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8:33 am
February 24, 2014
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I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
8:54 am
August 29, 2012
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Old Mr Dangerous said
I’ve also accidentally hooked not one, but THREE turtles in my lifetime. They like worms too, apparently! They hooked themselves. I caught two in the same NC pond, but years before my first turtle was hooked right through the bottom jaw. I pulled him in to shore, trying to remove it… to no avail. He shrunk his dome inside the shell like a exposed phallus on Pluto. So I said “fuck you then!” I cut the line, tied up a new hook and sinker, etc, and went back to fishing. Sooner than later, he emerged! The turtle sprinted towards the water (contrary to popular belief, they aren’t that slow), hitting a big rock. This temporarily stunted him, then he got his shit together and dove for the water. My pops told me that he’ll be fine; the metal will rust out and he’ll heal naturally. Either way, the turtle had a bad ass labret piercing for awhile. He probably got mad amphibious neden.
Yo you a turtle killin mother fucka haha
Alright theres some things i guess When i was 16 this chick i knew started talking to me on myspace after she moved from utah to cali, so i was oh shit whats up yada yada me and her talked for a couple months kind of slowed down talking, she comes back and she comes to my house im hanging out with homies, my dad and this neighbor chick and we all step out to have a smoke and she asked for a drink so being a good dude i get up to get her a drink inside, she takes a drink we sit down on the couch and she starts wanting to mack and after 30 seconds she was offerin head and i turned it down(which still im like why you mothafucka) cuz my house was full of people including my pops, so like 3 weeks after that she moves away for a year then moves back, so were still homies and she starts talkin to me in the halls more and giving me hugs and grabbing my dick everytime. She was all like come over come over all the time, so one day im at my boys he smokes me out and im texting her thinking it out, im like fuck it im going over there. I go over and banged her fucking brains out busted 3 times, so like 2 days after im sitting in class and this finer girl started talking to me and i kicked the bitch i banged to the curb, and she went absolutely fucking nuts saying leave school come over and bang and get the fuck out, for like a week she said it and by the end she was giving off a violent vibe so in fear of losing my dick i was like fuck no.. I did feel kind of bad for bangin the bitch and kickin her to the curb but hey i wouldnt of done it if i felt that bad about it.. And since im here Yeah in math i would pull my dick out and tell my girl to look down and she would always start to smile haha, before i would always scan the room for who could see and then go for it haha
9:51 am
May 29, 2013
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Sean Law said
LTB said
Ok, I’ll throw out another.
I was in 8th grade and had one of them random woodies you get for no reason (I call it drift wood lol), and I was in home ec class sittin in the front row (that class is mandatory at my school) while everyone was in the back sewing a pillow or some shit that I refused to participate in. So I start jerkin off under my desk and it occurs to me right when I’m about to bust that I got nothing to bust on (not gonna do it on my shirt or drawers and it’d get noticed on the floor) so I took of my shoe and busted in my shoe. That was 2nd period out of seven. Walked around the rest of the day til I got home wit nut in my shoe.
HAHAHA. No fuckin way that is a real story. I have fuckin tears in my eyes. tell me that shit is made up
100% fact. That’s only 1 of 3 times I beat off in class back in school too lol.
Sean Law said
ok. so when I was 13, I popped in a cheesy VHS porn that my friend let me borrow, cuz that’s what you do. well I just got don’t beatin my dick, and was about to nut, but didn’t have any papertowels or socks around. I had a pillow without a pillow case handy. not sure why. So I busted all over the pillow. Not like, 2 minutes afterwords my brother comes in. Didn’t even have enough time to recover from my shame. You know that 180 you take after you completely bust a nut? well he comes in, and sits on my bed and drops his arm all over my nut in the pillow. He was like “eww what is this?” I told him I had to blow my nose and there wasent any Kleenex around. I did blow something though. My load all over that fuckin pillow ! anyways, he believed me.Another time, I was jerkin off to some porn. I was the same age. apparently I fell asleep mid stroke, cuz I woke up in the middle of the night, with porn on the TV and my dick layin on my stomach.
I was staying in a hotel in Ocean City MD with my GF at the time, and I was pretty drunk, and I wanted to fuck. She was not down to fuck cuz she was ready to pass out, in which she did. So I got pissed of, jerked off, and nutted in her hair, then fell asleep.
