Worst blowjob I was 15, we was at the movies and after bitchin at the chick I'd been with forever she finally gave me head. I wish she never fuckin had, it was all whole 15 seconds in duration, she wasn't sucking just moving her head up n down, and she was scraping the fuck outta me wit her teeth. Chick was a thick fuckin hottie tho...then my worst fuck was with the chick I fucked on her wit (regret that too, lost one of the best babes I ever been with part of why this is my worst fuck) but it was my first time and I was so fuckin excited lol...2 pump chump award winner of 2010 hahaha. Chick was bent over a dumpster behind the baseball diamond at my school (shit stank I could smell it standing up and 7 inches away lol..) and man was it shitty. She laughed at me..lol I aint afraid to admit it. Worst hook-up was wit my mom's married fat ass friend, it was like a porno set up too, I was comin outta the shower and bitch just starts hittin on me, then we in the guest room and I'm railin her. That was only my worse hook up cus it ruined my friendship wit her husband and my mom and her. Pussy was tight for a fattie tho.

Worst one night stand was when I was 14 the chick was decent enough but as im about to fuck she gets a heavy flow period going. Worst part was were in my moms bed had to learn to do laundry with the quickness 

I have a bad date story that actually won a radio contest one time.

The summer I turned 21, I lived on Orlando. I was dating this guy for maybe three weeks or so, and one day we decided to go to a Chinese buffet for lunch then Islands of Adventure afterward. I liked him well enough, and he seemed really into me.

We get to the Chinese buffet, and we eat lunch. Then the dude brings out a handful of plastic baggies and says that we need to fill up the baggies so we can have something for dinner that night. I was like OMG, but he kept going back to the buffet and filling up all the baggies and putting them into his backpack. He even went and got a plate full of ice from the peel and eat shrimp, and filled some of the baggies with ice to keep everything cool. Once we got to Islands of Adventure, he put the backpack in a locker. Remember...this is July in Florida.

So that evening, he says he's hungry, and goes and gets the backpack. I was dirt poor that summer, making $6.25 an hour, so I didn't have a penny to my name to buy dinner, so I pretty much had to eat what he'd taken from the buffet. He insisted on eating at a table inside the Golden Oak restaurant, and even went to the register and got plates for us to eat off of.

To end the night, we rode Bilge Rat Barges (the white water raft ride) 11 times in a row, so we were soaked to the bone. When we got back out to my car, he took off his pants and underwear right there in the middle of the parking garage, then plopped his fat, naked ass into the passenger seat of my car.

On the way out, he started whining about being hungry (despite eating half a backpack full of room temperature stolen Chinese food), and said that he wanted to stop at McDonalds. So grudgingly I agree to stop. And there I was, going through the drive thru with a dude who is naked from the waist down, who is holding his shirt just low enough to cover his dick and not show anything illegal.

As we drove back to his place, he started to complain that his balls were itching. Then this dude took his keys out of his pants and proceeded to scratch his balls with his keys!! I mean, like, scratching so furiously that the keys were jingling everywhere and he was making these moaning orgasm noises. At this point, it was pretty much the longest car ride I've ever taken, as I just couldn't wait to get this guy out of my car.

Right as we got near where he'd left his car, he started to complain about how badly he had to pee. So of course I thought that he was just going to pee in my car, but thank God he didn't. I dropped him off at his car, and he stood up right outside the car door and peed like a fountain without even trying to be discreet. Then he walked to his car, still without pants and underwear on, with his butt jiggling everywhere as he went.

Not surprisingly, I didn't hear from him again that summer. But two summers later, I ran into him and he invited me to go watch Spiderman 2 with him. I was already gonna go see it, so I figured I'd go with him so I wouldn't have to pay for it (since I was still rocking the $6.25 an hour). Everything was fine, so I agreed to let him drive me to my car. He walked around to my side to open the door for me, and once I was sitting inside, he sneezed directly onto my bare leg. So I got out and walked to my car, and never heard from him again.

Do I win?

-Jules

that is a funny ass story..

GanjaGoblin said
I've seen her at shows a year ago, she was pregnant. I don't even wanna acknowledge. Whether she was lying or not, I was terrified but she showed signs of being psychotic. Another chick I dated, we went back to her place. It's late, we're sleeping and I wake up and shes awake with her hands reaching for my neck. You ever just feel like someones watching you? Waking up looking over to someone wide eyed reaching for your throat. It's scary. God has cursed my dating experiences.

Are these psycho bitches really that prominate? I wish I would wake up to some motherfacko about to grab my neck. There are also some psycho ass dudes in the world, let me elaborate.

I met up with a guy at a chinese buffet (seems to be a trend with psychos Julia :P) and he walked like 5 steps ahead of me to go in, let the door almost smack me when he went in and then got a table and proceeded to sit down before I even got all the way in the door. He goes to the buffet, gets his plate and comes back to the table and when I sit down he starts talking about this girl he recently broke up with and what he thinks I should tell him to help him get over her. I'm like "I don't know" and he was like "Then why are you here?" I don't say anything cause I'm just trying to eat my food and get the fuck out of there. All of a sudden, he slams his hands on the table and like screams "I JUST MISS HER SO MUCH!" and hes like balling and crying so loud people are starting to stare and by this time I'm getting my shit and I'm about to dip. I get up and I'm starting to walk out and he slides out of the booth and grabs my legs and wraps his body around it insanely sobbing like don't go, don't go I'M SORRY!!! I'm standing there in shock like this dude is seriously clinging to my leg like a little fucking kid crying. So by now everyone in the whole fucking place is looking at us, and I'm pissed because I hate being embarassed. So the only thing I knew to do was to punch him in the face to get him off my leg, so I decked him in the head and he let go of me and fell onto the floor in the fetal position, still crying. I threw a 20 on the counter where the register is and just got in my car and left. 

He ended up blowing up my phone non stop for 3 days so I had to call Tmobile and have them block his number completely. 

VoiceNameless said

 

And Jules, I PROMISE I won't scratch em with my keys ever again, but you knew what you were getting into the second time around with me!

 

Who's up for Chinese Buffet?

Wait Ive heard something like this before....

OCJ_Brendan said
Damn that made me laugh...Im sorry about sneezing on your leg...I didn't mean too...

The Warlock said 
mmmmmmmm 

So why did you pay for dinner twice at the buffet was it that good because all buffets have it where you pay before you sit to eat

Worst hook a fat druggy lette told me she was prego thank God she wasnt or id be in Mexico Kenny powers style

We used to hang out with this one cock tease of girl (i dont know if i've ever gotten into it, but i was never quite the ladies man in highschool, so when a fine bitch like this one hung around i would hound after her) and she knew i was into her, so every time we got any phallic shaped food (hotdogs, popsicles, bananas, etc,) at lunch she'd deep throat'm whilst eating them just to fuck with me. Always went to fourth period with the worst kind of boner. OMD reminded me of that with his hotdog story. Also on a hilarious note, i just realised (i dont ever see or talk to her anymore, i dont even know if shes around anymore) that chick was a lette the whole time i knew her, and lawt i heard from her shes dating a juggalo now. Funny how i never noticed that til years later.