Sup Juggalos and juggalettes and wicked clown ninjas a like. It’s your boy BeZerk here, a day after the Wicked Winter Ball in St. Paul. I got some coverage of that for you ninjas that were interested, but that’s for another time. What I got for you is much funnier. I got a Facebook sensation that never fails to make me laugh.

Fuckin blankets, how do they work? Ass Dan is the man with the plan. Starting on Facebook after his infamous career on SNL in which he died and was reborn. Funny as shit when he came back to life by zombie Jesus who had his back because he’s his homie like that. So here’s another funny interview for you to enjoy while we wait for The Scrubb to edit up the Winter Wicked Ball. Enjoy juggalocoros!!!

 

Interview for: Ass Dan
Real Name: Daniel Cornelius McAssterson III
From: Nowhere, Oklahoma

 

Faygoluvers: On an average day, what do you do?

Ass Dan: I normally sleep for eighteen hours, wake up, do some drugs, have sex with the first person I see, doesn’t matter if they want to or not, and some more drugs. Pretty boring really.

Faygoluvers: How big is your penis, and where do you usually put it?

Ass Dan: 10.75 inches, and it goes wherever I can fit it.

Faygoluvers: What drugs do you use on a regular basis?

Ass Dan: Weed, coke, heroin, crack, meth, X, Ketamine, jenkem, cat piss, shrooms, acid, horse tranquilizer, and if my supplies run low I discovered I can get high if I freebase my pubic hair.

Faygoluvers: How many hookers have you killed?

Ass Dan: 32 hookers, but if you count strippers it brings the numbers up to the high 190’s or low 200’s.

Faygoluvers: How many children do you have?

Ass Dan: Seven that I actually pay child support for, many many more that I don’t know about, or that I am waiting on the results of the DNA test for.

Faygoluvers: When do you get off probation for your criminal sexual misconduct?

Ass Dan: November 27th 2013

Faygoluvers: Do you want to explain what happened in that case?

Ass Dan: Well, I was set up and ended up on To Catch a Predator, when I found it was a set up my first reaction was to grab Chris Hansen by the junk and twist, but it seems he thought I was trying to give him a hand job.

Faygoluvers: So, if Ass Dan died, does that mean Jesus raised you from the dead?

Ass Dan: No, Ass Dan raises himself from the dead.

Faygoluvers: What are your future plans?

Ass Dan: Probably die a few more times to avoid paying child support, before I change my name and move to Ghana, I also plan on defending my title as Mud Eating Champion, and Worst He-Man Impersonator at Kickspit this year.

Faygoluvers: Have you ever taken a poop so big your back cracked?

Ass Dan: Twice, once at church when I was nine, and once last Christmas while visiting my grandma in her nursing home, both times I failed to reach the toilet.

Faygoluvers: Shout outs?

Ass Dan: I’d first like to thank God, and my Mama. All the fans who voted for me, the director, the make up people, the camera crew, and everyone else involved, and the Academy, never in my life did I think I’d win an Oscar.

Websites:
Ass Dan @ Facebook
SNL @ Hulu