Judge all you want
Third story is fucking GOLD
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
9:59 am
May 29, 2013
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The Warlock said
PunkRockJuggalo said
a gift for the warlock
Back when warlock could laugh at himself too.
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
10:21 am
February 14, 2013
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damn yall this shit is funny, extremely fuckin weird, but I prefer this than all tha hate im used to seeing. keep it up FLH! ya fuckin perverts.lol also, im surprised how funny some of yall are. didn’t see it coming.
11:22 am
Members
August 6, 2013
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Holy shit I could never beat off in class lololol
Why would you refuse to make a pillow? That was cool shit man! You get to make any kind of pillow you want. My Family and Consumer Sciences (home ec) class would have been cool as hell if my teacher wasn’t such a crazy bitch.
Ok, couple of my stories:
On my 19th birthday I was in Korea, studying abroad. I hadn’t really drank that much in the states, but was regularly getting wasted overseas. On my birthday, we were all going out drinking, and one of the professors from the U.S. bought me like 5 shots of Jack, then we went to another bar and I had a bottle of Soju, then we went somewhere else and had Makkoli with honey, etc etc etc. Basically I am fucking trashed. I get up to go to the bathroom, and a couple of the other dudes go in with me to make sure I don’t drown or something (I don’t remember any of this.) I am shitting, and without wiping, without flushing, none of that, I just turn around and barf into the toilet. Then sit back down and continue shitting.
When I was in 8th grade I was taking a Spanish class, and I was always fucking with the teacher. I was always talking, being a smart ass, yada yada yada. One day, the teacher got pissed off and called me out for talking, and there was this girl who was talking at the same time (but not as loudly or frequently as I was.) She was like 1/4 latina or something, so instead of just shutting up, I said “That’s not fair, she was talking too! You’re just racist against white people!” She took this very seriously. She took like a half an hour out of this 50 minute class to explain how I was full of shit, she was married to a white man her son was white (technically biracial) and how it hurt her for me to say that. I ended up getting ISS for that class for like a week after, and after that they instituted the “Purple Card” to send kids out of the room for racial remarks.
So, not as funny or crazy as bustin a nut in a shoe, but they’re my stories.
11:58 am
February 24, 2014
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don’t forget making out with his pillow .
LTB makes out with his pillow!
I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
12:20 pm
May 29, 2013
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Made out with. Past tense, as in 5+ years past tense lol. And @piggofdoom who hasnt gotten so trashed theyve done that? I dont even drink anymore and I’ve done that. And to the second story, I’d always hit on my spanish teacher. In spanish too, just to be sly lol. As for bitches not getting in trouble for talking when But I would, in my economics class senior year our teacher was like this 28 year old studly dude and all the bitches in that class would always be flirting with him and talking and texting nonstop during class but I’d get in trouble for talking, one day he took my phone for texting when the bitch setting directly adjacent to me had her phone on her desk wide open and I was like “why dont you take her fuckin phone? Scared she wont blow you anymore?” Had all the dudes in my class rollin, all the bitches appalled, and him flustered as fuck. 2 days of detention.
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
12:30 pm
May 29, 2013
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Other beating off in class stories,
9th (or was it tenth?) grade i was on crutches after a football injury and couldn’t participate in soccer in gym class. So I’m sitting on the bleachers watching all the fine bitches running around in their stupidly short shorts and I can’t help but pop wood. So why sit all uncomfortable and shit for the next 30 minutes? Boners hurt man. So I whip it out and beat off to the chick playing goalie right in front of me (facing away obviously). Blew in the grass lol.
11th grade I’m sexting my girl in class and again, uncomfortably hard rager. So I beat off under my desk and blow into some scrap paper. Ended up throwing said paper at my homie later in the class after he shot me with a hornet. Man was he pissed when I explained to him why it stuck to his hoodie.
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
12:33 pm
February 24, 2014
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I ate 2 bags of spicy shredded squid jerky. Very good shit, but it gives you the runs… that night, I was laying in bed, and I farted. well, I thought I farted, but it was a horrible shart. I instantly woke up and began to panic. I had wet shit in my drawers so I sneek out of bed. I jumped into the shower in the other room to avoid any embarrassment from my wife. well, im mid shower, and she comes barging in. She thought I went to shower to jerk off. lol. I almost got away with it, but on the way back from the bathroom, she saw the brown/yellowish shit drippings leading from the bedroom.
