck out. It could be worse, I guess. You could live in Mississippi. Make some moonshine, lynch your black neighbors, ride your little wagon down a hill into a huge pine tree. Pretend that the civil war is still going on, you know, Mississippi. That could be the state slogan for Utah:”We’re not as bad as Mississippi.” Make shirts, hats, put it on your license plates, good times Lucem, good times.

Of the two, I think I’ve had better meals at Perkins. We don’t have either in Nashville though.

But I agree as well that IHOP trumps both of them. That was our once or twice a week hangout when I lived in the dorms. We would always show up in a group of a dozen or something, and there was this one overnight waitress that HATED us for some reason (we always tipped well, were never unruly, always bought actual meals, and despite staying for long periods of time sometimes, it’s not like we were taking up a table when the restaurant was empty). We always referred to her as That Bitch Sue. One day, she had given us the shittiest service ever, and ended up yelling at one of us about something. So we left her a nine cent tip, with nine pennies in the shape of a 9 on the table. After that, she was pleasant as punch to us.

Oh, IHOP.

-Jules