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2:43 pm
March 30, 2013
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Choosy moms choose Jif. Jumpsteady chooses your mom... out of pity.
7:47 pm
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August 12, 2012
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In Scruff We Trust
9:43 pm
March 30, 2013
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The Necronomicon is bound in human flesh... Jumpsteady's, that is... his foreskin, to be precise.
7:08 am
Moderators
May 22, 2012
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im seriously considering printing this entire thing out, then bothering everybody at the gathering about it until i can put it in jumps hand. or maybe, printing out a zillion copies, and letting everybody bother each other.
how many more of these can we cook up? its at 286, now. i think.
by the way, jumpsteady can break a mans neck with a 2-liter at 150 paces.
also, he sneaks into your house about once or twice a month and moves your shoes to the other side of the room. and every time, you think, 'why did i put my shoes over there?'
288. please, someone get us over 300.
awfully paranoid, arent you?
7:35 am
March 30, 2013
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The Jumpsteady Scrolls must be completed and catalogued... speaking of which:
289 (?). Jumpsteady still finds time to play loosely based charscters of himself in movies. He was the bald kid in "The Golden Child", for instance. Alanis Morisette and Morgan Freeman both took a crack at it, but he was called "God" in those movies instead of Jumpsteady (blasphemy!)
7:53 am
March 30, 2013
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Jumpsteady can stop time for as long as he needs during freestyle battles, so he can outwit and outrap his competitors, but shit, he hasn't used it to this day, since he can slay emcees in his sleep.
9:03 am
March 30, 2013
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Jumpsteady can't die, per se, but he gave himself a near-death experience out of curiosity. Whilst on the other side, Hunter S. Thompson paid him a visit, saying "we saved you a seat next to Gahndi."
11:03 am
April 15, 2013
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Gahndi would be to busy with reincarnation to be caught up in heaven.
9:18 pm
July 27, 2012
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Hey look, I'm contributing
Jumpsteady can cook minute rice in 52 seconds.
The first rule of fight club is don't fuck with Jumpsteady.
Jumpsteady is such a beloved national treasure that Nic Cage is plotting to steal him.
11:47 pm
December 3, 2012
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Sorry in advance if this has been used
Jumpsteady's car has no mirrors, he has no blind spots
There's a gateway in our minds
That leads somewhere out there, far beyond this plane
Where reptile aliens made of light
Cut you open and pull out all your pain
Sturgill Simpson- Turtles All The Way Down
8:48 am
Moderators
May 22, 2012
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now i gotta think of a quick one...
after neil armstrong had been on the moon for around ten minutes, he noticed a tag that read: 'jumpsteady was here'
awfully paranoid, arent you?
9:33 pm
July 27, 2012
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Diamonds were once thought to be the hardest substance known to man, though a recent study suggests there is truly nothing harder than Jumsteady's street cred.
Jumpsteady makes no mistakes, and thus has no need for erasers, writing exclusively with a fountain pen filled with his own blood.
It's rumored that Jumpsteady will star in the The Expendables three, replacing every other leading actor and filling every role himself. Title soon to be changed to The Invaluables.
I hope none of these were already used. If that's the case, sorry, and also, oh well.
8:33 am
Moderators
May 22, 2012
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301.
awfully paranoid, arent you?
3:06 pm
March 30, 2013
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Jumpsteady is so fuckin fly, his 220+ things that you should know about him actually exceeds 300.
He also is the sole creator of four letters not known in any given alphabet.
A drop of Jumpsteady's blood, sweat, urine, saliva, semen, or tears can power a diesel engine for ten weeks. Also, it cleans up dirty carburetors and intake valves. Also, whatever vehicle Jumpsteady's juice is in, well, watch that fucker spit blue flame and hit 365 mph in three seconds flat .
3:56 pm
Moderators
August 12, 2012
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BUMP
3:59 pm
Moderators
May 22, 2012
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jumpsteady has vowed not to take a human life.
again.
today.
unless he has to.
or feels like it.
awfully paranoid, arent you?
5:14 pm
March 30, 2013
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Jumpsteady can do ANYTHING. this has already been established. But perfection bored him, so he let that Missouri campground let themselves look like THEY were calling the shots. Truth is, Jump created the challenge to make things more interesting, and to test the loyalty of Juggalos. Truth further, those townspeople that DID complain, well let's hope they make their internal peace. For they have but weeks before the Jumpsteady Brand Toxin takes effect..
5:19 pm
March 30, 2013
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When Jumpsteady walks by cans of alphabet soup, they forever come out in the formation of unfuckwithable raps. Organic fruit becomes rife with high fructose corn syrup, as Pepsi and Coca-Cola become holy cider of the gods.
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