I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
12:35 pm
February 24, 2014
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LTB said
Other beating off in class stories,9th (or was it tenth?) grade i was on crutches after a football injury and couldn’t participate in soccer in gym class. So I’m sitting on the bleachers watching all the fine bitches running around in their stupidly short shorts and I can’t help but pop wood. So why sit all uncomfortable and shit for the next 30 minutes? Boners hurt man. So I whip it out and beat off to the chick playing goalie right in front of me (facing away obviously). Blew in the grass lol.
11th grade I’m sexting my girl in class and again, uncomfortably hard rager. So I beat off under my desk and blow into some scrap paper. Ended up throwing said paper at my homie later in the class after he shot me with a hornet. Man was he pissed when I explained to him why it stuck to his hoodie.
are you one of those sick fucks that drive down the street jerkin off?
I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
12:36 pm
May 29, 2013
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I had the flu pretty bad few months ago, totally shit the bed in my sleep. Ruined the tempurpedic pad we had on top of our mattress. God was that awful. Shit (literally) was everywhere.
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
12:37 pm
May 29, 2013
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Sean Law said
LTB said
Other beating off in class stories,9th (or was it tenth?) grade i was on crutches after a football injury and couldn’t participate in soccer in gym class. So I’m sitting on the bleachers watching all the fine bitches running around in their stupidly short shorts and I can’t help but pop wood. So why sit all uncomfortable and shit for the next 30 minutes? Boners hurt man. So I whip it out and beat off to the chick playing goalie right in front of me (facing away obviously). Blew in the grass lol.
11th grade I’m sexting my girl in class and again, uncomfortably hard rager. So I beat off under my desk and blow into some scrap paper. Ended up throwing said paper at my homie later in the class after he shot me with a hornet. Man was he pissed when I explained to him why it stuck to his hoodie.
are you one of those sick fucks that drive down the street jerkin off?
Nah. Havent “publicly” beat off once since school. Just a horny undersexed highschool kid. Banged my girlfriend on a park bench once tho.
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
12:38 pm
February 24, 2014
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you ever shart and it angles up your back? sucks
I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
12:39 pm
February 24, 2014
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LTB said
Sean Law said
LTB said
Other beating off in class stories,9th (or was it tenth?) grade i was on crutches after a football injury and couldn’t participate in soccer in gym class. So I’m sitting on the bleachers watching all the fine bitches running around in their stupidly short shorts and I can’t help but pop wood. So why sit all uncomfortable and shit for the next 30 minutes? Boners hurt man. So I whip it out and beat off to the chick playing goalie right in front of me (facing away obviously). Blew in the grass lol.
11th grade I’m sexting my girl in class and again, uncomfortably hard rager. So I beat off under my desk and blow into some scrap paper. Ended up throwing said paper at my homie later in the class after he shot me with a hornet. Man was he pissed when I explained to him why it stuck to his hoodie.
are you one of those sick fucks that drive down the street jerkin off?
Nah. Havent “publicly” beat off once since school. Just a horny undersexed highschool kid. Banged my girlfriend on a park bench once tho.
I banged my wife in a hot topic dressing room
I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
12:40 pm
May 29, 2013
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I always wanted to fuck in a changing room. My girlfriend isnt wild enough for all that anymore.
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
12:44 pm
February 24, 2014
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@ltb that toilet paper roll fucking video up top, I heard that’s what them Military boys do to hold them over. seriously. you see yourself fuckin some TP?
I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
12:46 pm
May 29, 2013
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Nah. More likely to visit a gaisha house than fuck a TP roll. (I will most likely get deployed to japan as an MP, sandy shithole countries are for the more combat oriented MOSes.)
Blood rains down from an angry sky! My cock rages on! My cock rages on!
12:49 pm
February 24, 2014
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watch out for them girls. I had a buddy say his friend got done fuck some Asian whore, and when he woke up, she was gone, and she wrote on the mirror with lipstick “Welcome to the wonderful world of Aids”
I'll fuck you till you love me, Faggot!
-Tyson
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