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The Worst
May 30, 2013
8:06 pm
The Notorious, L.T.B.
The Notorious, L.T.B.
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Worst blowjob I was 15, we was at the movies and after bitchin at the chick I'd been with forever she finally gave me head. I wish she never fuckin had, it was all whole 15 seconds in duration, she wasn't sucking just moving her head up n down, and she was scraping the fuck outta me wit her teeth. Chick was a thick fuckin hottie tho...then my worst fuck was with the chick I fucked on her wit (regret that too, lost one of the best babes I ever been with part of why this is my worst fuck) but it was my first time and I was so fuckin excited lol...2 pump chump award winner of 2010 hahaha. Chick was bent over a dumpster behind the baseball diamond at my school (shit stank I could smell it standing up and 7 inches away lol..) and man was it shitty. She laughed at me..lol I aint afraid to admit it. Worst hook-up was wit my mom's married fat ass friend, it was like a porno set up too, I was comin outta the shower and bitch just starts hittin on me, then we in the guest room and I'm railin her. That was only my worse hook up cus it ruined my friendship wit her husband and my mom and her. Pussy was tight for a fattie tho.

Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!

September 9, 2013
3:52 pm
Old Mr Dangerous
Old Mr Dangerous
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LTB said
Worst blowjob I was 15, we was at the movies and after bitchin at the chick I'd been with forever she finally gave me head. I wish she never fuckin had, it was all whole 15 seconds in duration, she wasn't sucking just moving her head up n down, and she was scraping the fuck outta me wit her teeth. Chick was a thick fuckin hottie tho...then my worst fuck was with the chick I fucked on her wit (regret that too, lost one of the best babes I ever been with part of why this is my worst fuck) but it was my first time and I was so fuckin excited lol...2 pump chump award winner of 2010 hahaha. Chick was bent over a dumpster behind the baseball diamond at my school (shit stank I could smell it standing up and 7 inches away lol..) and man was it shitty. She laughed at me..lol I aint afraid to admit it. Worst hook-up was wit my mom's married fat ass friend, it was like a porno set up too, I was comin outta the shower and bitch just starts hittin on me, then we in the guest room and I'm railin her. That was only my worse hook up cus it ruined my friendship wit her husband and my mom and her. Pussy was tight for a fattie tho.

I know its 3.5 months later but damn dawg lol... why u gotta destroy family ties hahaha

September 9, 2013
4:05 pm
billymanz
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Worst one night stand was when I was 14 the chick was decent enough but as im about to fuck she gets a heavy flow period going. Worst part was were in my moms bed had to learn to do laundry with the quickness 

September 9, 2013
4:12 pm
Old Mr Dangerous
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billymanz said
Worst one night stand was when I was 14 the chick was decent enough but as im about to fuck she gets a heavy flow period going. Worst part was were in my moms bed had to learn to do laundry with the quickness 

Bloodstains bloodstains!! - cykosis hahaha

 

I earned my "Red Wings" two or three summers ago. I'm no Hell's Angel but it was just the right time right chick right plasma. I'm a nasty mothafucka/ I'll eat that pussy like the Last Suppa

September 15, 2013
12:30 am
VeryTwiztidRaven
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I have a bad date story that actually won a radio contest one time.

 

The summer I turned 21, I lived on Orlando. I was dating this guy for maybe three weeks or so, and one day we decided to go to a Chinese buffet for lunch then Islands of Adventure afterward. I liked him well enough, and he seemed really into me.

 

We get to the Chinese buffet, and we eat lunch. Then the dude brings out a handful of plastic baggies and says that we need to fill up the baggies so we can have something for dinner that night. I was like OMG, but he kept going back to the buffet and filling up all the baggies and putting them into his backpack. He even went and got a plate full of ice from the peel and eat shrimp, and filled some of the baggies with ice to keep everything cool. Once we got to Islands of Adventure, he put the backpack in a locker. Remember...this is July in Florida.

 

So that evening, he says he's hungry, and goes and gets the backpack. I was dirt poor that summer, making $6.25 an hour, so I didn't have a penny to my name to buy dinner, so I pretty much had to eat what he'd taken from the buffet. He insisted on eating at a table inside the Golden Oak restaurant, and even went to the register and got plates for us to eat off of.

 

To end the night, we rode Bilge Rat Barges (the white water raft ride) 11 times in a row, so we were soaked to the bone. When we got back out to my car, he took off his pants and underwear right there in the middle of the parking garage, then plopped his fat, naked ass into the passenger seat of my car.

 

On the way out, he started whining about being hungry (despite eating half a backpack full of room temperature stolen Chinese food), and said that he wanted to stop at McDonalds. So grudgingly I agree to stop. And there I was, going through the drive thru with a dude who is naked from the waist down, who is holding his shirt just low enough to cover his dick and not show anything illegal.

 

As we drove back to his place, he started to complain that his balls were itching. Then this dude took his keys out of his pants and proceeded to scratch his balls with his keys!! I mean, like, scratching so furiously that the keys were jingling everywhere and he was making these moaning orgasm noises. At this point, it was pretty much the longest car ride I've ever taken, as I just couldn't wait to get this guy out of my car.

