I'm sure i'm not the only one who this has happened to more than twice. Ever been caught masturbating? Shit, I hate that shit. I'm not talking about the times your girlfriend has caught you and offered to help you along either, i'm talking about the people who you'd rather not see you in all your glory gettin' down with your bad self. I honestly can't even tell how many times i've been successfully caught in the act by others, but it's around 17. My Grandmother alone has caught me about 4 times growing up, maybe even 5. You'd think she would've learned just to leave me the hell alone after awhile. I've been caught by my girlfriend's mothers and sisters, my own sister, my father, mother, even cousins. Sometimes in school I would take more than 20 minutes in the bathroom and my teachers gave me the look that said it all, they knew. Hey, teach, it's hard to get up while you're standing up in a stall over a dirty as fuck toilet, let alone get off. Shit, cut me some slack. It always sucked going back to class before you ever had the chance to get off too, be all aggravated and shit. Scowlin' and shit. Dick all half hard bunched up in your pants and shit. Ever been caught during your orgasm and decided not to stop because it was just the shit? I have!!! More than once even. Nothing like a third cousin walking in and seeing you spray cum all over your chest, that totally doesn't make sitting across from them at dinner awkward. Not at all. Maybe if I was from down South with the good ol' country bumpkins it could be considered foreplay, but not in my family. It was never a hot cousin that you might not mind getting down with either, always the fat weird looking one who eats 3  hamburgers and and 5 hot dogs with 4 ears of corn at every cookout before tackling the dessert tray, that one. The one who you all gave sugar cubes and oats too growing up because she looked like a horse just to be a dick about some shit. Ever had someone walk in and catch you that fits that description? No? Well, I have. And you know what? I'm 33 now, almost 34, and it just keeps happening. I don't even give a fuck anymore, go ahead and watch, I don't care. Sometimes we all just gotta do what we gotta do. Why can't masturbation be common and accepted in public? Stop being judgemental people and watch the world become a better place. Or am I the only one who's bored in long lines at the bank? Ever wished you had something to do to pass the time? It's about time for a change people, world peace has to start somewhere, and I happen to think it's with treating your body like an amusement park in public. Speaking of amusement parks, lots of long lines there aren't there? See where i'm going with this? EZ-Pass? No thanks, I had to leave the house in a hurry today. I'll wait.