If he tries to give you shit slap the shit out of him. Respect him, as you should already know, but don't let him disrespect you. Let him know who has the real balls and who's just the little barking dog. Remember, he's there to train you, that does not mean you are his little bitch. Oh no, it does not. And  if you feel like crying, do it. They will respect you for it. Tell him a real man cries and that he'd know that if he was a real man. If you feel like masturbating just go for it. You do not hide it or save it for a better time. You do what you want and if they feel uncomfortable then maybe they should leave your presence.

If he tries to compare you to a female, that means he wants to fuck you in the ass because he finds you sexually attractive. At that point call him a faggot and tell him to stop trying to flirt with you because you are not gay. The homophobic slurs are a must though, it keeps those creatures at bay.

Remember that episode of South Park when Craig would just spontaneously flip people off? You should do that. Screw all that other shit that I use in job interviews, just do the random middle finger.

Yeah, and you will too at boot camp.

Im not changing my signature though....

If Scruff ever pops in again....

Big veiny meaty courage spewing out valor all over our neck, chest, and faces.