 

Right as we got near where he'd left his car, he started to complain about how badly he had to pee. So of course I thought that he was just going to pee in my car, but thank God he didn't. I dropped him off at his car, and he stood up right outside the car door and peed like a fountain without even trying to be discreet. Then he walked to his car, still without pants and underwear on, with his butt jiggling everywhere as he went.

 

Not surprisingly, I didn't hear from him again that summer. But two summers later, I ran into him and he invited me to go watch Spiderman 2 with him. I was already gonna go see it, so I figured I'd go with him so I wouldn't have to pay for it (since I was still rocking the $6.25 an hour). Everything was fine, so I agreed to let him drive me to my car. He walked around to my side to open the door for me, and once I was sitting inside, he sneezed directly onto my bare leg. So I got out and walked to my car, and never heard from him again.

 

Do I win?

 

-Jules

September 15, 2013
12:46 am
OCJ_Brendan
OCJ_Brendan
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Damn that made me laugh...Im sorry about sneezing on your leg...I didn't mean too...

"Somewhere theres a Waffle House thats severely understaffed right now" -OCJ to Scruffy watching a second stage act at the Gathering.

September 15, 2013
12:50 am
Violentdope
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that is a funny ass story..

September 15, 2013
8:14 am
Old Mr Dangerous
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Jules that makes me want to fucking vomit so yes indeed, you are the winner lol

September 26, 2013
10:32 am
SexyLette420
SexyLette420
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GanjaGoblin said
I've seen her at shows a year ago, she was pregnant. I don't even wanna acknowledge. Whether she was lying or not, I was terrified but she showed signs of being psychotic. Another chick I dated, we went back to her place. It's late, we're sleeping and I wake up and shes awake with her hands reaching for my neck. You ever just feel like someones watching you? Waking up looking over to someone wide eyed reaching for your throat. It's scary. God has cursed my dating experiences.

Are these psycho bitches really that prominate? I wish I would wake up to some motherfacko about to grab my neck. There are also some psycho ass dudes in the world, let me elaborate.

 

I met up with a guy at a chinese buffet (seems to be a trend with psychos Julia :P) and he walked like 5 steps ahead of me to go in, let the door almost smack me when he went in and then got a table and proceeded to sit down before I even got all the way in the door. He goes to the buffet, gets his plate and comes back to the table and when I sit down he starts talking about this girl he recently broke up with and what he thinks I should tell him to help him get over her. I'm like "I don't know" and he was like "Then why are you here?" I don't say anything cause I'm just trying to eat my food and get the fuck out of there. All of a sudden, he slams his hands on the table and like screams "I JUST MISS HER SO MUCH!" and hes like balling and crying so loud people are starting to stare and by this time I'm getting my shit and I'm about to dip. I get up and I'm starting to walk out and he slides out of the booth and grabs my legs and wraps his body around it insanely sobbing like don't go, don't go I'M SORRY!!! I'm standing there in shock like this dude is seriously clinging to my leg like a little fucking kid crying. So by now everyone in the whole fucking place is looking at us, and I'm pissed because I hate being embarassed. So the only thing I knew to do was to punch him in the face to get him off my leg, so I decked him in the head and he let go of me and fell onto the floor in the fetal position, still crying. I threw a 20 on the counter where the register is and just got in my car and left. 

 

He ended up blowing up my phone non stop for 3 days so I had to call Tmobile and have them block his number completely. 

September 26, 2013
11:09 am
VoiceNameless
VoiceNameless
732, NJ
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Sorry about grabbing onto your legs like that, I didn't know how else to keep you there ='( Just unblock my number and maybe we can work this out?

 

And Jules, I PROMISE I won't scratch em with my keys ever again, but you knew what you were getting into the second time around with me!

 

Who's up for Chinese Buffet?

September 26, 2013
10:45 pm
OCJ_Brendan
OCJ_Brendan
Springfield VA
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VoiceNameless said

 

And Jules, I PROMISE I won't scratch em with my keys ever again, but you knew what you were getting into the second time around with me!

 

Who's up for Chinese Buffet?

Wait Ive heard something like this before....

OCJ_Brendan said
Damn that made me laugh...Im sorry about sneezing on your leg...I didn't mean too...

The Warlock said 
mmmmmmmm 

"Somewhere theres a Waffle House thats severely understaffed right now" -OCJ to Scruffy watching a second stage act at the Gathering.

September 29, 2013
9:18 pm
GanjaGoblin
GanjaGoblin
215, PA
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SexyLette420 said

GanjaGoblin said
I've seen her at shows a year ago, she was pregnant. I don't even wanna acknowledge. Whether she was lying or not, I was terrified but she showed signs of being psychotic. Another chick I dated, we went back to her place. It's late, we're sleeping and I wake up and shes awake with her hands reaching for my neck. You ever just feel like someones watching you? Waking up looking over to someone wide eyed reaching for your throat. It's scary. God has cursed my dating experiences.

Are these psycho bitches really that prominate? I wish I would wake up to some motherfacko about to grab my neck. There are also some psycho ass dudes in the world, let me elaborate.

 

I seem to be a psycho magnet. They come looney-tuning up around my way. I've met a lot of chicks, most of them all seem to have something wrong upstairs.

 

September 29, 2013
10:48 pm
key
key
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So why did you pay for dinner twice at the buffet was it that good because all buffets have it where you pay before you sit to eat

October 6, 2013
8:52 am
VeryTwiztidRaven
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^ Not necessarily. Some have you pay up front, and some have you pay when you're done.

 

I thought of another bad date. I think this was the second date I'd had with this guy, and we were going to a sit down Asian restaurant for dinner (Side note: Maybe the common denominator here is Asian food. Must remember not to go to Asian restaurants with guys). The place was like 10 minutes from where I worked. I got off at 6:30, and we planned to meet at 7:00. Since I had the time, I just went ahead and drove over there, and showed up about 15 minutes early. Why was this dude already at the table, and had two empty appetizer plates sitting there, where he had showed up early so he could start eating without me?? Dude was really big, and obviously loved to eat. When I called him on it, his response was "What?? I was hungry!!" He basically elaborated that he didn't want to eat like a pig in front of me, so he showed up early, figuring that he could eat like a pig then have them remove the plates. Then when I showed up, we would both order a normal entree and I would think he'd only eaten the entree. Apparently my showing up 15 minutes early foiled his plan, and I got to see what a pig he was anyway! Some people, I swear. hahaha

 

-Jules

October 6, 2013
9:10 am
JabroniKilla
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Worst hook a fat druggy lette told me she was prego thank God she wasnt or id be in Mexico Kenny powers style

October 6, 2013
12:47 pm
Old Mr Dangerous
Old Mr Dangerous
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^ Not necessarily. Some have you pay up front, and some have you pay when you're done.   I thought of another bad date. I think this was the second date I'd had with this guy, and we were going to a sit down Asian restaurant for dinner (Side note: Maybe the common denominator here is Asian food. Must remember not to go to Asian restaurants with guys). The place was like 10 minutes from where I worked. I got off at 6:30, and we planned to meet at 7:00. Since I had the time, I just went ahead and drove over there, and showed up about 15 minutes early. Why was this dude already at the table, and had two empty appetizer plates sitting there, where he had showed up early so he could start eating without me?? Dude was really big, and obviously loved to eat. When I called him on it, his response was "What?? I was hungry!!" He basically elaborated that he didn't want to eat like a pig in front of me, so he showed up early, figuring that he could eat like a pig then have them remove the plates. Then when I showed up, we would both order a normal entree and I would think he'd only eaten the entree. Apparently my showing up 15 minutes early foiled his plan, and I got to see what a pig he was anyway! Some people, I swear. hahaha   -Jules

 

I wanna let you know that the previous story about the Chinese food makes me slightly nauseous STILL whenever I think about it. For some reason just the dude trying to preserve the food mannnn... I dunno weird stuff makes different people grossed out.

 

However you reminded me in the current story about a girl I dated back in junior high who was "too self-conscious" to eat a damned hot dog in front of me when the school gave em out for free the last week of school. I'm like "damn girl, you know you hungry" (Friday reference of course)

October 6, 2013
2:51 pm
The Notorious, L.T.B.
The Notorious, L.T.B.
Fort Wayne, IN
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We used to hang out with this one cock tease of girl (i dont know if i've ever gotten into it, but i was never quite the ladies man in highschool, so when a fine bitch like this one hung around i would hound after her) and she knew i was into her, so every time we got any phallic shaped food (hotdogs, popsicles, bananas, etc,) at lunch she'd deep throat'm whilst eating them just to fuck with me. Always went to fourth period with the worst kind of boner. OMD reminded me of that with his hotdog story. Also on a hilarious note, i just realised (i dont ever see or talk to her anymore, i dont even know if shes around anymore) that chick was a lette the whole time i knew her, and lawt i heard from her shes dating a juggalo now. Funny how i never noticed that til years later.

Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!

October 28, 2013
7:38 pm
Carnivalkilla44
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Just found this thread and it has me dyin!

 

First time I got laid (16 I think) was with this fine redhead chick (I have a thing for redheads ever since) who was around the same age. It was also her first time. We had been dating for a while and like planned the sex for days before. Anyway, we had no place to go so we hopped into my pimp as station wagon I had at the time and started driving around until we found a spot. Well... upon reaching the big secluded cemetery the moment was upon us. Parked way in the back and put on some sexy music. Korn's follow the leader I believe it was...

 

Anyway, it was horrible! We were each equally to blame. I had watched a lot of porn up to that point, so I got the concept, but she didn't know which end was up. Barily got hard, busted a nut 10 min in, put closes back on, went to the carnival. Lol true story.

 

Nailed a fatty in the same cemetery about a year later, in broad daylight actually, and fuckin killed it! (Had to do the cemetery proper you know.)

 

Fast forward 6-7 years and I'm engaged to a gorgeous woman. Ahh, good times they were...

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